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Refusing a name

(109 Posts)
changingthename Tue 19-Mar-19 20:20:14

So not to drip feed,
I have a 9mo old son.
His father has only just told his family he has a child.
I was really ill during my pregnancy and was practically an impatient for the entire pregnancy, he visited once and emotionally abused me for the duration of the pregnancy. Ended up with an emergency section, baby couldn't breathe was resuscitated for 30 mins. Afterwards I finally get to hold him. 30 seconds later he demands to hold him. I say "not yet I want skin to skin" he says "don't fuck with me today" I was still on the operating table.
On Saturday there's a gathering so they can meet our son.
His family are African.
During the gathering it is mentioned that "we'll have to give him an African name" I took it that they meant they'll give him an African nickname not change his name legally.
Last night on the phone, his father says "we need to legally change his name to include an African name as my family said" I say "they didn't mean change it legally. And I don't wish to change his name 9 months down the line. That's his name"
Now he says he can't be with me anymore and no longer wants to see his son and I'm a selfish bitch etc...
Aibu to not let him add an African name to my 9 month old's already 5 names?

Awrite Tue 19-Mar-19 20:22:44

Either this man leaves you now or he abuses you some more and then he leaves you.

Take your pick.

Merryoldgoat Tue 19-Mar-19 20:23:00

Seriously - that’s your question?

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Mar-19 20:23:16

Wait, what? You're actually with this pig after his behaviour throughout your pregnancy and the birth?

Why exactly???

LEDadjacent Tue 19-Mar-19 20:23:48

YANBU! He sounds like a complete arse. Get on with your life without him.

Spiderbanana Tue 19-Mar-19 20:24:08

I think the names are the least of your worries.

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Mar-19 20:24:21

Give your kid a hyphenated name

'Well - Rid'

NCforpoo Tue 19-Mar-19 20:26:10

So if his son doesnt have his name changed then he doesn't want Anything to do with him...? Sounds like hes going to bail at some point anyway- he obviously doesn't care about his son, nd very obviously doesn't care about you.
Please don't cave. I know it's easier to say than do but you and your son will be much much better off without him in your lives.

FlashingLights101 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:26:44

I'm confused, if you've been together up until recently, was he not involved in choosing a name in the first place? If not (but you were actually together, as you've implied) why wasn't he consulted?

If you chose together at the time though, it's a bit random to change his mind now. That said, it's a nice idea to include a name from your child's heritage. Why don't you want to?

BunsOfAnarchy Tue 19-Mar-19 20:26:57

Wrong question.
You need to leave. The whole situation sounds horrific

thesnapandfartisinfallible Tue 19-Mar-19 20:27:42

Why the hell are you still in contact with this ... I hesitate to use the word 'man?'

Have some self respect!

DanielRicciardosSmile Tue 19-Mar-19 20:27:55

To be brutally honest I'd be hanging bunting and planning a party at the idea of him buggering off out of your and your son's lives. Let him leave. In fact no, help him leave by chucking his stuff out onto the pavement.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Tue 19-Mar-19 20:28:31

Get rid of him tonight op.
You risk your dc imo.
And your own mental /physical well being.

changingthename Tue 19-Mar-19 20:28:49

@FlashingLights101 He wasn't there when I chose the names.
But we added his surname and he was happy enough to sign the birth certificate so why should I give my child another name 9 months down the line because he says so?

Ohyesiam Tue 19-Mar-19 20:29:26

Op, you are being abused and if you let this man stick around your son will suffer, either direct abuse or the trauma of seeing it happen to his mother.
The name is the last of your worries, please make every effort to distance yourself from him.

ThatssomebadhatHarry Tue 19-Mar-19 20:29:30

“Now he says he can’t be with me anymore”

This is the point where I nearly dropped my phone. I thought you were talking about an ex. He was your partner when he said ‘don’t fuck with me today’?

Op he is abusing you. This WILL get worse. Protect yourself and your baby. Please speak to women’s aid.

ColeHawlins Tue 19-Mar-19 20:29:38

The name is the least of your problems.

changingthename Tue 19-Mar-19 20:29:49

Thanks everyone for the input
@DanielRicciardosSmile he hdoesnt live with us no way! I wish I had stuff to chuck on the pavement

spugzbunny Tue 19-Mar-19 20:30:20

Is he on the birth certificate?

He's emotionally abusing you, you need to get away ASAP. It's best to speak to one of the abuse charities in order to work out the best way to leave and cut him out of your life.

changingthename Tue 19-Mar-19 20:31:01

Yeah we weren't together then he said he got counselling when I was 8 months pregnant and he changed. Won me over by having the idea of a family. It's been rocky ever since.

changingthename Tue 19-Mar-19 20:31:31

@spugzbunny unfortunately he is. That's a good idea thanks

KarmaStar Tue 19-Mar-19 20:33:33

Op,take every step you can to keep you and your son safe.do not let this person back into your life or home.have you family you can stay with or get support from?

warriorprincessandwidowed Tue 19-Mar-19 20:33:39

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Davidbowiestrousers Tue 19-Mar-19 20:35:37

Get some balls leave

changingthename Tue 19-Mar-19 20:36:48

@warriorprincessandwidowed How do I need to grow up?

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