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Friend telling me to 'get a life' - AIBU to tell her to get fucked?!

(56 Posts)
HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed Mon 18-Mar-19 22:29:20

One of my friends is always lecturing me on how I need to get a life, make time for myself, make the effort to meet a new partner, take time out and so on and so forth. I appreciate the sentiment but the reality is I have an 11 year old who's clingy due to emotional abuse from her father, a 5 year old who has HFA, a 4 year old who is diabetic and possibly has ADHD/PDA, a 1 year old who's still breastfeeding. I work from home at night and make a pittance. I can't work during the day at the moment due to my caring responsibilities and the reality of childcare costs for 4 DC.

I don't like the idea of leaving the DC with a babysitter but even if I did, I can't because of the various issues detailed above. I have no family support at all. It's really beginning to grate on me that my friend keeps telling me all about her trips to the gym, people she's met, nights out she's planning and rolling her eyes like I'm being a martyr when I say it isn't an option for me right now. AIBU to give her short shrift if she starts with the same conversation when I see her tomorrow?

KTyoupigeon Mon 18-Mar-19 22:31:34

Ask her to babysit!! That might shut her up!

AnyFucker Mon 18-Mar-19 22:31:37

Yanbu. With knobs on.

Merryoldgoat Mon 18-Mar-19 22:32:21

I make it a point not to spend time with people who make me feel bad about myself.

She sounds like an idiot - it’s obvious to anyone that you can’t just take time out and her rubbing your nose in it is just a way for her to feel superior.

Leeeeemon36 Mon 18-Mar-19 22:32:52

Do you need to see her tomorrow? Ask hermaybe she would like to babysit for you to facilitate your trip to gym/cinema/swimming pool?

Yanbu, give her short shrift and a swift kick up her arse

RosemarysBush Mon 18-Mar-19 22:33:58

Has she always been so lacking in empathy?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Mon 18-Mar-19 22:36:02

Thank her kindly for offering to babysit so you can go out then!😉

thedisorganisedmum Mon 18-Mar-19 22:37:35

she is an idiot. No mother of 4 has time to have "a life", and you have to manage it all on your own.

God knows how you find the energy to work at night. Your only priority about yourself must be to get some sleep, not go clubbing to meet some guys.

Tell her to jog on, what exactly does she expect you to do?

MrsBertBibby Mon 18-Mar-19 22:39:02

You sound far too busy to spend time with this silly person.

BlackeyedGruesome Mon 18-Mar-19 22:39:35

Tell her you already have five lives, and all of them are better than her films, and nights out which are not going to last.

Normally I would not comment on someone's choices but she has pissed me off as well, being the parent of only two autistic children and knowing how hard just two are.

Heismyopendoor Mon 18-Mar-19 22:40:39

She doesn’t really sound like a friend

BlackCatSleeping Mon 18-Mar-19 22:51:15

I don't get all the "ask her to babysit" comments.

How about, "Why do you always say that? It's so insensitive and rude"?

Just be honest with her. If she doesn't get it, then don't spend time with her.

I'm in a similar situation to you and the last thing I'd want is a boyfriend right now.

FuckertyBoo Mon 18-Mar-19 22:55:02

Well, asking her to babysit might be a neat way of reminding her that children need to be cared for and the op can’t just fuck off to the gym or on a date. That’s why, all the “ask her to babysit” comments.

RomanticFatigue Mon 18-Mar-19 22:56:14

You can make your life better by binning your so-called friend.

feska5 Mon 18-Mar-19 22:59:19

It sounds to me as if you have a very busy full on life. You are concentrating on your family and their needs. Nothing wrong with that. She doesn’t sound very supportive of your situation, she’s not a friend

PlasticPatty Mon 18-Mar-19 23:03:44

Where you can, enjoy what you have to do. And as others have advised, bin the 'friend' making you feel bad.

H0wt0kn0w Mon 18-Mar-19 23:09:17

Yeh, she's just putting MORE pressure on you!! You sound like you have a lot on your plate. But she doesn't sound very supportive. ''Get a life'' is judgement not support!

Boysey45 Mon 18-Mar-19 23:12:53

She sounds very unkind and unsupportive. I think I'd tell her to fuck off.No point messing about.

QueenEhlana Mon 18-Mar-19 23:20:12

Tell her you'd love to get a life, but could she please suggest where you could squeeze it in? Is she offering to take over some of your responsibilities? No? Funny that...

mumwon Mon 18-Mar-19 23:23:03

why in the name that is holy is going to the gym seen as anything other than penance? Fun???? Running round after 4 dc means you are probably getting more exercise _ & all this going out is about her having a absence in HER life - you live your life the way that suits you & your dc now - because your a good busy mum - if you feel the need & can afford it from time to time do a take away watch a film read a book buy a facial from boots or whatever - or buy a nice bar of chocolate smile for along time going out for me meant something I did with my dc that we all enjoyed (& could afford & plan for) hugs!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Mon 18-Mar-19 23:28:11

So many MNers post about 'friends' who are critical, unsupportive, CFers blatantly taking advantage, etc.

They're not friends. They're acquaintances, or just people they happen to know.

Pantsomime Mon 18-Mar-19 23:33:55

OP you tell her you do have a life & made 4 beautiful children, your main project is investing in their development & don’t have extra time to spend with her at the moment, but will be in touch ( see ya don’t wanna be ya) you need people on your wave length in your life not people who make you feel bad

HazardGhost Mon 18-Mar-19 23:40:21


I have a friend exactly like this. She makes me feel like shit and I'm avoiding her currently.

SprinklesandDust Mon 18-Mar-19 23:52:59

Rolling eyes like you're being a martyr? That I've not seen before. I get the raised eyebrows and a nod. In my experience it's better not to say anything about it. She might feel she can't share her life with you. She may be coming from a caring place. But its fucking annoying nonetheless. Maybe 'that's enough now' or 'can we talk about something else now'.

KittyVonCatsworth Mon 18-Mar-19 23:53:23

I'm surprised you don't laugh hysterically / manically in her haughty face tbh! Find time for yourself???!!! Holy crap, I'm struggling to see how you can pee without sharing it. She's completely insensitive and you're definitely not BU if you sharply list what your days consists of and ask her what she can physically do to "make time for yourself".

It doesn't sound easy, but I do hope that it will get easier for you xx

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