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Ex best friend dating the man I love, should I show him the message she sent me about him ?

(276 Posts)
Margielodi Wed 20-Mar-19 12:14:58

First time poster. So I met my ex best friend at work, I have been working with her for
4 years. I have been in love with one of my colleague for nearly 3 years. I never had the courage to tell him , and didn't want to ruin my career or make things awkward in case he rejected me. This is gonna sound so crazy-teen-girl , but he was the main reason I was going to work.

I remember having discussions with her about how much I loved him, and she would tell me I had no taste because according to her he looks like a troll , a lesbian, he's so short.

I had to take some time off work because I got very sick. When I came back a month later , I heard my colleagues discussing the new " office couple". Turns out my ex best friend and the man I am in love are now dating. What's strange, is that when I was ill she kept visiting me and didn't tell me anything. She blocked my number, blocked me on social media , and ignores me at work. I didn't confront her at work because I don't want anyone to know about my business, and it's just not the appropriate place.

However, I have hundreds of messages , where we talk about him. I'd text her about how much I love him ( I know it's sounds cheesy) , and her responses are about how ugly he is , he's dwarf , he looks like a woman , oh you have no taste he looks like a dump I took today. She even took pics of him while at work and would caption it " Damn you are the only one who can be in love with such an atrocious creature".

I checked her facbeook via my sis account , and there are so many pics of them too " I love you baby , my baby". I am so hurt and depressed.

Should I show him the messages or should I just let it go and try to move on ?

DanielRicciardosSmile Wed 20-Mar-19 12:16:38

I wouldn't show the messages, no.

mumsie8 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:17:09

Move on. And flowers for you as it is painful. But her behaviour says more about her than it does you.

Shoxfordian Wed 20-Mar-19 12:18:09

No don't show him the messages
Be the bigger person here

JacquesHammer Wed 20-Mar-19 12:18:21

You will gain absolutely nothing by sending the messages.

Move on

lazymoz Wed 20-Mar-19 12:18:38

I wouldn't show the messages either

Doyoumind Wed 20-Mar-19 12:19:58

Move on. It could only make you look and feel bad.

Order654 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:20:09

No don’t message.

You sound about 5. You were never in a relationship. Grow up.

M4J4 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:21:01

She sounds awful, hopefully he'll see right through her.

I think you will also look bad if you show him the messages, because he will know you have been receiving these messages for so long and not told her to stop sending them.

Block the bitch and leave her to it.

Barrenfieldoffucks Wed 20-Mar-19 12:21:08

You'll only hurt him

MummBraTheEverLeaking Wed 20-Mar-19 12:21:27

Oh so so tempting, but step away from the computer! For some reason she's fallen out with you and is going for what will hurt you the most. She'll get bored and drop him like a rock soon enough if she doesn't get the desired reaction.

OTT on social media - bleurgh.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 20-Mar-19 12:21:32

Sorry, but you need to move on.

It's a bitch move on her part if she knows how you felt about him (hence blocking you). In fact, she sounds incredibly unpleasant in many ways (lease of all her charming comments about him). But you have nothing to gain by showing them to him; you'll just hurt his feelings or come across as vindictive.

Can I ask why you never made your feelings known to him?

AnnieMay100 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:22:05

I know it hurts but it will just make you look petty and jealous if you do. She’s no friend and doesn’t deserve your time or efforts even to get back at her. If she thought those things about him It’s unlikely to last imo. flowers

PinkHeart5914 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:22:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Motherofcreek Wed 20-Mar-19 12:23:32

Yeah I would.

I was always a ‘just keep your mouth shut and move on’ person - but people just shit on you any way.

If this was me I’d genuinely send him the lot.

Hi xxxx really surprised to see you and xxx are now together considering this is how she felt about you last month. Sorry if this upsets but but you should know what kind of person she is.

Marlena1 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:23:58

No, move on!! This is none of your business (even though she was deceitful in not telling you).

Queenofthestress Wed 20-Mar-19 12:25:11

Showing him the messages would be pettier than petty. Screams of 'I can't have him so you can't either'

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Wed 20-Mar-19 12:26:18

She's clearly not a nice person but you were never in love with him. Infatuated, yes.

As tempting as it would be, you'll gain nothing from showing him the messages (do you imagine he'll thank you, dump her and run into your arms? He won't) so I would hold your head high and get on with life.

Let it be a lesson for future crushes, you can't expect people to wait around when they don't know you are interested.

Fattymcfaterson Wed 20-Mar-19 12:27:28

You are not "in love" with this man
He's someone you work with, who you were too chicken to ask out. You have no "claim" on him
Grow up and move on

VivaDixie Wed 20-Mar-19 12:28:15

I'm with @motherofcreek and think that message is perfect. You might want to add that you admit you had a crush on him but that is well over with now.

But i had spent many years being shat on from a height and treated like a doormat.

Ellisandra Wed 20-Mar-19 12:28:31

You sound 12.
You weren’t in love with him - you were just trying to find a better sounding word for crush.
Your friend never meant any of the shit she said - she was just idling coming out with crap to amuse herself mainly, possibly partly to put you off him - but mostly for her own entertainment.

You need to see a therapist if you think you love him, to the extent you only went to work because of him.

Bobbycat121 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:29:04

What do you hope to achieve by telling him? that he will leave her and get with you?? She will just say to him that she was trying to put you off because she liked him...

purpleboy Wed 20-Mar-19 12:29:10

I'm with motherofcreek people will always walk over you if you allow them. It might be petty but it will prob make you feel better! Then you move on and don't look back!

KC225 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:29:19

No - do not show him the messages. It will achieve nothing. He won't thank you for it, he won't break up with her to be with you and I suspect she will wangle her way out of it to make you look the bad one.

She knows what she said about him and she knows she should have told you they had got together when you were off sick - hence the reason she has chosen to block and ignore you.

I would put your efforts into trying to find another job. Usually, I don't advocate running away but this situation is toxic and seeing them day to day must be demoralising. Look for a new position and start a fresh.

RevRichardWayneGaryWayne Wed 20-Mar-19 12:29:40

If you show the messages she'll jut say to him "I was just saying that to put her off because I liked you" and use the fact they're now together to back it up.

It sucks but you need to forget it and move on

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