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To think that we can all take a leaf out of Meghan Markle’s book

(20 Posts)
Back2Fronting Tue 19-Mar-19 02:49:12

Reading about her today and the way Harry looks at her, she is to me the ultimate example of a wise woman who knows how to make a man happy.

The way Harry looks at her is how we all want our men to look at us.

As a mixed raced woman myself trying to navigate my way through my own relationship and potential future family prejudices, I draw strength from the way Meghan handles herself. I am struggling personally. My future family in law are going to be a bit of a nightmare I already know it. They pretend that my being mixed race is not an issue and I do believe that they want to truly believe that too. But, the reality is that it is an issue for them and I know it especially when they make subconscious references to my “native” heritage which I am too exhausted to flag every time.

I only wish I had her discipline and discretion.

Stargazer888 Tue 19-Mar-19 03:11:46

Knows how to make a man happy? It's up to each of us if we are happy of not.

Are you sure your future in laws are going to be a nightmare? I'm mixed race too and sometimes people reference my background more out of curiosity. I remember your previous thread about anxiety and wrecking good relationships and wonder if you are potentially looking for trouble?

AgentProvocateur Tue 19-Mar-19 03:14:45

“Knows how to make a man happy”? This is not my aim in life.

Back2Fronting Tue 19-Mar-19 03:18:00

Maybe my anxiety is coming into play again. I’m not sure. I almost started a thread about my future Mil not liking me but deleted it before posting because I was worried about it sounding ridiculous.

Stargazer888 Tue 19-Mar-19 03:20:22

I would guess this is an issue for you and not them. Talk to your partner about it and see what he says. Are you in therapy for your anxiety?

Monty27 Tue 19-Mar-19 03:22:55

I think men are quite capable of feeling happy without being made to.

Back2Fronting Tue 19-Mar-19 03:28:05

I’ve had therapy in the past which sort of helped but then it boiled down to not being able to afford the cost.

My partner is really lovely. But he has his head in the sand when it comes to stuff like this. For example we went to a pub in his home town and I was stared at and not welcomed by the bar staff. He acknowledged that they were less than usually friendly but put it down to a bad day. But why doesn’t he acknowledge that it happens every time I’m with him and not when he’s visiting by himself?

I don’t want to cause trouble and I love him very much. But sometimes I think he really doesn’t have a clue about things I encounter a LOT.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 19-Mar-19 07:43:54

OPvit is very much about perception, he gets short shrift in a pub he believes it's their problem not his eg they were having a bad day, in the same circumstance you would personalise that and think they have a specific issue or dislike with you. This is very much about your anxiety , do you have medication? Have you been offered CBT? Look into rumination and thinking biases and how your mindset affects your experience of the world

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 19-Mar-19 07:44:40

Also you don't even know Megan markle or anything about the true nature of her marriage

Ellisandra Tue 19-Mar-19 07:52:42

I’m really sorry about the racism you gave in every day life, and that your boyfriend and his family don’t get it.

But - “keeping a man happy” should be no woman’s goal confused

Dragongirl10 Tue 19-Mar-19 07:56:42

OP you have a loving partner by the sounds of it, but seem rather unecessarily worried about being mixed race. Assuming you live in the UK, yes there will always be some prejudice, as there will always be bigotry against, gay/trans/chinese/jewish etc, because sadly some people are threatened by anyone not entirely like them.....but we do live in a relatively tolerant society compared to many countries.
l for one can say that most of us are far to busy living our own lives to care (or even notice)what the ethnicity of our friends, colleagues, neightbours is.
Life is far to short to even give this any headspace, there will always be people who don't like you, for all sorts of silly reasons. The only answer is to stop caring and focussing on it.

I am sure that MM just gets on with it, and you should too.

BTW an ex BF of mine's family didn't like me at ALL, why? because l didn't go to the 'right' school, or have the 'right'job.

ie my exBF went to a high achieving boarding school, l went to the local comprehensive.........people's prejudice comes from all sorts of places.........rise above and learn not to give a damn.

Ariela Tue 19-Mar-19 07:59:41

Also you don't even know Megan markle or anything about the true nature of her marriage

Past job: actor.

flapjackfairy Tue 19-Mar-19 08:04:23

They haven't been married 5 mins !
Really there are more important things in life than having your partner look at you with puppy dog eyes and no one knows how their marriage will pan out in the long term .
And what has her being mixed race got to do with it anyway ? I am sorry for your experiences but to me her heritage is not something I even think about and I have never heard anyone else refer to it either . People either like her or dont based on the persona she portrays ( dont forget she is an actress so we are seeing what she wants us to see).

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 19-Mar-19 08:07:51

I don't want my DH to lookup to me or vice versa - we are equals in the relationship

Ellisandra Tue 19-Mar-19 08:08:26

@Dragongirl100 that’s extremely rude to tell someone they are “unnecessarily worried about being mixed race” when they are the one experiencing racism! You should apologise.

Pa1oma Tue 19-Mar-19 08:09:49

OP are you sure your DPs family have an issue with you being mixed race? I can’t imagine where you must live or what kind of people they must be for this to even register as an issue at all. Most people are mixed heritage these days. My DC are - two look more like DH and two more like me, but I can honestly say, nobody bats an eyelid at us when we’re out and about anywhere, let alone “disliking” us for it.

I don’t know you, but maybe you are suffering from anxiety a little bit? In such a frame of mind, it could be that you’re over-identifying with MM and what you perceive to be her plight? The fact is, MM has put herself into a particular role. She will get commented on - if it’s not her being mixed-race, it would be something else. She would get just as many comments if she was a red head like Harry - women with red hair would be holding her up as a role model for whatever. The fact is, nobody knows her or has a clue about her relationship with the royals and it’s totally irrelevant to anything anyway.

If you really feel your in-laws are racist, why are you marrying into that family and what does your DP have to say?

jannier Tue 19-Mar-19 08:25:00

Others having a bad day and not offering a good service rarely has anything to do with the customer you need to go back to counselling ask your GP. You are not the centre of the universe and everyone isn't out to get you (or talk about you) but once you decide they are every glance, unheard comment builds in your mind to be about you before you know it your taking the long road home because that woman is following you, that man on the bus is part of a group etc.

TabbyMumz Tue 19-Mar-19 09:37:10

We all know absolutely zilch about Megan Markle. All we know is how she walks and talks, and that has been pre trained into her. They are not long wed and she is pregnant, that's why Harry looks at her, also to see how she is doing in a crowd.

TFBundy Tue 19-Mar-19 09:49:32

My DS is mixed race. I sincerely hope he does a bit better in life than jacking in his career to be a clothes horse and brood mare in an anachronism of a family that is only using him for their own self-preservation.

mummmy2017 Tue 19-Mar-19 09:51:50

If she is happy, then he will be happy.
Look first at what you need to deal with yourself.
As to MIL. . we all have them, they are all different...

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