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Is this shallow of me?

(254 Posts)
Dollydust Tue 19-Mar-19 11:22:51

Long time lurker, first post.
I've been speaking to a really lovely man for about 5 months now and we met for a first date last Saturday, met on a dating website so have been really cautious to try and get to know him as best I can over texts and phone calls before meeting. We actually really hit it off and he makes me laugh everyday.
So.... we met for a date last Saturday and I could see that he has barely any teeth, the top front ones are gone apart from one black/grey stubbly one at the front and the bottom ones have some missing with the rest being broken yellow/black stubbly ones, I tried not to make it obvious I was a bit taken aback and I feel awful for saying this but it was so off putting. I've obviously seen quite a few pictures of them but he they have all been with his mouth closed!
It's been a few days since the date and he's really keen for another quite soon but I just don't know if I can get past this teeth issue, is this really shallow of me? I do feel absolutely awful as he's a really lovely person and after 5 months of regular phone calls and texts before meeting we had obviously grown quite fond of each other and had met with the potential of beginning a relationship.

sparepantsandtoothbrush Tue 19-Mar-19 11:24:16

It probably is shallow but I would feel the same blush

thebabessavedme Tue 19-Mar-19 11:25:04

No I dont think its shallow, I honestly would find it gross to kiss someone with poor dental hygiene, let alone have a good old snog.

Falafelandhummus Tue 19-Mar-19 11:27:14

You are totally reasonable. Bad teeth (as how you have just described) suggests bad self care- lack of brushing. Or terrible diet eg. High sugar drinks etc. I think if you were saying yellow or crooked teeth I would have said you were shallow. But missing teeth? Black stubby? Totally understandable. He may have had an accident losing teeth or have a terrible fear of the dentist. I think he has a terrible fear. But this is also combined with bad self care! I think it’s reasonable to question his teeth and if you have a good rapport encourage sorting them out.

flumpybear Tue 19-Mar-19 11:27:16


Charlieiscool Tue 19-Mar-19 11:28:33

I couldn’t cope with this but I think, since you have come to like each other it is worth being honest with him. Not easy but better he realises it is a huge turn off to most people.

VelvetPineapple Tue 19-Mar-19 11:28:43

I don’t think it’s shallow. Poor hygiene is unpleasant. If you’d said his teeth weren’t straight then perhaps that would be shallow, but when they’re yucky and rotten that’s different. No way can you kiss him and put your tongue in there. If his oral hygiene is so bad just imagine the state of other bits!

babysharkah Tue 19-Mar-19 11:29:12

I'd struggle to be honest.

PBo83 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:29:18

It's a real shame as you are obviously very compatible in other ways. However, physical attraction does have to play a part and it isn't unreasonable to find his teeth a turn-off. If you don't think you can get past it then just make sure you let him know sooner rather than later.

EmeraldShamrock Tue 19-Mar-19 11:30:05

No I don't think you are shallow at all. My teeth are not great but they're clean and all there.
At least he didn't wear dentures let you fall in love for months, Until you discover he likes to go toothless.

Nicknacky Tue 19-Mar-19 11:30:07

I don’t do internet dating but don’t folk recommend that you meet a match quite quickly as it will save you getting emotionally attached if things aren’t right (like this)?

But the teeth thing would put me off.

StarlingsEverywhere Tue 19-Mar-19 11:31:22

I'd struggle too. I found it best to meet someone quite quickly when you're internet dating, so that you don't invest too much before you find out if there's a spark. I found my husband on so I'm not just talking out of my arse!

StarlingsEverywhere Tue 19-Mar-19 11:31:48

Oh, didn't mean for that to turn to a link. I'm not a shill for Match, promise.

AfterSchoolWorry Tue 19-Mar-19 11:32:02

Of course not. You can't feign attraction to something that disgusts you.

FriarTuck Tue 19-Mar-19 11:33:26

It is shallow yes. And oh so understandable!!!!! You'd be physically pulling back every time. It is a shame but... sad

Musti Tue 19-Mar-19 11:33:36

You're not being shallow at all. My ex only brushed his teeth in the mornings and that was bad enough.

Dollydust Tue 19-Mar-19 11:34:24

This is my first experience of internet dating, I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving it so long to meet up but now I'm questioning that!
I really don't know what to do, he's such a nice guy, it's just the teeth, honestly I can't even put into words how bad they were.

goingonabearhunt1 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:35:45

That kind of suggests bad self care tbh which could be a worry in general.

Hahaha88 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:37:04

You don't live in the north east do you? I think my friend internet dated the same guy!! We named him toothless. Honestly think it's rude of him to not make you aware before hand. Teeth are important, ok if they are a bit crooked but actually rotten? No thanks. It screams poor hygiene to me so I wouldn't go for a second date

KC225 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:38:44

I agree with Nicknacky I think it's advised when internet dating to meet quickly - even a daytime coffee for half an hour so you don't emotionally invest in someone who doesn't float your boat.

If you are not attracted to him, you are not attracted. Did he mention it at all. If he has kept his mouth closed for 5 months, he must be aware of it. Time for that 'I didn't feel that spark' talk.

NannyRed Tue 19-Mar-19 11:39:34

I don’t think it’s shallow. It suggests a lack of self care because he can’t even be bothered to sort out dentures or a plate!

My son in law lost one of his fron teeth in an accident in his 20’s, he wears a plate with just one tooth on it (and uses it to scare small children, but that’s another story)

I don’t think d want to kiss a toothless mouth.

Dollydust Tue 19-Mar-19 11:41:27

Nothing I've seen so far even suggested that he would have poor self care, he's shared mostly everything (apart from his children) about his life with me through videos and photos, he has a lovely clean home, he's nicely dressed, good job, good social life with friends etc. I have no clue how his teeth came to be in that state.

itsabongthing Tue 19-Mar-19 11:42:05

Ah tricky one. But you if it’s a turn off for you then you can’t pretend it isn’t! I think it’s best to meet up quite quickly to avoid this scenario.

recrudescence Tue 19-Mar-19 11:42:41

You’re not being shallow. I suspect very few people would be able to see past such a defect in a potential partner. In any case, what can you do? Pretend you haven’t noticed in order to avoid looking shallow?

BlueMerchant Tue 19-Mar-19 11:42:45

If you can't 'get over' the teeth I'd put an end to it all now before he develops more feeling towards you. Better sooner than later. Id just tell him he is great but there's no chemistry in the flesh.

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