Advanced search

Aib u to ask what age did you become invisible and do you miss the attention of the opposite sex.

(234 Posts)
whatisforteamum Mon 18-Mar-19 17:51:19

Until now I always thought it was a myth.I am 52 however I am slim energetic with a young sense of humour and taste in music.Having a teenager at home I keep up with the latest trends through him.I work long hours and have the stamina people half my age lack.I work with people in their 20s.
Recently though there is no denying my wrinkles.Previously I thought they were a badge of honour.Now I just feel old.Men do give me second glances when I am out.However for the most part I feel invisible.
I have never been pretty more attractive I think.What age did you feel like this?

IM0GEN Mon 18-Mar-19 17:53:10

Ive never felt like this. Im very happy that I’m no longer sexually harassed.

Ottessa Mon 18-Mar-19 17:56:50

Having never built my self-esteem over my 'visibility' in male eyes, I can report that life aged 46 is much the same as it was aged 26.

Honestly, OP, cop on. Ask yourself what in your socialisation has taught you that your looks, as judged by men in the street, are this important.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 18-Mar-19 17:57:30

Im the opposite. I didn't really fully grow into myself until my mid 30s. I had a few boy friends, but nothing serious. I certainly didn't appeal to men.
On a night out all the blokes would be flocking around my friends and id be stood there getting told my mates were fit. I'm not ashamed to admit, I used to go home and cry.
However its flipped the other way now. Swings and round abouts, I guess.

Thingsdogetbetter Mon 18-Mar-19 18:01:19

Was always invisible to most men. I was a massive punk rocker and dressed 'aggressively' so never got attention off normal men anyway. Lol. Found punk rock males, even aging ones, aren't as into conventional youth and looks as most men my seem to be. Thankfully. I still hang round in alternative circles and get pretty much the same amount of attention at 50 i did at 25.

Only time I got lots of attention of normal men was after my marraige broke down in my mid thirties. It was like they could smell vulnerability!!

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld Mon 18-Mar-19 18:01:54

For me, 30. I was a SM to two and looking (and still do) really haggard due to poverty and the effects of EA from my selfish cunting rapist, pot and other substance using exh their father

Margotshypotheticaldog Mon 18-Mar-19 18:02:41

I'm 46, already pretty invisible. I think it happened gradually so I acclimatised gradually. It really hit me one particular day though. I was struggling to get a large purchase into the back of my car, and a guy in his 20s rushed towards me. My first thought was "aaaaghh! Mugger!!" instead of, as in my younger days, presuming he was about to hit on me. ☺
He was trying to help BTW, not mug me.
I don't miss the unwanted attention, I never really liked it.
And I love love going to the beach and not giving a shit how I look.

Margotshypotheticaldog Mon 18-Mar-19 18:06:03

I don't think I measured my value in terms of how I looked, as a pp said. But it annoyed me that others did, that men would only talk to me because of how I looked.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 18-Mar-19 18:06:40

I feel the same. 😟
I think it was around 40 when I realised that I hadn't been looked up and down in the street for ages. I miss it, '''twas fun.

DramaAlpaca Mon 18-Mar-19 18:06:55

I've never judged myself on how attractive I am to men & my self esteem hasn't ever been built on that. I don't know if I'm invisible or not, I don't care a jot. I'm 55 & fabulous grin

Oysterbabe Mon 18-Mar-19 18:07:40

I'm 38 and invisible. I was thinking just the other day how much I enjoy it, so much less stressful.

Hiddenaspie1973 Mon 18-Mar-19 18:07:56

I've been invisible for years now. Im 45.
I'll be honest, it's very freeing to leave the youngsters to all that attention from men. Most of it is negative, most guys are chancers punching above their weight.
They're welcome. I've had my share of looks and attention which caused no end of aggro.
I'm taken more seriously and the contents of my mind are valued over the contents of my bra and knickers. It's good for me.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 18-Mar-19 18:09:46

I don't think it's 'measuring my value by how attractive I am to men' as a few posters have said, more just a bit of fun when you pass someone, equal for both the male and the female.

MsTSwift Mon 18-Mar-19 18:10:04

Frankly it’s a relief. Got lots of attention double takes leering flashing grim comments weird sexual aggression from men. Hit 33 and had a baby bam it stops. Result!

MsTSwift Mon 18-Mar-19 18:12:51

Yes a business contact asked me to lunch the other day. 15 years ago he would have used it as a pretext to ask me out that happened all the time. Now...he just wanted to talk business grin

April241 Mon 18-Mar-19 18:12:55

I'm 32 and guess I'm either invisible, don't go out enough to actually be noticed or don't give a shit if I am out grin. I go out that rarely since having kids that when I am out I'm too focused on my husband and/or friends to notice what's going on round about me.

PositiveVibez Mon 18-Mar-19 18:13:11

I'm in my 40s and can never imagine feeling like this.

I couldn't give two shits about receiving male attention for how I look, so I don't know if I'm 'invisible' to the male gaze.

Why is it so important to you to keep young and trendy?

Asta19 Mon 18-Mar-19 18:13:26

These threads always bring out the people who will say that you are wrong if you miss male attention. We're all supposed to breathe a sigh of relief that we're no longer "sexually harassed". Well I'll admit it, I miss it! It happened to me around the age of 48. Suddenly I looked my age after years of looking younger.

If I go to a pub now I don't attract a single glance, and I would like to! I'm single and I bloody hate OLD. In my younger years that's how I met partners, out socialising. But now I'm invisible where does that leave me? If I was married or with a long term partner maybe I would feel differently but as a single woman, it sucks.

Adiia Mon 18-Mar-19 18:13:40

In my twenties. Became muslim, put on islamic clothes(headscarf, long black robe) and pouf! Invisible!

MorrisZapp Mon 18-Mar-19 18:14:07

If I wear my heeled boots and a lick of makeup I still get turned heads. I'm 47. I'll be gutted when it's gone.

Peanuthedz Mon 18-Mar-19 18:15:20

Still got it at 50. Turn men's heads all the time. Dating a 35 year old.

GraceMarks Mon 18-Mar-19 18:18:13

Ha, I'm fat so I've never actually been visible. Suits me fine.

whatisforteamum Mon 18-Mar-19 18:18:48

Perhaps I expressed this wrongly.I don't normally worry what others think too much.I am not vain either I just think it is nice to be seen as attractive as well as hard working and a good parent.
A guy said I was ugly last week and to a colleague in her 20s.Seeing pictures of myself recently I do look older.I do make an effort to wear colour and dress nicely not mutton dressed as lamb though.I think my self esteem has taken a plummet.

lidoshuffle Mon 18-Mar-19 18:19:26

60 and love the invisibility. Combined with a 'don't give a damn and am going to plough my own furrow' which comes with age for many people, I feel freer and happier than for decades.

GrumpyOldMare Mon 18-Mar-19 18:20:38

I'm 54 and been happily invisible for years. Hated being eyed up or leered at by men. I'm a person not an object.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »