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To ask why people delay TTCing until later on in life?

(554 Posts)
MissPollyHadADolly19 Tue 19-Mar-19 14:04:06

Just that really, curious as to why some women wait until late 30s/40s to TTC for their 1st. It's become more and more common recently and I can't help but feel sad when people I know who have waited until the end of their "biological clock" and have no luck sad obviously I wouldn't ask them outright hence asking here.

Andromeida59 Tue 19-Mar-19 14:06:08

Money, career, relationships, stable home etc. I'm 36 and TTC. I often wonder why women have children so young. There's always two sides to every story.

PH03b3 Tue 19-Mar-19 14:07:27

Because life doesnt work like a story book!?

lottiebel123 Tue 19-Mar-19 14:07:34

I don't know. My sister did this. She's been in a long term relationship for nearly twenty years and only started trying for a baby in her late thirties. (despite being with him from her early twenties)...six years and several failed IVFs behind them and they've now come to terms with not having any biological children of their own.

sleepyhead Tue 19-Mar-19 14:07:56

Because they don't meet someone who wants to have children with them before then.

That's the case for 100% of the women I know in that situation. I'm sure there are plenty who did it for career and financial reasons, but of my friends/colleagues/relatives it was all about the relationship.

Porridgeprincess Tue 19-Mar-19 14:08:35

In my case it was that I was not in a stable relationship til mid 30s. There are so many factors really. I also think that as a sexually active adult, you spend so long trying to not get caught out that you presume a month off the pill will see you pregnant, so a naivete too.

OpportunityKnocks Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:03

So so many. Reasons. My reasons are below

Establish career first
Financial stability
Enjoying life without children
Because they aren't ready
Maturity
Life experience

30s are not the end of the 'biological clock'!! Neither are early 40s in most cases!

hendal Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:07

^ this. With every woman I know.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:34

Two main reasons

(a) they want to be financially comfortable, with a home and provide for their own child and establish a career and have the option to go back to that career later, with a good industry reputation behind them
(b) they haven't found 'Mr Right' and do a last ditch attempt at motherhood

themoomoo Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:36

because i was in my mid 30's till I met someone who I wanted to have children with and who wanted to have children with me.
Not that perplexing really if you think about it for a picosecond or 2

GiveMeFiveMinutes Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:41

Some people prefer to have established their careers, find the right person / get married and be financially able to support a child before TTC. Those things aren't generally achieved in younger years. I would have thought that it was quite obvious.

HaventGotAllDay Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:43

Because I didn't want to be dragging a kid round with me in my twenties?

GunpowderGelatine Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:56

Because despite popular opinion your eggs don't go "poof" when you hit 35.

hendal Tue 19-Mar-19 14:09:58

That ^ was to sleepyhead‘s post - the thread moved faster than I could type grin

Sigh81 Tue 19-Mar-19 14:10:02

Because they don't realise they want children until later on, because they haven't found the right partner, because they want to be financially stable and invest in their career first, because they want to travel or work abroad and it's easier to make such decisions without children etc.

Readytogogogo Tue 19-Mar-19 14:10:02

It also takes a man to conceive a child.... many of whom are keen to postpone parenthood.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Tue 19-Mar-19 14:10:21

I didn't meet DH till I was 30. We both came with a lot of emotional baggage which we had to sort through. We bought a house together after 3 years. We both went travelling (separately, very important for me to do by myself for the first and only time ever).

And then my miscarriages started.

ended up having DD at 38.

I wish we had had her when we were younger but I'm not sure our relationship had the best foundations. So whilst we're older, our relationship is rock solid.

TheKitchenWitch Tue 19-Mar-19 14:11:11

Well, to be fair, if they haven't tried before then they don't know how successful it would have been then either, although it's obviously harder as you get older.

To all the reasons already listed I'll add: just completely not interested in having children when younger.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Tue 19-Mar-19 14:11:12

and agree - why presume this is solely a woman's choice? Most people are with a man of a similar age - I don't notice men rushing into fatherhood early.

drspouse Tue 19-Mar-19 14:12:28

Because they don't meet someone who wants to have children with them before then.
Yes, this. Again all but one of the couples I know in this situation.
The final one thought they didn't want children but changed their minds.

ApplestheHare Tue 19-Mar-19 14:13:42

It's a huge decision and the word 'delay' downplays that, as if women who have children in their late 30s/40s could have done it ages ago but are being fickle by having children later.

More often than not people want to feel stable in their relationship, housing set up and job before having a child and that's just being sensible.

thedisorganisedmum Tue 19-Mar-19 14:13:42

because they didn't have a partner

because they wanted to enjoy their life without children and had boxes to tick on their to-do list before committing to a child

because they were not ready

because they couldn't afford children earlier

because they had been trying for years and suffer infertility and baby loss but didn't tell you and pretended they didn't want a baby to keep your nose out of their business

thecatsthecats Tue 19-Mar-19 14:14:21

Because I'm really enjoying myself, and frankly you lot on here are putting me off grin

Seriously though, I got married in November after 11 years with my husband, and everyone thinks that we're heading for parenthood soon. But we're enjoying ourselves - in entirely non child compatible ways. We'll enjoy being parents when we want to. But right now it's all hobbies and wine and travel.

twinkle999 Tue 19-Mar-19 14:14:25

I only met my DH at 36.

Climbingahoneytree Tue 19-Mar-19 14:15:02

I have family members that haven't been able to have kids until their late 30s and people have made comments about them being 'old'. In their cases they had been TTC since about 23 and had multiple miscarriages.

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