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To be really annoyed about this

(76 Posts)
ChloePD Tue 19-Mar-19 14:58:34

Bit of background:

I'm 22, partner is 24. We just bought our first house about 8 months ago. Have been living there since. We are in a semi detached house. Our neighbours purchased their house about 3 months ago and have only started living there about 3 weeks ago, they had builders getting the house ready for them I suppose- it's a new build.

Anyway, we only met them for the first time on Tuesday last week. We pulled up in our car, got out and they were outside doing their garden. We stopped to introduce ourselves and had a chat. The neighbours are in their mid/late 40's if I were to guess. The guy did most of the talking, telling us how he had Crohns Disease, and how terrible it was. Also mentioned the fact that there were weeds growing in-between the bricks on the parking. He mentioned that one day it would be nice for us to all chip in and get this cleaned. We agreed happily, bearing in mind we have never noticed the weeds and upon closer inspection, it seems to be small amounts of moss, but really nothing noticeable.

Anyway, we went inside, I told my partner I thought he was a bit weird, and we moved on. Then on Friday, I was off uni and home alone, and heard him screaming (semi-detached house) and lots of banging. I ignored this and carried on my day. Heard nothing again since and hadn't seen him again.

On Sunday night, my older brother came to stay the night. He parked his car in the neighbours spot (we have two spaces each) which I hadn't realised, and my brother was not aware that the house had been purchased, as it was empty last time, so he didn't do it to be horrible. Anyway, I wasn't aware that he had parked there.

An hour after he had arrived, there was knocking on the door. I ran downstairs and opened the door, saw it was him and smiled. As I opened, I noticed my brothers car so I clocked why he was there, and before he said anything I said "oh sorry, I'll move the car for you quickly" (I assumed that's what he was there for). He then looked at me and very aggressively said "oh so you've done it on purpose"
Me: "No, I'm sorry I hadn't realised, my brother has parked there but I've got the keys I'll move it quickly"
Him: "listen to me, I can tell when people are being genuine with me and when people are trying to make me look stupid, and you are purposely trying to make me look stupid"
Me: I'm sorry, I'll move the car.

I shut the door, and my boyfriend came running down shouting "what was that" and tried to get out, I begged him to leave it as I hate confrontation. My brother at this point was having a shower and was completely unaware of the situation. I grabbed his keys, shaking, and asked my boyfriend to stand at the door as I moved the car.

I went outside and he started having a go at me again. He then told my boyfriend that what we were doing was illegal as we are aware that he is ill, and we are causing him stress. He also told him that were we leave our bins was illegal, and we were to move them. My boyfriend said no calmly, they are on the side of our house on a piece of land that belongs to us, not in anyone's way. He then asked my boyfriend if he wanted to have a boxing match, to which he replied no. I was moving the car at this point but could hear it all. He then asked if we wanted to throw all our weeds at him?? I got out the car and they were talking to each other (neighbour screaming at boyfriend, boyfriend talking). I begged him to go inside and leave him alone, went in and locked the door and broke down in tears.

I know it was nothing serious, however I as a person am very sensitive and hate conflict, I really do. I spent the next 15 minutes sobbing and shaking, I was completely shaken by what had just happened. On top of this, my little brother (9) was there too, we were having a little sleepover.

10pm, someone knocks at the door, it's his wife. She says she's come to clear the air, not apologise but clear the air. I looked at her and said "are you admitting he's in the wrong if you've come over to clear the air?"
Her: "No, you've both put him under tremendous amounts of stress recently, you don't pull out your weeds and there's constantly leaves blowing from your garden to ours (we don't even have any trees in our garden, definitely haven't got ANY leaves??!). So tonight was just the final straw. We've paid a lot of money for this house. We want it to look nice.
Me: could he not have come over and explained what we were doing wrong so we can try and fix it? We will always help if we're doing something wrong
Her: He didn't do anything wrong to you
Me: He did, and I have the whole thing recorded on my cars dashcam (I do but unfortunately you can't hear anything, you can just see it happening).
Her: well ive just come over as I want us to be civilised neighbours.

Her behaviour quickly changed.

I said goodnight and closed the door.
We are extremely quiet neighbours, we don't listen to music, we are asleep by 9:30 for goodness sake. We mow our lawn twice a month and rake up all the spare grass. No we haven't de-weeded our car space, I admit.

Does he have a problem or is this normal? Are we in the wrong? There really isn't more to this story unfortunately, it sounds like we've had some issues in the past for him to react like that but we'd only met them once before!
On a side note, when they were building and not living there, we always took in their parcels and put notes in their door to say we had them with my mobile number. They never came and I eventually dropped them off in their secure porch and let them know through a note in the door. They were big boxes and we didn't have space for them. They also left a big concrete slab lying in the middle of the path and my elderly granny came to visit and feel over it, and hurt herself badly. They aren't aware of this but I just accepted that they probably didn't mean to leave it there on purpose, and moved on..

Sorry for the long post however I'm still really upset about this for some reason and feel really scared to leave the house every time.. I feel genuinely intimidated.

Thanks in advance for any advice to fix the problem, I don't want it to happen again

SallyWD Tue 19-Mar-19 15:03:32

They both sound very odd! I don't really know what to think but it's not normal. I'd do everything you can to stay out of their way and see what happens.

Doghorsechicken Tue 19-Mar-19 15:05:18

They sound absolutely bonkers! They are not normal and to be honest you handled it really well. Sorry I don’t have any advice! But I would have flipped & asked them never to speak to me again. If you have the footage of your granny falling I’d make them aware of that and if there’s any more funny business you’ll take it further. Other than that I’d recommend you get CCTV put up to catch any odd/threatening behaviour.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Tue 19-Mar-19 15:09:00

AFAIK having Chrone's disease doesn't make you a twat. Or averse to being told you are one.
Cctv up op.

InnerCircle Tue 19-Mar-19 15:09:03

Jeh-ruh-mee, jeh-ruh-mee, jeh-ruh-mee ...

"I begged him to leave it"

I hope you said, 'leave i' aaaaaaaght'.

hereweareyes Tue 19-Mar-19 15:09:45

They’re very odd I’m afraid sad

It sounds like you need to engage with them as little as humanly possible. The exchange about the car leads me to suspect that the guy has some serious problems that will prevent you having a productive discussion.

thedisorganisedmum Tue 19-Mar-19 15:12:32

you need to calm down.

Yes, they are weird and annoying. They probably are making themselves very stressed about the whole thing and care about some weeds which nobody else would notice.

You completely over reacting if you sat sobbing and shaking for 15mn about nothing hmm

If you really don't like confrontation, don't start one with your are you admitting he's in the wrong if you've come over to clear the air?" when someone tries to come and smooth things down.

Just ignore them and get on with your life. They do sound annoying, but fairly armless: no loud music, parties or anti-social behaviour. Ideally they would let go about the weeds, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter.

ijustdontunderstandher Tue 19-Mar-19 15:16:11

They do sound a bit crazy, but just don’t engage with them from now on. Neighbours don’t have to be friends, so just go on about your day and let them get on with there’s.

MamaBear8686 Tue 19-Mar-19 15:19:26

They sound like ridiculous busy bodies with nothing better to do than witter about such trivial things. Try to be good neighbours and not wind them up but if they do start kicking off again then calmly tell them you're not going to interact or change anything you're doing then close the door and ignore them.

Bluntness100 Tue 19-Mar-19 15:23:03

are you admitting he's in the wrong if you've come over to clear the air

This is fairly aggressive for someone who doesn't like confrontation and when someone comes over to extend the olive branch. It feels like you were sticking it to them. You then crying etc for so long is a bit odd.

Yes their behaviour is extreme and odd, but I'm not sure yours is that great either if I'm honest.

I think you all need to stay away from each other as much as humanly possible.

NannyRed Tue 19-Mar-19 15:27:27

You have weird, nasty neighbours, but your dear brother was wrong for parking in their parking spot.

Just ignore them, completely. They did not want to “clear the air” they wanted you to apologise. Forget about them as much as you can and get on with enjoying life.

Chrohns disease isn’t a get out of jail free card for behaving like a twat, as for the weeds, enjoy nature at its best. If he wants rid, let him deal with them now. You don’t owe them any of your time.

cees Tue 19-Mar-19 15:28:21

Oh for gods sake, you were crying and shaking over that and in front of a child to. Are you always this dramatic? I agree the nieghbour was being a prick but really you need to toughen up and tell nieghbour to fuck off or he'll see what a pushover you are and become a lot worse

cees Tue 19-Mar-19 15:29:14


Sicario Tue 19-Mar-19 15:30:24

I think that kind of behaviour tells you everything you need to know about them. He's probably a complete nightmare to live with.

I would ignore them from here on in, and don't take in any more of their parcels.

ChloePD Tue 19-Mar-19 15:33:31

Thanks for all the advice, for those who mentioned my comment was slightly agressive, yes in hindsight I agree, and I shouldn't have worded it like that however for someone who was claiming that her husband didn't do anything wrong, what were her reasons to come over?

If I had told my neighbour to 'kindly' move their car out my parking space, I wouldn't then except my partner to go over and 'clear the air', so she needs to accept some form of responsibility?

And just to add to it all, they only have one car, and when I moved my brothers car, they didn't do anything with the parking space, so he clearly came over to intimidate me. Yes of course, it's his parking space so he has every right to ask us to move, regardless of whether or not he needs to use it, but he could of at least done it nicely.

And with regards to me crying, I am a 'petite' 22 year old girl, he was extremely intimidating with his behaviour and in all honesty, frightened me. Everyone will react differently, and my own boyfriend told me it was silly to cry, but I didn't choose for it to happen, I was just a bit overwhelmed with the whole situation.

I will be getting some CCTV and shall stick it up over the weekend, that way he probably won't even talk to us again.

KC225 Tue 19-Mar-19 15:34:50

I would make a note of all this in case you have to go down the cease and desist route for harassment. He does sound odd though. What about the nearest neighbours in his other side? Have they had anything to do with them?

NoraEphronsneck Tue 19-Mar-19 15:35:00

I have very similar neighbour's.

Husband was always ranting and raving over any perceived slights or infringement and then 10 minutes later wife comes over to smooth things over.

After 4th or 5th time I told her to stop enabling his tantrums and never to knock my door again under any circumstances.

Haven't acknowledged them in years.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 19-Mar-19 15:35:38

You really need to pull yourself together, fgs. You have weirdo neighbours so just ignore ignore ignore. Don't answer the door to them.

Dieu Tue 19-Mar-19 15:36:33

They're mental. Try not to worry about it, although I know it's very difficult as you're neighbours thanks

ChloePD Tue 19-Mar-19 15:37:17

@KC225 we know the other neighbours very well, the ones on the other side to him, and I went to speak to her after it happened and she said they've been extremely rude to them too. She said she gave them a piece of her mind.

She's a mum in her 40's and maybe has a bit more experience dealing with idiots, but that's why I've posted on here, always open to advice will happily take it on board.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen Tue 19-Mar-19 15:37:44

"I am a 'petite' 22 year old girl,"

You're not a girl, you're a grown woman who owns a house. They sound like lunatics but you'd better grow a backbone asap because I doubt this'll be the last encounter you'll have with them.

Flowersintheatticconversion Tue 19-Mar-19 15:42:32

It doesn’t matter what he wanted to do with the parking space. You were parked on their property and wanted it moved so accept that without making excuses.
The guy sounds like a dick but for the sake of neighbourly relations I’d try to talk to the wife again “to smooth things over” . Especially as you live in a semi.

thedisorganisedmum Tue 19-Mar-19 15:44:24

they didn't do anything with the parking space, so he clearly came over to intimidate me


what they do with their parking space is their business, you have no right to use it. It was a mistake from your brother, fine, so apologise and from now be careful where your guests park.

You are not 6 years old, it's perfectly reasonable for a neighbour to come and complain because someone is using their parking space or their drive. A 22 year old is as much an adult as a 34 or 46 year old hmm

LuluBellaBlue Tue 19-Mar-19 15:44:24

I’m sorry to read this and yes they sound like loony’s but you also could do with building your emotional strength and the way you perceive yourself.
‘I am a petite 22 year old girl’ sorry but that screams victim mentality, and you’re a woman not a girl.

Boodlesnuts Tue 19-Mar-19 15:45:20

No wonder his Crohn's is so bad it's the first thing he tells perfect strangers and you can hear him screaming through the wall, if he gets so stressed about nothing. Stress is a massive trigger for Crohn's. The guy needs to learn to chill out.

CCTV and avoid like the plague.

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