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Aib u to ask what age did you become invisible and do you miss the attention of the opposite sex.

(234 Posts)
whatisforteamum Mon 18-Mar-19 17:51:19

Until now I always thought it was a myth.I am 52 however I am slim energetic with a young sense of humour and taste in music.Having a teenager at home I keep up with the latest trends through him.I work long hours and have the stamina people half my age lack.I work with people in their 20s.
Recently though there is no denying my wrinkles.Previously I thought they were a badge of honour.Now I just feel old.Men do give me second glances when I am out.However for the most part I feel invisible.
I have never been pretty more attractive I think.What age did you feel like this?

marvellousnightforamooncup Mon 18-Mar-19 18:20:46

About 40, and also when pregnant. I'm absolutely delighted to be invisible and haven't missed it for a second. It's so liberating and I couldn't give a shiny shit about what men think of me.

topcat2014 Mon 18-Mar-19 18:21:29

Well, I am not aware of ever having been 'visible' to the opposite sex. Somewhere along the way I managed to find a DW (I am male) but apart from that not something I recall.

I suppose someone could have liked what they saw once whistful smile

Mylifeisboring Mon 18-Mar-19 18:22:23

Never had any attention from men, always the quiet one looking uncomfortable. More confident now, still get ignored and very happy with that as I care less now.

BloggersNet Mon 18-Mar-19 18:22:50

I only had that kind of attention in my teens and early twenties. For me it was mostly unwelcome though sometimes fun. I've long since been invisible to most men and very happy that way.

Skyejuly Mon 18-Mar-19 18:23:45


Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 18-Mar-19 18:24:15

flowers. That bloke is fuckin shit head. I'm not going to say. "Oh don't let it upset you." I know better than any one. It does cut deeply.
However what's he a top male modellehmm. I bet He's got a face like a sorry arse. If people can give it they can take it.

Alsohuman Mon 18-Mar-19 18:24:35

The really weird thing I find is that I now get the attention of other women. Complete strangers tell me they like my shoes/earrings/dress/red lipstick. It's far nicer than male attention, I absolutely love it when someone young enough to be my granddaughter compliments me.

Lottapianos Mon 18-Mar-19 18:24:46

I'm tall, often wear glasses, and usually have short hair so I have rarely had attention from men in the street or in public generally. I'm not remotely sad about it either. It means much more to me when female colleagues or acquaintances say they like my clothes or lipstick or whatever. That sort of attention really does make me feel good

Lottapianos Mon 18-Mar-19 18:26:02

Cross post, alsohuman! I really would be sad if that sort of attention came to an end

JeremyIronsBenFolds Mon 18-Mar-19 18:27:20

Being autistic, I’ve never ever been aware of male attention. I’m nearly 40 and feel as visible or not to men as I ever have. I can count on one hand the number of times in my life I’ve known a man has found me attractive (and I’m married to one of them!). I suppose it’s freeing in a way, but I would have liked to feel a bit of that ‘power’ grin.

Wearywithteens Mon 18-Mar-19 18:27:48

I’m 49 and completely invisible. My invisibility cloak started around early 30s and post-babies weight gain. I’ve said before that MI5 ought to recruit me - I could walk round doing anything and no one even notices me. Lots of women get defensive on these threads though and say ‘well I’m NOT invisible’ but if that is true, it’s usually for all the wrong reasons or you are actually famous.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 18-Mar-19 18:28:51

I also think your collegue is a bit of a shit pot for telling you. To me its almost like she couldnt wait to tell you. A lot of people might disagree, but I'd never repeat if I heard anything said about someone if I knew or even thought it would hurt them.
Ignorance is bliss.

shitpark Mon 18-Mar-19 18:29:21

I'm in my early 50's and still,get attention, most of it unwanted. I reciprocate if I like someone, but this involves flirtation over time, rather than one off things while I'm going about a busy day which are just irritating. I expect I will become invisible soon, as I approach 60. Not sure how I'll feel about it, especially if I'm still single.

Bigearringsbigsmile Mon 18-Mar-19 18:29:49

have never had much attention from men ever. Am very tall and hefty and quite plain so...
46 now and feel about 100

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Mon 18-Mar-19 18:30:12

I’m with you Asta never felt invisible until recently, I’m tall, very slim and attractive looking but something has changed I just don’t feel attractive anymore, I think it could be a bit of my own fault actually, although I don’t look particularly different, I really feel it since hitting 50 I think it’s had quite a negative effect on me actually and that’s coming through in how I’m viewed, need to get my mojo back somehow but it’s disappeared completely, I’m blaming peri.

Alsohuman Mon 18-Mar-19 18:30:36

Oh me too, Lotta!

MsFenellaFielding Mon 18-Mar-19 18:32:15

I'm 50 and work in a tiny coffee shop.

I became invisible around 45 when my marriage broke up, dcs, mental health etc. However, I am viable again. Mind you, mostly from men about the same ageish. Their eyesight is failing but their confidence is not.

whatisforteamum Mon 18-Mar-19 18:32:43

Thank you awwlookat.☺He told us he was a c##t.Some of the things he said were banter.Being called ugly isn't nice at any age.To me it is a guys personality that shines through.No he was not.In his 30s with a self confessed beer belly!!
I agree women's compliments are lovely.

MsFenellaFielding Mon 18-Mar-19 18:33:44

VISABLE not viable! What was I saying about eyesight grin

ChristianGreysAnatomy Mon 18-Mar-19 18:33:58

Unlike all those wise and admirable posters upthread who didn’t build their self esteem on male attention, I did. I can see that now but when I was in my 20s I was too needy and too stupid to realise.

Started to become invisible in late 30s, and had a big dip in self confidence. Now in my early 40s I have reassessed my self worth and feel a lot better for it.

I work in a very male dominated environment and work is a very different and much healthier experience now. I won’t pretend I dont sometimes miss being able to get what I want by flirting though!

Henrysmycat Mon 18-Mar-19 18:34:11

I was extremely popular in my youth with both sexes. But once, I got married, that was it. I don’t give a monkeys if I’m admired or fancied by men as long as my DH fancies me.
I do, however, dress nicely, go to the gym, maintain good skin etc. Now, a comment on my dress sense/face/hair is far more welcome.
Tbh, even if you look like Liz Hurley, 20-somethings will find you “old and ew”.

BrusselPout Mon 18-Mar-19 18:34:15

Mine was in my early 30s, but think it's because I put on 3 stone (I came off the pill and my pcos made a dramatic appearance taking me to a size 20 rather than my usual 14) rather than age.

Now the only time I'm not invisible is when utter fucking cunts people feel the need to insult me in the street for no apparent reason

flyingspaghettimonster Mon 18-Mar-19 18:34:18

I think men stopped thinking of me as attractive age 22 when I reached a size 18... got called a "fat ugly munter" by some asshole boy at college (well, not to my face, an alleged friend decided to tell me her flat mate had said "oh no, does that fat ugly munter have to come?" On a night out.)I had never even heard the term before, and it hurt like hell. It still does 16 years on. I did receive a flurry of attention in ky late 20's when I lost all the weight briefly, but it is clearly a case of thin equals attractive.

These days I am fairly happy not to be noticed, but I wish I could lose the weight for my own sake. I haven't felt pretty in at least 10 years.

VeronicaDinner Mon 18-Mar-19 18:34:35

I've always had a lot of attention. I'm dreading losing it.

I'm 35 now and it's still going strong. My Uber driver on Sunday when I was picked up from a friend's house hungover and in no make up said I had ten minutes to decide whether to be his girlfriend or not. I've had attention of this intensity since I was 16. I was a very ugly child due to facial scarring, so it was life changing for me to suddenly be being chased down the street.

Weirdlookingbricks Mon 18-Mar-19 18:35:03

I'm not attractive and I've never had much male attention around being fancied. I noticed that when I got to 50 I became virtually invisible to everyone though! Shop assistants, adult women, kids - everyone! It was a real shock. It bothered me far more than the lack of attention from men because it was suddenly as if I'd become irrelevant.

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