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To not take the baby to the toilet with me

(129 Posts)
LLOE7 Mon 18-Mar-19 23:45:27

I have a 5 month old dd who is very much a Velcro baby. She only settles with me, but to be honest dh hasn't really tried to gain a bond with her, just says that she never wants him and just wants me- he says he will look after her when she's older as she's for me to look after while she is a baby. Anyway I have a very upset tummy tonight so have to keep visiting the toilet. I just went to the toilet and dd was crying, dh was shushing her and blowing in her face hmm and telling me to 'come on' I told him I'm not well and to comfort her, then I rushed as fast as I could. When I got back and took dd back we had this conversation-
Dh "You keep upsetting her, you have been to the toilet three times now about 20 minutes each time"
Me "I'm not well, what am I supposed to do?"
Dh "well you have to consider her needs, she comes first. Take her with you."
Me "But I'm not well, you only need to look after her for a little while. Try comforting her instead of just blowing in her face. I'm having really bad cramps and a bad tummy."
Dh "You need to consider her needs, she just wants you, she doesn't want me she just screams"
Me "But how is it fair on me to hold her while I'm on the toilet with a poorly tummy?"
Dh "This sounds like emotional blackmail now."
Me "What? No. How is it fair on me to take her with me while I am having a poorly tummy and she will just want to breastfeed? That's not fair is it and I will struggle if I have her with me when I've finished and everything" (blush)
Dh "Well life isn't fair. She just wants you we don't need to go through this again."
Then he promptly went back to sleep.

So my tummy is grumbling at me and I am having awful cramps so what do I do? Take her with me or leave her for dh to comfort? Who is BU? The reason she is crying is because we co sleep and I breastfeed so me getting up disturbs her.

Bambamber Mon 18-Mar-19 23:47:25

He is an asshole. When will he begin to think of her needs or is that all down to you?

Pumpkintopf Mon 18-Mar-19 23:50:16

For goodness sake, what about your needs in all of this?! You're ill! He should be able to hold shush and rock HIS baby while you're on the loo!!! And no, you should not have to take her with you!

HeronLanyon Mon 18-Mar-19 23:53:27

Your dh is bvvvvu.
Right now before even thinking of trying to deal with him being so unsupportive , just don’t worry or feel guilty about your Dd. You’re not well and need to look after yourself.
Hope you get better soon and then have strength to really tell your dh to grow up and step up !

ConfusedAngryWorried Mon 18-Mar-19 23:53:48

Your DD needs to be able to be comforted by her dad and you need to be able to crap in peace (or wallowing in your own discomfort - hope u feel better soon)
It is not hygenic how are you meant to wipe/wash hands etc.
He is saying this as it makes it easier for him and it is dickish behaviour.

Moanymoaner123 Mon 18-Mar-19 23:54:00

Your husband is a total, utter dickhead. I'm shocked that he could disregard both his wife and daughters needs so callously, and trying to claim emotional blackmail?! He is being 100% unreasonable, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. It's not hard to cuddle a baby, and you probably wouldn't have to be up and down so much if he just allowed you the time you need rather than rushing you.

LeesPostersAreInFrames Mon 18-Mar-19 23:54:15

He's being an absolutely hideous person.

If we're stuck in the baby has rights and you have none, then the baby has the right to be comforted by her father rather than carted to the toilet while somebody is having explosive diarrhea or vomiting, because being close to flying infected poo is not in the baby's best interests hmm

TheSandgroper Mon 18-Mar-19 23:55:18

Eh? Hygeine, that’s why.

PuzzlingPuzzle Mon 18-Mar-19 23:55:33

I thought this would be about leaving the baby in their cot/bouncer/jumperoo whilst you popped to the loo, not about a pathetic excuse of a man being unable to look after his child for mere minutes. It sounds as if he doesn’t want his sleep disturbed so is trying to guilt trip you which is disgraceful especially given that you’re unwell. Hope you feel better soon.

Gillian1980 Mon 18-Mar-19 23:56:04


He is being a complete twat.

Lovingbenidorm Mon 18-Mar-19 23:56:17

I can’t believe your husband is being so ridiculous!
NOONE should be expected to take a baby with them to the toilet at the best of times when the other parent is there!?
You are unwell, and frequent visits to the lav are unpleasant enough for you without some idiot telling you to take your 5month old with you because “she doesn’t want me”
How in the hell are you supposed to go to the loo,do your business, wipe and wash etc while holding a baby??
I also think his attitude generally needs looking at.
If he doesn’t make an effort to develop a relationship with his daughter now, it’s not going to magically happen when it suits him just because she’s old enough to be interesting & fun.
I hope you feel better soon

TinselAndKnickers Mon 18-Mar-19 23:57:05

What a fucking arsehole!

BigChocFrenzy Mon 18-Mar-19 23:57:27

I hope you get better very soon, OP 💐

He's a selfish arsehole
Just making excuses for his own laziness

Your DD needs someone to pay her 100% attention, which you can't do when you're likely to expel at both ends

SleepingStandingUp Mon 18-Mar-19 23:57:51

He's a jerk.

Why the hell is she for YOU to look after until he decides she's interesting enough to waste time on?

You have a tummy bug. You are presumably scrubbing your hands inbeywen wiping your b and touching jer
Whu the fock would you hold her in your arms whilst you poo, then try not to touch her with your dirty hand when there's a grown man downstairs who helped make her??

He won't step up unless you make him. Wake him up, hand him the baby and go to the loo.

SprinklesandDust Tue 19-Mar-19 00:01:47

Just tell him you can't solve every problem and you need him to step up. Wish you better.

Goldmandra Tue 19-Mar-19 00:02:04

Well life isn't fair. She just wants you we don't need to go through this again.

She may want you but it will do her less harm for him to hold her. She doesn't have to have what she wants.

TBH, he doesn't give a toss what she wants. He's just saying that because it coincides with what he wants.

Please don't take her with you. What sort of father can't hold his own child while his wife goes to the loo FGS? He needs to stop making excuses and step up.

LadAlive Tue 19-Mar-19 00:03:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LLOE7 Tue 19-Mar-19 00:05:38

Thank you for the quick replies- I needed to know I wasn't BU towards dd. I have managed to get her into a deep sleep in the next to me crib so hopefully she will stay asleep for a while now.
We have an older ds who dh is absolutely amazing with - has been since he was born, but it's been completely different with dd, no idea why. For the most part I just get on with it and look after her but tonight I am really not feeling well and need the support so am a bit upset he's been so unsympathetic. Thank you for wishing me well soon, I really hope I'm fine by morning envy

CalmdownJanet Tue 19-Mar-19 00:07:13

Wow, what an utterly lazy, selfish useless shitty fucking father! He is a terrible father and a shitty husband, you both deserve better. I hope he gets your dodgy stomach and the worst case of the trots ever, he deserves it

tildaMa Tue 19-Mar-19 00:10:09

We have an older ds who dh is absolutely amazing with - has been since he was born, but it's been completely different with dd, no idea why.

Because he's a sexist twat, that's why.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Designerenvy Tue 19-Mar-19 00:10:50

Does he want dd to get your tummy bug ? If she's in the loo with you she 100% will.
Also, while you have tummy bug, he should take over, to allow you rest and recovery but to also minimise risk of baby getting it.
What a complete idiot he's being !!

NeverSayFreelance Tue 19-Mar-19 00:14:44

Always good to see a father who doesn't want to parent his own child. Not.

For a start, taking your baby to the bathroom whilst you're ill isn't very sanitary for the baby. Second of all, as someone with stomach problems who spends a lot of time in bathrooms, the last thing I'd ever want is company confused

Tell him to get a grip and look after his child. After all, her needs come first.

GemmeFatale Tue 19-Mar-19 00:14:56

I’d go and sleep elsewhere tonight. You’ll sleep better. Baby will sleep better.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Tue 19-Mar-19 00:16:10

Tell him you'll take her with you when you go if he comes too, so he can hold her while you attend to your business (you're clearly going to need one hand free so it's an entirely reasonable request if it's really all about putting the baby first) See how he feels about that, the twat

SleepingStandingUp Tue 19-Mar-19 00:18:21

Oh is she your responsibility because she's a girl do you think OP? He can't change her bum because she has girl bits and he's a man so he can't touch them? He can't play with her cos she's a girl and if she'll only like dolly's and touching them will make. His penis fall off?

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