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To have gone for a drink by myself?

(79 Posts)
lovelilies Tue 19-Mar-19 09:33:18

I was supposed to meet two friends for drinks and a pub quiz last night but they cancelled at short notice. I was in the mood for going out so I decided to go anyway, on my own.
My DP (don't live together, long history, 2 DC together, he had them at his last night) said I shouldn't go out alone.
He only knew I was out alone because I told him my friends had baled and asked if he fancied meeting me (his parents are up staying with him so could babysit).
He texted 'Because there are dick head men out there who’d love to take advantage! You have a family at home and it’s not the right thing to do...'
it's really pissed me off. He's coming from the 'I'm worried for your safety' angle, however he never asked me to let him know I was home safe/ checked up if I'm ok.
I do have a tendency to overreact but AIBU?
So not to drip feed, I had 1/2 a beer, and still collected teenage DD from hobby and was home by 8.30pm!

Ted27 Tue 19-Mar-19 09:40:00

I dropped my son at a scout activity in town last night, not worth going home before collecting him again. Usually I would go to Starbucks but its not the nicest of branches so I decided to drop into the pub I frequented as a student 30 years ago. Its had a massive facelift, no one under 40 in there, I had a very nice hour or so in there tucked in a corner with a bottle of Old Mout.
I may well do it again, and have dinner - the menu looked very nice !

bigchris Tue 19-Mar-19 09:42:41

I do it often !

LakieLady Tue 19-Mar-19 09:44:07

Absolutely nothing wrong with it!

I used to go to the pub on my own a fair bit. There was a very convenient one, about 2/3 of the way round one of my favourite dog walks.

Which may be why it was one of my favourite dog walks ...

ilovepinkgin33 Tue 19-Mar-19 09:47:11

Absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever

IncrediblySadToo Tue 19-Mar-19 09:48:57

Insecure twat.

I’d be very interested to know why when you have children together you live separately (locally) but still consider him your DP. I can’t imagine any circumstance that would make this acceptable to me and it feels like part of a big issue with why he’s not ok with you going out alone.

Iwantamarshmallow Tue 19-Mar-19 09:49:14

I don’t think your BU at all . I’ve gone to loads of places on my own including pubs , clubs , the cinema and the theatre. I don’t know why some people think its strange

ColeHawlins Tue 19-Mar-19 09:49:26

Your DP sounds odd.

Originofstars Tue 19-Mar-19 09:52:36

you have a family at home

Only last night, you didn't. Does he ever pop to the pub on the nights you have the kids?

I love a solo drink, done it many a time. My partner who also lives apart from me wouldn't raise an eyebrow, he'd think it normal in fact.

I hope you enjoyed your half smile

BiddyPop Tue 19-Mar-19 09:53:06

I often end up in pubs on my own. I travel for work on occasion, and quite happily go out for dinner, and sometimes for a beer, on my own if no other colleagues are around.

Like Ted27, DD has Scouts and the pub near the Den is nice to while away the 90 minutes and get some of my Scouts work done (Cub leader).

I have to stick around the sailing club on Beachmaster duty a few times a year, and while often there are a few others around, there are times when I am on my own but the bar is warm while the deck is cold and windy.

I've been the first to arrive meeting friends plenty of times, and a couple of times when I have had that freedom and they've had to cancel, I've gone for a quiet drink to myself anyway.

I really don't see why men can go to the pub on their own, but women "aren't allowed". As long as you take the same kinds of care as you would on the street or elsewhere, why would you be "taken advantage of" just because you are out having a drink??!!

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt Tue 19-Mar-19 09:53:51

But you can clearly deal with dickhead men...

BlancheDuBlah Tue 19-Mar-19 09:58:52

YANBU. He's coming across as very insecure, and that's a turn off to most women (actually men too) so he's shooting himself in the foot right there.

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 19-Mar-19 09:59:33

I've done this a few times, your DP is weird.

MRex Tue 19-Mar-19 10:00:52

He sounds odd and controlling. Is that why you don't live with him?

moita Tue 19-Mar-19 10:06:24

Bizarre. There was a lovely bar where I used to live and I would sometimes pop in for a glass of something on my own and read my book...I've got 2 young children so it doesn't happen anymore sadly.

nrpmum Tue 19-Mar-19 10:09:54

Sounds like heaven. Wouldn't occur to me it was odd or dangerous going alone.

ReanimatedSGB Tue 19-Mar-19 10:10:21

Laugh at him, and remind him that you do not need his permission to go for a drink and his opinion isn't important. I have spent most of my adult life going out on my own when I want to and I think more women should do it more often. Because the more women who go out without obvious male owners, the safer and more comfortable public places become for women to hang out, unaccompanied by a man.
(I know that some women can't go out alone because of childcare or transport issues ie live in the middle of nowhere, and that some people have various kinds of anxiety which would make it too stressful... but some people are just being lazy wusses when they get all ooh no I couldn't go to the pub or have a meal by myself it's not ladylike...)

Giggorata Tue 19-Mar-19 10:14:36

I honestly thought we'd put this one behind us in the 80s... how depressing that here it is again..

NWQM Tue 19-Mar-19 10:15:46

Another one here who does it fairly frequently whilst being 'Mums taxi' especially in winter - couldn't survive without being able to nip in somewhere for a warm.

As up have pointed out he isn't worried about your safety - if he were he'd have come or at least been a safety net for you. He's worried about you have an independent night.

It really does sound a strange set up that you have.

DarlingNikita Tue 19-Mar-19 10:17:08

YANBU. He's a tit. Using the 'I'm worried for your safety' angle and then not checking that you were home safe is obviously hypocritical, and 'You have a family at home' is positively Victorian.

ChuckleBuckles Tue 19-Mar-19 10:17:43

He texted 'Because there are dick head men out there who’d love to take advantage! You have a family at home and it’s not the right thing to do...'

So he wants you to sit at home on your own when you have a child free evening?
How do you have a family at home when you don't share a home with him and the DC were at his house?
Sitting at home waiting for him to give you the nod as to what is acceptable is "the right thing to do"?

I have often gone out alone, there is something lovely about going out for a drink or meal with a book and enjoying your own company, not everyone needs company all the time.

howmanyusernames Tue 19-Mar-19 10:18:16

I'm with IncrediblySadToo, why do you consider him your DP if you have 2 DC's together but don't live together?

But, back to the OP, nothing wrong with that at all! I used to pop into my local when walking back from work in the summer for a glass of red. Local friendly pub, could sit on my own and do some work and felt perfectly safe.
If I was single I would happily go for dinner on my own and go for a drink on my own.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 19-Mar-19 10:19:58

it’s not the right thing to do...

That would be like a red rag to a bull with me.

Suggest you remind him that you're a grown woman who is perfectly capable of looking after herself, and you get to decide what's right or wrong for you.

Bumptious twat.

Godowneasy Tue 19-Mar-19 10:20:12

Of course you can go into a pub on your own-it's 2019 not 1968!
And what's more, you don't need anyone's permission to do so.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Tue 19-Mar-19 10:25:44

When I was pregnant I regularly used to go to McDonalds for lunch alone,a lot of people used to say "oh you can't go on your own" Erm why? I'm an adult and craving a burger no biggie!

viques Tue 19-Mar-19 10:36:52

"Because there are dickhead men who'd love to take advantage" and he knows this because...........

Raises eyebrows and makes quizzical moue.

I think the short answer is that you would like him to tell you every time he goes for a drink on his own because there might be predatory women out there who are so bloody desperate they would even hook up with a waste of space like him............. Or there again there might not be and that could wound his pride.

Skinniesandconverse Tue 19-Mar-19 10:38:17

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I still think a lot of people would look twice and wonder why a woman was at the pub alone. In central London and other cosmopolitan areas, possibly not, but in many areas, I think some people are still a bit judgy.

I'm glad you went!

CautiousOptimist Tue 19-Mar-19 10:38:57

Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all if you enjoy it.
I LOVE spending time on my own (especially since having kids, now it happens more rarely!) Given the chance I regularly go for lunch, a coffee, a walk or to the cinema on my own. If I was going to the pub I might take a book too. I see it as spending quality time with myself.

Seniorschoolmum Tue 19-Mar-19 10:40:12

YAnbu. I used to drop into village pub on way home from work, at least once a week.

You are a grown up. You are perfectly capable of fending off unwanted attention and getting your own cab home.

onthenaughtystepagain Tue 19-Mar-19 10:40:51

If I get to the pub quiz without OH for whatever reason and the rest of the team can't make, must learn to check my phone more than once every few days, I will offer myself as a 'gun for hire' to other teams and as my knowledge and age are uselful to the younger teams we often win!

JazzerMcJazzer Tue 19-Mar-19 10:42:03

What was he annoyed about- the drinking, or the being in a pub alone at 8pm? It’s hardly a hotbed of evil predators, no different to you going into Starbucks alone in the afternoon and presumably that is “permissible” from his perspective? Did he think you would be doing shots and dancing on the bar with your knickers on show? Why on earth does he consider you adult enough to parent your children yet vulnerable to being “taken advantage of” as soon as you go out after dark? What a judgmental and frankly stupid arse!

Windingstreams Tue 19-Mar-19 10:44:44

So women aren’t allowed out of the house alone if they have a family? This horribly misogynistic attitude was meant to have ended beginning of the last century and is not acceptable. It’s not something to laugh about or brush off, it suggests to me a controlling man. Or one who doesn’t have women’s best intentions in mind when he goes out.

JazzerMcJazzer Tue 19-Mar-19 10:49:42

Actually pubs that host quizzes on a Monday night are well known as places where murderers and rapists congregate, what WERE you thinking OP?

DarlingNikita Tue 19-Mar-19 10:51:46

Did he think you would be doing shots and dancing on the bar with your knickers on show?

I rather hope she was grin

cakecakecheese Tue 19-Mar-19 11:00:10

Christ on a bike 'you've got a family at home' yes because you were highly likely to forget after half a lager hmm

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Tue 19-Mar-19 11:01:14

I'm going to a gig on my own in May in Brixton. Can't wait.
Regularly go to the pub by myself too as work away from home so often nip into the pub next to the station if I'm early for my train.
He's being ridiculous. It's up to you what you do on your child free nights - or any other night.

CostanzaG Tue 19-Mar-19 11:01:26

* 'Because there are dick head men out there who’d love to take advantage! You have a family at home and it’s not the right thing to do...'*

This have given me the rage!! Nobody would dream of saying that to a man going for a drink on his own.

I have done this....especially when working away as it gets quite boring sitting in a hotel room on your own.
I remember when DS was born and I'd go for a run a couple of evenings a week....my DH used to suggest I went to the pub with my book instead as he thought that sounded far more relaxing! But then again he's not a sexist pig.

JazzerMcJazzer Tue 19-Mar-19 11:05:14

What about if you went for lunch one day and had a glass of wine or a beer? Would that be equally “wrong”?

cloudymelonade Tue 19-Mar-19 11:07:37

Love a solo beer if I'm in the mood smile He is clearly one of the dickhead men.

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 11:13:48

I think saying it’s controlling is stretching it. A woman on her own out does attract Male attention, and I think it’s normal to be a bit insecure or jealous. Give your DP a break! Especially as you aren’t living together, you have to be a bit more aware that your actions can bring you closer or introduce insecurity.

I wouldn’t want a partner to do that, just out of respect for our relationship.

DelilahTheSlagFromTheBible Tue 19-Mar-19 11:16:03

I'd do it without a second thought. I've been clubbing on my own BillyNoMates

Lweji Tue 19-Mar-19 11:16:26

There's a reason why you have 2 DC and don't live together, right?

Why are you still together?

CostanzaG Tue 19-Mar-19 11:18:15

A woman on her own out does attract Male attention, and I think it’s normal to be a bit insecure or jealous. why is that her issue? This is bordering on victim blaming.

you have to be a bit more aware that your actions can bring you closer or introduce insecurity.
What actions? Sitting in a pub on her own minding her own business? What is this was a cafe? or a restaurant?

I wouldn’t want a partner to do that, just out of respect for our relationship.

How is having a drink somewhere on your own disrespecting the relationship??

ifonly4 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:18:57

If you want to enjoy a drink and the atmosphere on your own. Occasionally if my DH has been away, I've gone out for a meal and drink on my own and still enjoyed it.

ifonly4 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:19:57

sorry words missed out ' ... own, do it'

Lweji Tue 19-Mar-19 11:22:05

I went home somewhat late last night. Stopped to have a hot chocolate alone while waiting for transport. Was I likely to attract men or is hot chocolate a repellent, unlike beer?
DP wasn't concerned. We don't live together either. He must be weird.

DarlingNikita Tue 19-Mar-19 11:25:33

Orangecookie, I'm also interested in your responses to CostanzaG's questions.

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 11:27:17

@constanza because we all are a bit insecure and relationships need building trust, respect and confidence over time. The OP is not living with her partner, and there is already I imagine a bit of fragility. We aren’t all confident well rounded very sure of ourselves individuals, and I do think pub on your own is testing a relationship that is fragile.

I think the point to start with her parter is with a little leeway and compassion. This isn’t an abusive man screaming at his partner, it sounds like a man on his own with the kids imagining his partner in the pub and feeling insecure. And I don’t think it’s that abnormal or awful of him to be feeling like that.

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 11:30:05

And I do think you are all gunning down the OPs partner as if he were absolutely dreadful. I think that is a pretty extreme reaction.

Judystilldreamsofhorses Tue 19-Mar-19 11:33:21

I used to travel a lot with work, and depending on where I was, would go to a restaurant for dinner on my own, or eat in the hotel, then have a drink by myself in the hotel bar. I was always surprised how many of my colleagues - both male and female - would prefer to order room service than go out by themselves.

I don't travel for work now, but still enjoy going for coffee or lunch by myself. I usually end up with an hour or so to kill between finishing work and my hair appointment every five weeks, and go for a solo glass of wine then.

I must be a bit of a beast, because I don't think any men have ever approached me in these circumstances!

Unbelievable18 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:34:24

I love going for a drink myself and wouldn't be worried about random men approaching me.

CostanzaG Tue 19-Mar-19 11:37:50

We aren’t all confident well rounded very sure of ourselves individuals, and I do think pub on your own is testing a relationship that is fragile

Why? Even if the relationship was fragile ( which we don't actually know) then I still fail to see why this would be an issue. Why is a pub different to any other social space?

This isn’t an abusive man screaming at his partner
Abuse takes many, many forms....it doesn't have to be loud.

like a man on his own with the kids imagining his partner in the pub and feeling insecure. That's his issue to work on.

And I do think you are all gunning down the OPs partner as if he were absolutely dreadful. I think that is a pretty extreme reaction.

I'm sorry you feel challenging misogynistic, sexist attitudes extreme. I actually wish more people would do it.

Would you feel the same about a man going to a pub on his own? Or is that acceptable?

lovelilies Tue 19-Mar-19 11:44:06

Thank you so much for all the replies. Especially Did he think you would be doing shots and dancing on the bar with your knickers on show?
grin

Lweji Tue 19-Mar-19 11:45:23

Even worse, he was asked to join the OP and he declined, but still expected her to stay put at home.

PurpleTrilby Tue 19-Mar-19 11:46:20

Tell him he's being ridiculous and that the vast VAST majority of attacks on women are by men known to them, not some random in the street, it's vanishingly rare. In fact he's more likely to get beaten up in a mugging, that's the highest stat for street attacks, men on men if the victim appears to be teenage up to his 40s. Maybe he shouldn't go out alone...

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 11:47:33

I’ve been out loads by myself and always get approached by men. He is not being totally out of the realms of madness here, to imagine that scenario, especially a pub. Not Starbucks! Never been approached there.

I don’t think the OP is having an affair or deliberately trying to get men. However I think she’s after telling her DP that it’s her right and he’s being terrible. Especially if she’s asking on MN. She’d get a different response on a Male forum.

However I do think that the OP is being insensitive to her partner, and not respecting the relationship. He is insecure and that do you know what, it’s because he probably does love her and want them to be closer. And yes it probably also does do his head in that he’s sat at home with the kids whilst she’s out, there’s probably some male ego involved, but I’d feel the same.

I have a friend who’s husband goes to the pub in the evenings on his own sometimes and it’s not great for them. She never does, she’s stuck with the kids, and their relationship is rocky. They bought it up at couple counseling and agreed that he’d stop doing it. Because they were a team, not because either is controlling.

bringincrazyback Tue 19-Mar-19 11:47:45

Well, everyone's different but I could never be with someone who didn't want me going out alone. DH and I are both people who need space as well as togetherness, and as long as he knows I'm physically safe he isn't fussed where I go or what I do alone. Heck, I recently went on holiday for a week on my own! grin I know that's not for everyone but I can't imagine being in a relationship where I couldn't even go for a drink alone. It's about trust as much as anything else.

(If I'm sitting in a pub alone, BTW, I tend to be reading or doing something else on my phone, so any unwelcome approaches can easily be dealt with just by returning to what I'm doing. It's a bit of a pain reading a 'real' book, though, as I've found idiots tend to make a point of doing that 'turns head upside down to read title then asking 'What are you reading?' regardless that they've just seen that for themselves' thing. grin )

Sigh81 Tue 19-Mar-19 11:50:47

My DH (and all my previous partners) have always been happy for me to go to a pub alone, and vice versa. They/you have to trust that you/they aren't on the pull or can resist being chatted up. If they/you don't then that is a more fundamental issue.

Yes, of course you get chatted up in the pub. But as a lone woman/woman-without-partner, you also get chatted up in a coffee shop, on the train, at a work etc. Either he trusts you to resist the temptation (even after a couple of drinks) or he doesn't.

chickensub Tue 19-Mar-19 11:51:51

Take advantage? Of what? Do you fall over and become desperate for sex from any man after a drink?

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 11:52:15

@constnaza I think I do stick up for feminism and I am a feminist.

I think this kind of absolutely gunning down a man for what is totally understandable is what degrades and muddies the waters of what misogyny is.

I would and do feel insecure if my partner chose to be in a pub on his own over his family and I would say something.

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 11:54:36

And yes of course the OPs partner is voicing his insecurities in a clumsy way.

But OP. Is this how you want your relationship to head? Where you just tell each other, we don’t live together, but also we can both go out on our own to pubs, and if either of us feels insecure we just tell the other one they are abusive?

Do you love him?

vampirethriller Tue 19-Mar-19 11:54:59

I do it, sometimes for lunch and coffee while I'm shopping too.

Yabbers Tue 19-Mar-19 11:57:22

Tell him the 50s have called and they want his attitude back.

Nothing wrong with it at all and not his place to decide you shouldn't do it.

I travel alone for work and usually eat in pub/restaurants. I've never once had a dickhead guy try to take advantage and have a family at home too. What am I supposed to do? Sit in my room with a soggy sandwich?

Supergrassyknoll Tue 19-Mar-19 11:58:46

Omg, this is hilarious, it's 2019, of course YANBU, I go out all the time when my ex has our DS, to the theatre, cinema, pub by myself. I'm a confident, worldly 41 year old woman, sorry but your DP sounds like a dick!

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 12:02:05

Tanners it’s different as you need to eat out. What the OP is doing is going to a pub on her own just for a drink whilst her partner is nearby but home with the kids. Totally totally different.

I actually feel so sad that we are so black and white that we can’t give this guy any compassion. He probably feels crap, lonely and desperate to feel higher up in his partner’s feelings towards him.

And everyone here is calling him abusive and name calling.

CostanzaG Tue 19-Mar-19 12:02:46

I’ve been out loads by myself and always get approached by men. He is not being totally out of the realms of madness here, to imagine that scenario, especially a pub. Not Starbucks! Never been approached there.

But it's your responsibility to say no if you are in a relationship. I get approached when i'm out on my own but that doesn't mean I should stop going out. If you trust someone it shouldn't matter.
What are you suggesting...women in relationships shouldn't go out to pubs on their own??

However I think she’s after telling her DP that it’s her right and he’s being terrible. Especially if she’s asking on MN. She’d get a different response on a Male forum.

Only if that forum was full of misogynistic men. My DH would not respond differently to me ( and the majority of posters)

* And yes it probably also does do his head in that he’s sat at home with the kids whilst she’s out, there’s probably some male ego involved, but I’d feel the same*
It was ONE drink!!!! She was home by 8.30.....why would it have been okay if her friends had turned up as planned? What is the difference?

* I have a friend who’s husband goes to the pub in the evenings on his own sometimes and it’s not great for them. She never does, she’s stuck with the kids, and their relationship is rocky. They bought it up at couple counseling and agreed that he’d stop doing it. Because they were a team, not because either is controlling*

That is a completely different scenario. Everyone is entitled to go out and got out alone if they wish...it becomes a problem when it impacts on family life or if one half of the couple doesn't get equal downtime. But being in a couple doesn't mean stopping going out completely. It's about balance.
For example, DH was away with work over the weekend, MIL had our DS overnight for one of the nights. I was due to meet a friend in our local at 6pm but i was ready at half 4 so went early and had a drink on my own and chatted to some of the locals ( male and female) before my friend arrived at 6.
On the other hand my DH regularly goes to the pub to watch football. Sometimes with friends but often on his own. There is nothing wrong with either of those scenarios.

Orangecookie Tue 19-Mar-19 12:03:46

I give up!

Good luck with your relationship OP. You might need it!

lovelilies Tue 19-Mar-19 12:06:25

I did challenge him and he said he couldn't see any of my friends doing this (?!) and I should just do what I want as I always do 🙄

We split 3 y ago when I was of with our 2nd dc.
He's 'changed' in that time, become a better father, realised his priorities etc so I'm giving him another chance. This has taken me back though.

CostanzaG Tue 19-Mar-19 12:07:56

I think I do stick up for feminism and I am a feminist
But a women in relationship shouldn't go to a pub alone....hmmmm

I think this kind of absolutely gunning down a man for what is totally understandable is what degrades and muddies the waters of what misogyny is

It's not understandable and it is misogyny ....no muddy waters here

I would and do feel insecure if my partner chose to be in a pub on his own over his family and I would say something

So one drink, one night is choosing the pub over family? I think you are projecting massively here.
Lets not forget.....she was meant to be going out with friends anyway. He had no issue with that. The issue is with her having a drink on her own ....that's what makes him a misogynist.

CostanzaG Tue 19-Mar-19 12:09:16

He probably feels crap, lonely and desperate to feel higher up in his partner’s feelings towards him

She went out for one half of lager!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aethelthryth Tue 19-Mar-19 12:10:17

If he was happy for the OP to go out with female friends but not happy for her to go out on her own, this has nothing to do with his feeling neglected- it's all about wanting to control the OP's potential interactions with other men. He doesn't need "compassion", he needs to stop being a knob

DarlingNikita Tue 19-Mar-19 12:16:06

However I do think that the OP is being insensitive to her partner, and not respecting the relationship.

I just don't get this 'respect' thing. My DP often goes to the pub on his own to work for a bit in the early evening, as his studio closes quite early and often he needs a bit more time. I'll be working at home, or starting on dinner, or out doing something else. It never occurs to me to feel 'disrespected'. What does that even mean in this context?

You're right, though, Orange, the OP might need luck with her relationship if her DP thinks his is an appropriate attitude.

LimeKiwi Tue 19-Mar-19 12:28:20

He texted 'Because there are dick head men out there who’d love to take advantage! You have a family at home and it’s not the right thing to do..

Sorry, but lolled at "it's not the right thing to do!" Tell him the 1950s called, they want their attitude back and in case he missed the memo, women are allowed to unchain themselves from the kitchen sink nowadays for a little bit grin
Nobber. (Him, not you lol.)
As for if DH came out with "dickhead men who like to take advantage" if DH came out with that I'd be tempted to raise an eyebrow and chuck in a "wahey!" comment.
YADNBU, nothing wrong with women going out along FFS, I've done it loads of times.

Lweji Tue 19-Mar-19 12:30:06

*He probably feels crap, lonely and desperate to feel higher up in his partner’s feelings towards him.*<shakes head>

Perhaps if he's less of a twat he will feel higher up in his partner's feelings towards him.

OP, I'd be very wary of his "changing". I would bet that given more rope he will hang himself again. You're the best judge, but I suspect you should cut your losses and move on.

Mitzimaybe Tue 19-Mar-19 12:35:35

I think as long as he never, ever goes anywhere on his own...

No, not even then. He doesn't get to dictate that the OP stays home when he has declined her invitation to join her. He can sod off.

LimeKiwi Tue 19-Mar-19 12:38:47

However I do think that the OP is being insensitive to her partner, and not respecting the relationship.

For daring to leave the house and go to a pub by herself?
Give over!
Wimmin! Know your limits. Those aren't the type of establishments a lady should frequent. confused hmm

SleepingStandingUp Tue 19-Mar-19 12:49:46

What the OP is doing is going to a pub on her own just for a drink whilst her partner is nearby but home with the kids. Totally totally different. And?? He was ok when she had supervision so couldn't accidentally have sex with another man. He was invited so clearly she hadn't set up a date. She told him what had happened so she wasn't lying to him.

If he thinks she'll be attacked then that'll likely happen to or from, so independent of who she's in the pub with.
If he thinks a guy will come in to her and she'll snog him / have sex with him then she should dump him.
If he thinks a guy with flirt with her but OP won't do anything but he doesn't like it anyway, tough

Vulpine Tue 19-Mar-19 13:46:04

I'm not saying I'm unattractive but....I've rarely attracted male attention in a bar whilst drinking on my own - something I like to do from time to time. Maybe I have a Don't fuck with me vibe!

FuckertyBoo Tue 19-Mar-19 13:49:42

I’ve done it and I’ll do it again mwahaha!

Ahem. Sorry. For some reason, “...and I’ll do it again” has to be followed by an evil cackle.

Yanbu.

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