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I don't like my childminder.

(54 Posts)
mamansnet Tue 19-Mar-19 18:36:39

But DS does. Especially her little Yorkshire Terrier

Her contract is 8.30 to 6, and that's what we pay for, even though I drop DD off at 8.15 and collect him at 6.30. She negotiated it all with DH. If we paid for the true hours, she would get stung for higher tax rates or something, so she's happy to do 45mins a day "free".

However, I feel she's starting to take the piss. When we signed, I thought drop off was 8.15, but now she says it's between 8 and 8.15. If I get there at 8.17, she tells me off for making her late for the kids' activities, even though she'd stand there yakking and ignoring the kids until 9am if I let her.

I could try to get there earlier but I begrudge getting up at 6.45 just to suit her, then be twiddling my thumbs for an hour before I have to leave for work.

Today DH and I are both off sick. I got there this evening at 6.15pm, and she 'asked' (told) me to pick up DS at 6.00 if I'm not in work, because that's what she's actually being paid for. Then told me to be on time tomorrow morning.

In the 2 months since we've been with her, I've had to leave work early 3 or 4 times so she can go to "doctor's appointments" and so on. I'm an intern, so no paid leave and very dependent on a good reference at the end. Two weeks ago she had a day's training, paid (for which I've not seen any written documentation) so DH took a day off, then she announces there'll be a second training day sometime in May. Last week she took another day off because her daughter in law was giving birth. I imagine she'll still bill us for the day, given our unusual arrangement.

I get that she's working 45mins a day free, so 4 hours a week, but she's taking the piss, right? Or AIBU because I just don't like her?

Every time I drop DS off, she's got the TV on with cartoons blaring. 2 or 3 very small kids plonked in high chairs doing nothing. Sometimes she'll start talking at me, and unfortunately having no friends here I get chatting for 15-20 minutes. Meanwhile, the kids in high chairs are completely ignored.

Luckily my DS is a bit older, he's 2, he just runs in and plays or stares at the sodding TV. We limit it at home but I've no idea how much she leaves it on. His last cm said the local council doesn't allow them to have ANY TV or films on with the kids present. I desperately wanted DS to stay with her but she had no availability after Christmas.

There are not many CMs available where we live but I've seen one advertising and I'm sorely tempted to call, even though we've signed a contract until sep 2020.

Not sure if I'm BU or if I'm being taken for a ride. Don't know if I can make DS change to a third childminder in as many months.

Can't just do the hours we pay for as she wants us there early and I can't pick up before 6.30.

AIBU to want to change?

Thehop Tue 19-Mar-19 18:39:18

No.

Change.

Look at nurseries and other cm.

Shitonthebloodything Tue 19-Mar-19 18:45:20

I think the timings thing is a separate issue to the fact that you just aren't comfortable with her and aren't confident in her ability to do her job well.
I'd move him, you need to trust your childminder completely and you don't.

user1493413286 Tue 19-Mar-19 18:53:25

I think the timing thing could be put up with if she was an amazing childminder but she sounds a bit crap. Also they’re only supposed to have 3 under 5.
Our childminder doesn’t charge if she’s not available to work so we pay if we take DD out as her place is still available but if she’s away or on training we don’t pay.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Tue 19-Mar-19 18:57:30

The whole thing sounds really odd. Both of you.

Hunter037 Tue 19-Mar-19 18:58:27

Presumably the contract has an "out" if you give a certain amount of notice. An 18 month contract is very long otherwise!

You should definitely contact the other CM if you're not happy. Your son may like it there but he is only 2 so would probably like it anywhere and if she just puts them in front of the TV he probably thinks its great (my DD would love that!).

5 days off / early finishes in 2 months is too much and would be a deal breaker for me. One positive of a nursery is you don't have to cover staff sickness, training etc.

Reters Tue 19-Mar-19 19:00:02

Change asap.

What a bloody headache.

Barrenfieldoffucks Tue 19-Mar-19 19:00:31

The high chair/TV thing would do it for me. If I wanted to lazy parent I would do it myself, not pay someone else to.

BunsOfAnarchy Tue 19-Mar-19 19:01:28

You shouldn't be paying her for time she has off for her own personal reasons.

I'd look elsewhere.

Sontagsleere Tue 19-Mar-19 19:47:23

Her getting stung for higher tax rates is her problem not yours. The set up sounds miserable for all- , for you, your son and husband. Your lack of quality of family life pains me. Perhaps you have no other option, perhaps this is a wake up call. Perhaps you can intern in a year or your husband can take a step back in his job. What utter hassle you endure just to exist. I feel for you if you truly have no other options.

looselegs Tue 19-Mar-19 19:56:03

I'm a childminder.
The thing about higher taxes is rubbish. She's self employed so it's up to her to sort her accounts and expenditure out.
Double check your contract to see if there's a notice period on either side.She has to offer one. I can't see how she can tie you into a contract for that amount of time! Anything can change during that period.Childminders can have the TV on despite what you've been told- Ofsted inspect them and set the rules not the local council and Ofsted don't say anything about TV time- used correctly it can be a good thing. Sticking children in high chairs in front of it is not good! I do know that a lot of training takes place during the day- I don't do as much training as I used to because of it and I lose too much money- but if she's not avs3 you shouldn't really pay.
She may have something in the contract stating payment if she's not working but what she's doing isn't right. Find someone else and give her notice.

mamansnet Tue 19-Mar-19 19:56:31

Local crèche has no room. The cm we have now is the only one who had any availability when we found her (wonder why!).

Have just found out who the cm advertising is. I'm not 100% but I suspect she's the one our our old cm told us to avoid. Great.

I think our contract says 2 weeks' notice but the real problem is going to be finding someone else.

Happy to be told if I'm BU but what makes us odd, @GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat? Genuinely interested!

Stompythedinosaur Tue 19-Mar-19 19:56:48

I'm normally of the opinion that I will put up with a lot of inconvenience to maintain a good relationship with a good childminder, but she sounds a bit crap.

SparklyShoesandTutus Tue 19-Mar-19 19:57:46

I would seriously have another look around. I have a great relationship with our child minder but things can still get a bit tense around certain discussions primarily changes to contracted hours holiday etc. This would be 10 times harder if there was already some conflict. The lack of activity and engagement would also concern me. Our CM does 2 groups and soft play each week minimum. They do watch some TV on occasions bit this is limited and there is still interaction. Does your contract have a clause around notice. To sign up until 2020 is a long time what would happen if you stop work or once your child becomes entitled to funded hours?

AhNowTed Tue 19-Mar-19 20:01:49

She doesn't sound great, but I also think that you're being unreasonable not collecting your child till after 6 when you and your DH are both at home. That would really piss me off.

The flexibility on time is all in your favour and the least you could have done was pick your child up early for once when you had the opportunity. So she's digging in her heels.

Gottalovesummer Tue 19-Mar-19 20:02:52

I'm a cm.

If this woman was my cm I'd finding another one quickly!

yaqub Tue 19-Mar-19 20:03:47

I'm a childminder too, and you and the childminder should have a 4 week notice period for who ever wants to leave, so not sure about this contract that's been signed until September next year.

outforawalkbitch2018 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:05:54

I think you have my old CM! Find a new one quickly, my DC and I are much happier since we left, it's like night and day

LL83 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:06:35

Having the children in front of TV so she can get those arriving settled, (handover from parents, any issues, take shoes and jacket off) does not mean thet are in front of TV all day.

My childminder is amazing but the TV is on at times. (And I dont mins some chill out time).

She is being flexible and allowing you to start early but what is the point in her being ready and you not turning up till after 8.15 if that suits. And yes if she works for 45 free every week when you can pick up early you should.

Not being reliable is an issue though. I would look elsewhere for that reason.

Weebitawks Tue 19-Mar-19 20:07:12

If you're unhappy, can you put your name down on some waiting lists and stick it out?

slipperywhensparticus Tue 19-Mar-19 20:07:59

Cant you find one by work? Or do you work local

Deadringer Tue 19-Mar-19 20:08:44

She does sound a bit crap. Is there a decent nursery where you live. My personal preference is for a childminder usually when they are small but your little boy sounds very sociable so a good nursery might suit him.

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld Tue 19-Mar-19 20:14:08

I'm shock re the YT on top of everything else tbh. A mall dog with relatively unknown kids seems like begging for trouble with a bowl out to me. Also sounds a dodgy set up, I'd be worried aboutt any visitors during the day too. If your gut is twitchy, there's a reason I think.

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld Tue 19-Mar-19 20:14:19

small dog

daisyflowerinspring Tue 19-Mar-19 20:19:35

I use a nursery for this reason.

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