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Aib u to ask what age did you become invisible and do you miss the attention of the opposite sex.

(234 Posts)
whatisforteamum Mon 18-Mar-19 17:51:19

Until now I always thought it was a myth.I am 52 however I am slim energetic with a young sense of humour and taste in music.Having a teenager at home I keep up with the latest trends through him.I work long hours and have the stamina people half my age lack.I work with people in their 20s.
Recently though there is no denying my wrinkles.Previously I thought they were a badge of honour.Now I just feel old.Men do give me second glances when I am out.However for the most part I feel invisible.
I have never been pretty more attractive I think.What age did you feel like this?

MarieIVanArkleStinks Thu 06-Jun-19 17:43:53

I couldn't care less, TBH. Validation from complete strangers is a form of attention I don't want or need. And to be called 'ugly' by an ignorant little dipshit like this would, quite frankly, be a badge of honour.

startalovetrain Thu 06-Jun-19 17:38:08

I've always been mostly invisible because I'm quite ugly (not a pity party, it's just a fact)

I'm also fat, so being invisible is actually better than having random people shout insults and taking the piss on nights out 🤷‍♀️

weegiemum Thu 06-Jun-19 17:28:18

I'm 48 with 3 teenagers - 15, 17 and 19.

I'm invisible because I'm disabled and use a wheelchair. Very little makes you more invisible than that, when you'd think it makes you stand out from the crowd! I'm fat too, which doesn't help.

However, my dh adores me, my kids are growing up into nice people (most of the time) and I use my brain, I'm studying and volunteer teaching basic literacy and numeracy.

I think it's important to not become invisible to yourself, keep a strong sense of who you are. You are still you!!

Holidaylover Mon 25-Mar-19 10:31:34

I have never felt visible. I've always been overweight and I'm a plain Jane so nothing special to look at at all.

SomethingOnce Mon 25-Mar-19 01:22:02

The general leering and harrassment was over by 40.

I don’t miss it, no; it’s great to go about your business in peace.

BlueSaphire Mon 25-Mar-19 01:12:13

I think it's liberating not to be ogled at everytime you walk out....age is a great liberator.smile
When I was younger I would wear black framed glasses with a clear lense because that made me feel less noticable, and I loved that feeling.
I dont need the glasses now, and I am happy to take a back seat and let the young things get the often unwanted attention.

Seniorschoolmum Mon 25-Mar-19 00:53:44

I know what you mean OP. I didn’t much like being leered at so a relief that has stopped but now people seem to try & “walk through” me in supermarkets.
It’s as if being 50 makes it ok to be barged out of the way without an apology.
I’m developing a rebellious streak and sharp elbows. I’ll be putting a brick in my bag next smile

lhw92 Mon 25-Mar-19 00:46:06

Well I’m in my 20s, but as an ugly woman I’ve never received attention from men 🤷‍♀️

Although I’ve had plenty of men mock/insult my appearance before hmm

HouseOfToys Mon 25-Mar-19 00:35:29

I'm not sure when. I'm 36. But 5 years of babies mean I don't get out that much.
I used to get a lot of attention, it was the norm. I dressed to show off my figure. Which was pretty good.

If I do go out now I feel "safer" a bit more relaxed as its highly unlikely I'd be hit on.
I'm bothered about what people think of how I look because I have rock bottom self confidence but I always have been so no change there really.

But would feel more validated by a compliment from a woman rather than a man.

Gwenhwyfar Mon 25-Mar-19 00:25:52

"reconfirms my view that the wolf whistling was just something they do to any younger girl. "

Wolf whistling is on its last legs. It's MUCH less common now than it was 20 years ago - times have changed, not just your age.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 24-Mar-19 21:00:03

Gradually reduced once I went through the menopause at 50 became more jowly, more wrinkly and lost my slim figure. I'm 54 and rarely get male attention now although I did get checked out the other day - a double take - funny thing is I sort of assumed I must have ketchup on my face or something embarrassing whereas when I was younger I assumed it was for other reasons.
I sometimes miss it and sometimes don't - being admired for your looks by men is a bit of a poisoned chalice. I feel braver in the world now that I'm not being looked at and can just get on being me.

MsTSwift Sun 24-Mar-19 20:43:52

I work with the terminally ill and am quite a hit with some of the extremely elderly men at 44 I may not turn the heads of most men on the street but to an 80 plus bed bound chap I am HOT

thistimeofyear Sun 24-Mar-19 16:08:05

I work for a well known lingerie retailer and one of our customers said "I am 63 and I get a lot of unwanted attention from men!" I suppose it is all relative and it depends very much on the men/type of attention smile
Personally I think if you have confidence in yourself and look happy with yourself (if you know what I mean) you get a lot more attention from everyone generally...not just men

Mortgages Tue 19-Mar-19 23:34:13

I’m 35 and still get lots of attention from a range of men... currently being harassed by my 24 year old tennis instructor for a FWB arrangement, still turn heads on the street- I attribute this to eating as well as I can, sleep, lots of exercise/Wright’s/HITT and good old melanin.

FrozenMargarita17 Tue 19-Mar-19 19:57:12

Happy birthday @stevie69

FrozenMargarita17 Tue 19-Mar-19 19:56:31

@PBo83 being invisible is definitely useful for this grin

lovelygreenjumper Tue 19-Mar-19 14:48:46

I'm quite happy to be invisible. It happened gradually, from about the age of 30.

In my teens I was 'odd' looking (tall, very thin, awkward) so got a lot of male attention for this (lots of reference to absence of breasts/'don't fancy yours much' comments etc).

In my 20s I grew in to my looks and although the attention of men I liked was nice there was an awful lot of attention from dicks. In particular older leery dicks.

In my 30s (with the added invisibility cloak of a bit of extra weight and 2 DC in tow most of the time) it was rather liberating to be able to wear what the hell I liked and even [drum roll] sit in a cafe/park without being approached by some bloke looking for an ego boost.

Now I'm in my 40s I really feel more confident than ever. I put some of this down to the fact that I am certain that no (one other than DH)(male of female) has an interest or would think to pass comment on what I wear/where I go/what I do. Very liberating.

MeAgainAgain Tue 19-Mar-19 14:35:06

And of course the men know that girls and young women are far less confident and that's why they feel comfortable approaching them in the first place. They know they probably won't get told to piss off. They know even if the girl doesn't want to talk to them, she likely won't know how to get away, and will not want to be "rude" and also might be a bit worried about how to extricate herself safely.

Men in pubs and bars kick off all the time if you don't play nice, it's happened to me loads.

MeAgainAgain Tue 19-Mar-19 14:31:38

IME I'd say 80%+ of the interactions I had with men I didn't know when young, which were not instigated by me in some way, fell into a category of unwanted veering to unpleasant.

"My point was that if we classify smiling at someone and small talk as 'harassment' (when it isn't accompanied by any of the factors listed above) then aren't we just making human interaction between the sexes a minefield that is virtually impossible to navigate?"

But it depends on the recipient.

It is fine for a man to do this to me, in the scheme of things. I can tell him to fuck off / have the confidence to be "rude" and leave etc. I didn't when I was young. My DD doesn't.

A lot of this is in the eye of the beholder.

I never got any kind of positive feelings about random men fancying me so I didn't want to talk to them.
If you are a person who does get positive feelings when random men fancy you, then obviously you have a different perspective on this.

I note that women who has said that they don't like it now, and they didn't like it when they are young, are coming round to being told they are making contact between the sexes virtually impossible etc.... that boils down the the old joyless / prude type stuff really doesn't it?

PBo83 Tue 19-Mar-19 13:35:47

I also want all males within a 50 mile radius to piss off too.

Hmmm....Could be difficult to orchestrate! smile

stevie69 Tue 19-Mar-19 13:35:16

I'm 52 today smile I think I'm way more visible than I ever have been. I'm just so much more 'at one with myself' than I was when I was younger.

I have more empathy for others too. I'm just a more rounded person and get more rounded, metaphorically, as the years pass.

I'm happy smile

FrozenMargarita17 Tue 19-Mar-19 13:32:44

I am 30 and am now mum to a small child which means not only am I fat, ugly, and tired which means I am definitely invisible, I also want all males within a 50 mile radius to piss off too. They are all invisible to me.

So win win I guess haha.

Dungeondragon15 Tue 19-Mar-19 13:16:44

Besides, it's normally abundantly clear pretty quickly if the flirtation isn't being appreciated or reciprocated anyway. It's perfectly reasonable to not want to engage in conversation with strangers and the vast VAST majority of strangers will accept that but it surely it can't be an offence to instigate a conversation (unless, like I say, it is done crudely, aggressively or you are overly persistent)

It doesn't have to be an offence. The fact is some of us don't like it and have never liked it so when we say that we don't miss attention from the opposite sex we are not conflating harassment with sexual desirability as suggested above.

GG20 Tue 19-Mar-19 13:07:55

Always been invisible (I don't think I've ever been wolf whistled, even when I was younger). Perfectly happy with that!

StarlightIntheNight Tue 19-Mar-19 12:50:49

I have to say, I never enjoyed men looking at me or taking notice. I rather walk by like everything is normal and not someone checking me out....I still get noticed. More so when I wear make up. After having kids I rarely wear any make up. But the odd day I do wear make up, I definitely notice a difference in the increase of men checking me out... I get more invisible, when I am wear gym gear and no make up. Or clothes with muddy dog prints and muddy shoes and no makeup with a hooded jacket on.

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