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I don't like my childminder.

(54 Posts)
mamansnet Tue 19-Mar-19 18:36:39

But DS does. Especially her little Yorkshire Terrier

Her contract is 8.30 to 6, and that's what we pay for, even though I drop DD off at 8.15 and collect him at 6.30. She negotiated it all with DH. If we paid for the true hours, she would get stung for higher tax rates or something, so she's happy to do 45mins a day "free".

However, I feel she's starting to take the piss. When we signed, I thought drop off was 8.15, but now she says it's between 8 and 8.15. If I get there at 8.17, she tells me off for making her late for the kids' activities, even though she'd stand there yakking and ignoring the kids until 9am if I let her.

I could try to get there earlier but I begrudge getting up at 6.45 just to suit her, then be twiddling my thumbs for an hour before I have to leave for work.

Today DH and I are both off sick. I got there this evening at 6.15pm, and she 'asked' (told) me to pick up DS at 6.00 if I'm not in work, because that's what she's actually being paid for. Then told me to be on time tomorrow morning.

In the 2 months since we've been with her, I've had to leave work early 3 or 4 times so she can go to "doctor's appointments" and so on. I'm an intern, so no paid leave and very dependent on a good reference at the end. Two weeks ago she had a day's training, paid (for which I've not seen any written documentation) so DH took a day off, then she announces there'll be a second training day sometime in May. Last week she took another day off because her daughter in law was giving birth. I imagine she'll still bill us for the day, given our unusual arrangement.

I get that she's working 45mins a day free, so 4 hours a week, but she's taking the piss, right? Or AIBU because I just don't like her?

Every time I drop DS off, she's got the TV on with cartoons blaring. 2 or 3 very small kids plonked in high chairs doing nothing. Sometimes she'll start talking at me, and unfortunately having no friends here I get chatting for 15-20 minutes. Meanwhile, the kids in high chairs are completely ignored.

Luckily my DS is a bit older, he's 2, he just runs in and plays or stares at the sodding TV. We limit it at home but I've no idea how much she leaves it on. His last cm said the local council doesn't allow them to have ANY TV or films on with the kids present. I desperately wanted DS to stay with her but she had no availability after Christmas.

There are not many CMs available where we live but I've seen one advertising and I'm sorely tempted to call, even though we've signed a contract until sep 2020.

Not sure if I'm BU or if I'm being taken for a ride. Don't know if I can make DS change to a third childminder in as many months.

Can't just do the hours we pay for as she wants us there early and I can't pick up before 6.30.

AIBU to want to change?

HopeIsNotAStrategy Tue 19-Mar-19 22:41:17

She doesn't sound 100% ideal ( who is?), but to be honest you sound like hard work and bitchy.

If you don't like it, sort it, but don't mess the woman about - she's doing you some massive favours. And where do you two get off sending in "D"H instead of you to intimidate her/ so she won't mess you about?

You both sound charming if I'm honest.

mamansnet Wed 20-Mar-19 06:15:50

I suppose there’s always one isn’t there, this is AIBU after all.

I ‘get off’ sending DH (not ‘D’H, incidentally) because he’s the one who found her, negotiated this weird hours system with her, and signed the contract. HE is her employer, and she doesn’t boss him about the way she does me because he’d just tell her straight to fuck off. I’m much the same way when speaking in my own language, but not in hers.

Like many women on here, I have no choice but to pay for childcare for my DC. If not wanting to accept a substandard service for my DC makes me bitchy, then I’m an absolute raging, pre-menstrual bitch with cherries on top. Who doesn’t want their DC well looked after?!

I’m paying my entire income of £800 a month for these ‘favours’ as you call them. I’d have been quite happy to pay for the full hours, but she was the one who insisted on doing 45mins a day free. She’s playing the tax system and using those 45mins to claim flexitime from us that we can’t really accommodate. And that makes ME hard work?

Ok then.

Deadringer Wed 20-Mar-19 09:33:34

Op perhaps it's a language barrier but you are not coming across very well. Your dh is not her employer, she is self employed, and the fact that you don't like her is clearly colouring your judgement. Talking about telling her to fuck off because she is bossy is not very nice is it? However, she isn't suitable for your needs, you don't like her so you need to find a replacement asap. You have 3 choices, put up with her, make other arrangements, or leave your job. Bitching about her isn't going to help.

Iwrotethissongfor Wed 20-Mar-19 10:10:29

It all sounds very unsatisfactory. You don’t seem to have many (any?) options if there’s no other CMs and you’ve already searched. it seems as if your original CM wanted you off her books: she agreed a contract with you then says oh actually I won’t be free for 9 month period, you say ok no problem we’ll find someone else and come back but you, then when you ask she suddenly has it filled already. Is this a small area and you’ve committed some cultural faux pas? Are nurseries a thing where you are?

On a side note, If your child is normally in childcare long hours of 8.15-6.30 Monday to Friday and your DH is off work all week why is your son still going to CM and still apparently going usual hours (you say he’s getting up early to do drops offs?). Thought he’d be desperate to spend time with son and give him a break from CM particularly one you’re unhappy with.

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