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School info evening for dsd

(7 Posts)
Celp28 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:02:48


Not really and aibu but you guys have helped me out before and I could really do with honest (not brutal) opinions/advice please.

My dsd (13) lives with my dh and i, she has done for 4 years. She moved in with us due to arguments in her mums home. Her relationship with her dm is very rocky and they have periods of non contact that sometimes last months at a time. At other times they see each other once a week where they go to the cinema or for dinner. Dsd has never stayed over night with her dm since moving in with us. It’s never been offered by her mother and all day to day parenting comes from dh or myself. No maintenance is paid to dh or any financial contribution despite her dm having a good career.

Dsd is attending a residential ski trip with her school soon (all of the ££££ paid for by dh and I). There is an information evening next week to detail the itinerary etc of the trip. Dh is unable to attend as he is working away from home so has asked me to go to get the information. No problem, I’m happy to go. However, dsd’s dm has thrown a fit and demanded that she attend. I have said no problem to attend together but she’s insisting I don’t go as she doesn’t want me to. I truly wouldn’t mind her going and passing the information on but she has previous form for deliberately not passing relevant things on.

Dh is now insisting I go as we are the ones getting dsd ready, packing her case, buying essentials, getting up at 2am to take her, etc, etc. I totally see his point but really it’s me that has to sit there feeling awkward and biting my tongue at the drivel that’ll come out of her mouth. Also I feel sorry for dsd as she will feel really awkward if her dm is putting pressure on her to go just the 2 of them.

I’m being a big pansy right? Do I go and suffer the death stares from Winnie the witch or stay home and hope dsd gathers the correct information?

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Tue 19-Mar-19 20:04:22

Go. If the trip goes tits up who will get the blame?!
Practice your resting bitch face and get gone.

BlackeyedGruesome Tue 19-Mar-19 20:08:10

Vote go too. You need the info. You are the elected representative of her father.

Youseethethingis Tue 19-Mar-19 20:26:09

It’s a bit late in the day for this woman to come over all “I gave birth to her, I’m her mother!!!” on you.
You are bearing the financial, practical and emotional costs of parenting this child, along with her father. You need to go and make sure you have the relevant information to make sure DSD has what she needs.
Any more of this woman’s pish and I’d be posting her out a fully itemised invoice for the costs of this trip, as well as a separate invoice for her half of DSDs monthly costs. If she wants to be a parent, she should step up and pay up. If not, she should shut up. That simple. Stand your ground - your DSD needs you. flowers

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Tue 19-Mar-19 20:29:45

Her dm simply wants everyone to think she has paid doesn't she??

Celp28 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:39:34

Thank you for your replies. I think I’m going to have to put my big girl pants on and front it out aren’t I! I’m more worried about dsd feeling uncomfortable than myself. I’ve had 12 years of experience perfecting my neutral (resting bitch) face around this woman.

Also yes, yes, yes! She will be playing the part of the mother who paid and supports her daughters education blah blah blah! I’ll just have to smile sweetly and let her carry on! Cringe!

Stompythedinosaur Tue 19-Mar-19 20:50:18

While I think you should be able to go, if you are worried about there being a scene that will make dsd uncomfortable then surely her df can contact the school, explain the situation, and ask for a copy of kit lists etc.

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