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To confront woman who fancies my husband

(197 Posts)
Pipsnips Wed 20-Mar-19 12:12:57

Me and dh work at same place, me mostly from home, he from office. A woman at work who mostly works from home too is very flirtatious with dh and people at work have commented that she fancies him etc and he says he thinks she does too. Yesterday we were at a work event together, in a public place. I had to leave to get our little one from school so told her so. She randomly said, "oh your ex" and then said dh's name and then she said "speak of the devil" as he came in the room and she walked off. I was shocked and wondered did I actually hear that? I told dh and he said "oh wow that's weird". I then had to leave. After I was really upset and kicking myself that I didn't say anything, it was so quick and out of the blue. I hate confrontation and am not very confident. When dh got home we discussed it, he said it was out of order and he was going to tell her today at the end as he didn't want it to be awkward at the event. I feel like if anyone says anything it should be me but also that its a bit late now after the event, I don't want to look like a crazy paranoid person as I think she will gloat and I don't want to give her any power. We all have to work together in about a month and now I'm dreading it. Should I keep quiet and not give her the satisfaction or say something? What would you do? Sorry for the long post, its my first post and I wanted to give detail. I feel nervous and pissed off and a bit of a coward (blush) (sad)

Meandwinealone Wed 20-Mar-19 12:16:35

Both of you need to ignore her.
Why would you want to escalate this.

If it’s got really bad go to HR, don’t deal with it yourself. You will look mad and unhinged which maybe what she wants, if you both work in the same place.

Newadventure Wed 20-Mar-19 12:17:27

Let your DH tell her straight. That will mortify her more.
How dare she shock

Stawp Wed 20-Mar-19 12:24:03

Your DH should set her straight.

LucyAutumn Wed 20-Mar-19 12:27:00

I agree your DH should tell her.

mumsie8 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:27:17

So she thinks your dh is your ex dh?

Fannybaws52 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:27:41

You and your DH need to get on the same page about this. She has declared war. She wants your husband and is flaunting it.

He should tell her to back off and in a public way so that there are witnesses in case she tries to claim it is he who is chasing her.

He may want to avoid a confrontation but that is what is required. She has gone from light joking to outright insulting and he should be angry.

Something like-
"I heard what you said to my wife. That is completely unacceptable. I do not want you to make jokes or comments about my marriage. Please leave me alone."

If she persists after this, then you go to HR because this is sexual harassment and he doesn't have to put up with it.

Men can sometimes be flattered by this kind of attention but it can and will damage your trust and relationship so he needs to hear from you that this is too much and he needs to tell this other woman to back off. This is a crush turned sinister where she appears to be actively pursuing him and has warned you she is. You don't have to say anything expect when she makes comments. Laugh it off. She is pathetic and delusional. flowers

snowball28 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:31:27

I’d ignore her and not give her the satisfaction, but both of you make a note of her behaviour and how it makes the both of you uncomfortable with HR, it’ll cover your DH back if she comes on to him gets rebuffed and makes up some angry lies to save face . .

Igotthemheavyboobs Wed 20-Mar-19 12:31:40

Unless you are worrying he might do something, I really don't understand the issue. She fancies your DH, so what? Just leave it.
Obviously if she starts actually getting involved with your relationship, or going all stalker, you should do something. If not, just leave her to her fantasies and don't antagonise the situation

CryptoFascist Wed 20-Mar-19 12:31:52

So she called your DH your ex? Was this in front of people? I had to read it twice as it is so outrageous!
Your DH and you should both talk to her as a couple. Leave her in no doubt. If you speak to her it doesn't 'prove' to her that your DH isn't interested and in her mind you're just the jealous wife. If he speaks to her she will wheedle her way out of it and it won't solve anything.

KatharinaRosalie Wed 20-Mar-19 12:36:31

I'm not sure I quite get it. She thinks your DH is your ex? Hmm, I might be paranoid but I wonder what gave her that idea..

Barrenfieldoffucks Wed 20-Mar-19 12:38:41

Could she not genuinely think you aren't together any more? I would be investigating where that idea came from.

RevRichardWayneGaryWayne Wed 20-Mar-19 12:45:19

If you can do it without it being unprofessional in front of others - I think you and your husband should be super lovely dovey with each other when you're all together in a month! Either sickenly cutesy or other the top sexual innuendo (or both?) - send the message that way? Not for everyone though granted!

thedisorganisedmum Wed 20-Mar-19 12:45:28

Completely ignore her. Confronting her will only make you look like the crazy jealous wife, it's not a good look.
Nod and smile and ignore.

Either your DH is behaving inappropriately in front of you, and that's a problem with HIM.
Or he's not, and it's up to him to tell her to back off is she pushes boundaries. In the work place, harassment is frown upon, he should have a word with HR pronto to ensure he 's not the one being in trouble.

DearTeddyRobinson Wed 20-Mar-19 12:46:33

I don't understand what happened. She called your husband your ex husband and then left? Also why did you have to tell her about picking up your kids from school? I'm lost!

Sausage101 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:47:08

What an idiot, that's embarrassing if people have noticed, doesn't she care about her job?

Frenchmontana Wed 20-Mar-19 12:48:21

OP have you taken her calling him you ex as 'he soon will be your ex's like a threat he will dump you for her?

Because I took it as though she simply is mistaken. My first thought would be why she thinks that and who told her that.

Rather than she was declaring war on you.

tinyvulture Wed 20-Mar-19 12:50:07

Doesn’t she just think he’s your ex? She’s made a mistake?

Pipsnips Wed 20-Mar-19 12:51:42

Thanks for your replies, I'm just so weirded out by it. She knows full well we are together, she always says to my DH and other colleagues, they are the perfect cuddle, so cute etc. I know it might seem like my DH might have more to play in it but I genuinely don't think he's at fault, but maybe she thinks there is and she has a chance with him. She said it when no one else was there, it was just bizarre! She comes across as this lovely person but I think she'd a horrible cow. It was a bit stalkerish. Think I better tell HR ☹️

Badtasteflump Wed 20-Mar-19 12:53:48

Sorry slightly confused but is your DH going to tell her she's out of order at the end of work today? If that's the case, no problem, he's dealing with it.

Other than that, I would just be very cool and distant with her from now on - presumably your DH will be too. She can then just continue making herself look like a loon.

This isn't your problem. I can understand why she's winding you up, but as long as you know you can trust your DH, it's her problem, and the longer she behaves like this the more of a loon she will appear to everybody.

Pipsnips Wed 20-Mar-19 12:55:12

Igotthemheavyboobs I have no issue with anyone fancying him, he's very fanciable, I do however have an issue with weird catty comments that are to do with my marriage, I barely know the woman!

Badtasteflump Wed 20-Mar-19 12:55:40

Sorry cross-posted.... she tells them they're the perfect cuddle?shock
How does she know - has she cuddled them all?

Seriously, I would speak to HR. If she were male she wouldn't get away with that kind of harassment for a moment - the same rules should apply here.

Climbingahoneytree Wed 20-Mar-19 12:55:58

I'd let your DH say something and then if the behaviour continues, report to HR.

Frenchmontana Wed 20-Mar-19 12:57:06

It's far more likely that she thinks you have split up. Rather than some stalker telling you he will be your ex soon.

But if you trust him. Ignore her.

ambereeree Wed 20-Mar-19 12:57:53

She's a bit weird but clever making sure nobody else was there to hear. Tread carefully OP or you will come across as a crazy wife. Next time you're alone eith her just say: oh remember when you said my dh was my ex you wish and then laugh in her face really loud. Make it clear you're on to her.

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