To have gone for a drink by myself?

[lovelilies]

I was supposed to meet two friends for drinks and a pub quiz last night but they cancelled at short notice. I was in the mood for going out so I decided to go anyway, on my own.
My DP (don't live together, long history, 2 DC together, he had them at his last night) said I shouldn't go out alone.
He only knew I was out alone because I told him my friends had baled and asked if he fancied meeting me (his parents are up staying with him so could babysit).
He texted 'Because there are dick head men out there who’d love to take advantage! You have a family at home and it’s not the right thing to do...'
it's really pissed me off. He's coming from the 'I'm worried for your safety' angle, however he never asked me to let him know I was home safe/ checked up if I'm ok.
I do have a tendency to overreact but AIBU?
So not to drip feed, I had 1/2 a beer, and still collected teenage DD from hobby and was home by 8.30pm!

[Ted27]

I dropped my son at a scout activity in town last night, not worth going home before collecting him again. Usually I would go to Starbucks but its not the nicest of branches so I decided to drop into the pub I frequented as a student 30 years ago. Its had a massive facelift, no one under 40 in there, I had a very nice hour or so in there tucked in a corner with a bottle of Old Mout.
I may well do it again, and have dinner - the menu looked very nice !

[bigchris]

I do it often !

[LakieLady]

Absolutely nothing wrong with it!

I used to go to the pub on my own a fair bit. There was a very convenient one, about 2/3 of the way round one of my favourite dog walks.

Which may be why it was one of my favourite dog walks ...

[ilovepinkgin33]

Absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever

[IncrediblySadToo]

Insecure twat.

I’d be very interested to know why when you have children together you live separately (locally) but still consider him your DP. I can’t imagine any circumstance that would make this acceptable to me and it feels like part of a big issue with why he’s not ok with you going out alone.

[Iwantamarshmallow]

I don’t think your BU at all . I’ve gone to loads of places on my own including pubs , clubs , the cinema and the theatre. I don’t know why some people think its strange

[ColeHawlins]

Your DP sounds odd.

[Originofstars]

you have a family at home

Only last night, you didn't. Does he ever pop to the pub on the nights you have the kids?

I love a solo drink, done it many a time. My partner who also lives apart from me wouldn't raise an eyebrow, he'd think it normal in fact.

I hope you enjoyed your half

[BiddyPop]

I often end up in pubs on my own. I travel for work on occasion, and quite happily go out for dinner, and sometimes for a beer, on my own if no other colleagues are around.

Like Ted27, DD has Scouts and the pub near the Den is nice to while away the 90 minutes and get some of my Scouts work done (Cub leader).

I have to stick around the sailing club on Beachmaster duty a few times a year, and while often there are a few others around, there are times when I am on my own but the bar is warm while the deck is cold and windy.

I've been the first to arrive meeting friends plenty of times, and a couple of times when I have had that freedom and they've had to cancel, I've gone for a quiet drink to myself anyway.

I really don't see why men can go to the pub on their own, but women "aren't allowed". As long as you take the same kinds of care as you would on the street or elsewhere, why would you be "taken advantage of" just because you are out having a drink??!!

[Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt]

But you can clearly deal with dickhead men...

[BlancheDuBlah]

YANBU. He's coming across as very insecure, and that's a turn off to most women (actually men too) so he's shooting himself in the foot right there.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

I've done this a few times, your DP is weird.

[MRex]

He sounds odd and controlling. Is that why you don't live with him?

[moita]

Bizarre. There was a lovely bar where I used to live and I would sometimes pop in for a glass of something on my own and read my book...I've got 2 young children so it doesn't happen anymore sadly.

[nrpmum]

Sounds like heaven. Wouldn't occur to me it was odd or dangerous going alone.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Laugh at him, and remind him that you do not need his permission to go for a drink and his opinion isn't important. I have spent most of my adult life going out on my own when I want to and I think more women should do it more often. Because the more women who go out without obvious male owners, the safer and more comfortable public places become for women to hang out, unaccompanied by a man.
(I know that some women can't go out alone because of childcare or transport issues ie live in the middle of nowhere, and that some people have various kinds of anxiety which would make it too stressful... but some people are just being lazy wusses when they get all ooh no I couldn't go to the pub or have a meal by myself it's not ladylike...)

[Giggorata]

I honestly thought we'd put this one behind us in the 80s... how depressing that here it is again..

[NWQM]

Another one here who does it fairly frequently whilst being 'Mums taxi' especially in winter - couldn't survive without being able to nip in somewhere for a warm.

As up have pointed out he isn't worried about your safety - if he were he'd have come or at least been a safety net for you. He's worried about you have an independent night.

It really does sound a strange set up that you have.

[DarlingNikita]

YANBU. He's a tit. Using the 'I'm worried for your safety' angle and then not checking that you were home safe is obviously hypocritical, and 'You have a family at home' is positively Victorian.

[ChuckleBuckles]

He texted 'Because there are dick head men out there who’d love to take advantage! You have a family at home and it’s not the right thing to do...'

So he wants you to sit at home on your own when you have a child free evening?
How do you have a family at home when you don't share a home with him and the DC were at his house?
Sitting at home waiting for him to give you the nod as to what is acceptable is "the right thing to do"?

I have often gone out alone, there is something lovely about going out for a drink or meal with a book and enjoying your own company, not everyone needs company all the time.

[howmanyusernames]

I'm with IncrediblySadToo, why do you consider him your DP if you have 2 DC's together but don't live together?

But, back to the OP, nothing wrong with that at all! I used to pop into my local when walking back from work in the summer for a glass of red. Local friendly pub, could sit on my own and do some work and felt perfectly safe.
If I was single I would happily go for dinner on my own and go for a drink on my own.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

it’s not the right thing to do...

That would be like a red rag to a bull with me.

Suggest you remind him that you're a grown woman who is perfectly capable of looking after herself, and you get to decide what's right or wrong for you.

Bumptious twat.

[Godowneasy]

Of course you can go into a pub on your own-it's 2019 not 1968!
And what's more, you don't need anyone's permission to do so.

[SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc]

When I was pregnant I regularly used to go to McDonalds for lunch alone,a lot of people used to say "oh you can't go on your own" Erm why? I'm an adult and craving a burger no biggie!

[viques]

"Because there are dickhead men who'd love to take advantage" and he knows this because...........

Raises eyebrows and makes quizzical moue.



I think the short answer is that you would like him to tell you every time he goes for a drink on his own because there might be predatory women out there who are so bloody desperate they would even hook up with a waste of space like him............. Or there again there might not be and that could wound his pride.