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AIBU?

To think that this was racist?

158 replies

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 13:50

DH and I visited in laws at the weekend. They'd recorded a rugby match and were watching it. I don't follow rugby, so I'm not sure who else was playing, but I know France was. The camera zoomed in on a French player who was potentially non-white (for the record, I'm not even entirely convinced on this, but he had dark hair and eyes, and a darker complexion than many white people would have). The conversation went as follows:

FIL: I wonder where that guy's from.
DH: Well he's playing for France, so the most likely option is France.
FIL: Well you don't look like that and come from France, usually.
DH: Why do you say that?
FIL: Well, lots of non-French players play for France. They let anyone in. One of their players is called Demba Bamba.
Me: (vaguely recalling hearing this name during a conversation in work) Right, but he's French, isn't he?
FIL: Well not with a name like that.
Me: But this guy on the TV could have been born and raised in France - how do you know he wasn't?
MIL: well, he might have been born and raised there, but looking at him I can tell he's really Arabic.

I didn't want to say too much and the conversation moved on after that, but I felt uncomfortable about it for the rest of the day.

AIBU to think that making trying to make a judgement about this guy by his skin tone (and the other player by his name) is actually racist? I mean, I understand being curious about someone's heritage, but surely bringing up race when it's not relevant does kind of cross a line into racist territory?

OP posts:

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caroline161 · 19/03/2019 13:56

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Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 13:57

They actually aren't old. Neither of them are at retirement age yet.

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Damntheman · 19/03/2019 13:58

It's crazy racist. Unfortunately I find most of that generation do actually know better bit many of them just can't be bothered to modulate their thinking and behaviour. It's gross. My FIL has come out with special little nuggets like this too.

JacquesHammer · 19/03/2019 13:58

Yes it was racist and no age isn’t any sort of excuse.

Ragnarthe · 19/03/2019 13:58

Yes it is

MrPan · 19/03/2019 13:59

It won't die out. It will get worse. New unthinking, racists turds are being grown by right wing bastards supported by the Daily Mail, The Sun and notable SM twats.

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 14:03

I thought so. I'm really worried about my DC being around them a lot in case they pick up on this type of casual racism and get the idea that it's ok. Guess I will just have to be extra vigilant.

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Sparklesocks · 19/03/2019 14:05

yep, ignorant and small minded

PregnantSea · 19/03/2019 14:05

I suppose if you were being nice about it you could say he was confusing nationality with ethnicity - because one might guess from another's appearance that they aren't ethnically similar to most others of their nationality. But it was still racist.

I get so bloody sick of this convo: "where are you from?" "Britian" "yeah but where are you REALLY from?". I've started telling people I'm from the moon

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 19/03/2019 14:07

they are racist and pig ignorant - France has a huge non-white population, mainly because they had an empire.

Do they understand you can be black and British?

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 19/03/2019 14:08

non-white is a rubbish phrase, sorry!

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 14:09

I'm as white as Daz and from a part of the country where there isn't much racial diversity, but I wouldn't even ask that @PregnantSea! However, I would be really curious if you said you were from the moon! 😂

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JacquesHammer · 19/03/2019 14:09

It’s very interesting - and telling - that he objected to the guy born in France, but not the ones born in New Zealand...

Buster72 · 19/03/2019 14:09

The french rugby team is chock full of people who play in the French leagues for a few years then qualify as "French" ( I think 11 south africans in recent years) and players of morrocan/ Algerian heritage. One Thsakashvili and south sea islanders.
Bamba though was born in St Denis

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 14:12

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino I'm not sure if they believe you can be black and British - most likely not - but my MIL did say she felt uncomfortable recently when she was in hospital and there was a black person on the ward. I did directly say that this was a racist attitude, but she said it wasn't and went on a "why shouldn't I be allowed to have an opinion..." rant.

OP posts:

sonlypuppyfat · 19/03/2019 14:12

You felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day?

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 14:12

@Buster72 but you still can't tell by looking at them.

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WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 19/03/2019 14:13

Good
God
Almighty

Do people really still exist with this level of stupidity?

How old are they?

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 14:14

@sonlypuppyfat about the conversation. As in, my mind kept going back to it. Not because I needed to pee, or something.

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drspouse · 19/03/2019 14:15

Buster if you were born in South Africa and play in France to qualify then I see your point but someone of "morrocan or Algerian heritage" can still be French. The two are not mutually exclusive.

PregnantSea · 19/03/2019 14:16

Haha I only say I'm from the moon after i've already tried to explain that I'm British.

Why on earth did your MIL feel uncomfortable about a black person being on the ward at the hospital? Wtf? Didn't think they made them like that anymore... That's really shocking. I'm not surprised you're worried about DC picking up the wrong attitude. I would be too...

Simmerflew · 19/03/2019 14:16

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino
They're mid-fifties. Not people you'd call stupid in general, but clearly with huge blind spots. They've always been nice to me, but then... I'm white.

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WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 19/03/2019 14:18

No, that is stupid, ignorant and racist. No excuses. They are not nice people.

They grew up in a multicultural Britain. There is no excuse. We as a society should not accept excuses.

PBo83 · 19/03/2019 14:20

I'll no doubt be flamed for this but I'm not sure if the father-in-law was being 'racist' as-such. It didn't sound like he was insulting the guy, just wondering about his heritage (i.e. where his ancestors where originally from).

I might see someone who has features distinctive to a certain different nationality/race (i.e. not typically Anglo-Saxon). I wouldn't question their 'British' nationality because of this but it's not racist to think 'I wonder what their ethnic background is' (or maybe it is and I'm just an ignorant old fart...who knows!)

Spiderbanana · 19/03/2019 14:20

The irony is that they were probably talking about Ntamak who was not only born in France but so was his father Emile Ntamak who was capped 46 times for France

I am immigrant (UK born living in another country) and it is always interesting to talk about where people come from and what their heritage is. However, just picking out people as foreign based on the colour of the skin has bot been a good way to identify foreigners for 1000 years!

YANBU. And I think it is important to point out this sort of racism to people when they demonstrate it. I have done that with people of my parent's generation and of my own age.

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