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re: in laws and gifts?

(11 Posts)
saxatablesalt Mon 18-Mar-19 15:35:24

I just want to clarify I do not want to bash my in laws, they are lovely people.

But they buy DS SO much tat. We only live in a small flat and we genuinely haven't got room for it. They buy him clothes 3 or 4 sizes too big for him that he will "grow into" but I haven't got space to store stuff he isn't going to fit into for another year or two. They buy him endless plastic toys he doesn't play with.

He's starting to expect a bag of presents every time he sees them as well and I don't want him to think they are just there to bring him presents.

It comes from a good place I know but I (and DH) have tried to tell them we don't have room and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

AIBU to start sending things to the charity shop/donating them to playgroups etc?

OohDammit Mon 18-Mar-19 15:58:56

My in-laws are the same, absolutely lovely people who like to spoil their grandchildren.

We have told them that we are very grateful but are worried that the children will become spoiled and that we want them to truly value what they have, this worked better for us than the no space approach.

Bonniegirlie Mon 18-Mar-19 15:59:08

Ignoring your wishes is just rude. I would speak to them about it once more and explain it how you have on here and say you will stop and search them at the door and won't let them in if they've brought anything. And mean it. That should work

Spiderbanana Mon 18-Mar-19 16:01:59

Can you get them to buy into something like a sticker book? They can buy packs of stickers and it will be just their thing. DS will enjoy it and they get the joy of giving but it won't take up much space

BlueMerchant Mon 18-Mar-19 16:06:39

My Ils are the same. If they come to our house and see something my mum has bought my DC ( if they've been to shops with her and she let's them choose a treat - not a regular occurrence) they will turn up the next day with old tat from their attic.
They then complain I only want DC to have toys from my mum and not them when I explain we have no room for it all. This happens at least ,3 times a year.

Handsfull13 Mon 18-Mar-19 16:12:08

Tell your in laws that your children are starting to expect gifts and you don't want it to ruin their relationship with the children so you think it's best to reduce it and stop it.

Also teach your children about having to much stuff and recycling/donating. Have a clear out and tell them to pick a few things that you will be donating.

I have a friend who's Mil does this and she has taught her son that every time grandma brings something new that isn't for a special occasion eg birthday or Xmas he has to choose one thing to donate to make room.
Her son eventually asked his grandma to stop bringing things because he likes his toys too much.

starfishmummy Mon 18-Mar-19 16:12:26

If it's too big clothing then I'd aske them to keep it at their house until you need it. Maybe then they'll realise how much stuff they are getting and stop!

Or I felt no guilt about passing on to charity shops. If there was something that was almost the right size I'd hold on for a while, if I really loved something I'd keep it bit the rest of the stuff which ranged from damaged, older girls cropped trousers bought as longs for a small boy (so they'd never fit) or just plain hideous would go.

Drum2018 Mon 18-Mar-19 16:16:00

Do they live near you and do you visit them often? If so I'd thank them for the gifts and then bag them up again and hand them to them to store at their house for when Ds visits them. As for the oversized clothes, do the same. A couple of times handing stuff back may be enough to stop them buying so much. Just explain that you don't have space for stuff that won't be used for a couple of years.

saxatablesalt Mon 18-Mar-19 16:16:50

I mean DS is 3 (and he's tiny, he's still in 18-24 clothes for the most part) and they buy him stuff in age 6-7!

They buy him LOADS of stickers and there is genuinely no point because he has zero interest in them. I have really tried to tell them.

saxatablesalt Mon 18-Mar-19 16:17:16

They live about 90 minutes away and we see them once a month.

Spiritinabody Mon 18-Mar-19 16:48:25

I can understand the problem but you need to talk to your in-laws and make sure your point hits home.

Perhaps you should tell them you want presents confined to birthdays and Christmas so as not to spoil your DS.

Buying clothes isn't so bad as long as they don't buy too many and they only buy the size your DS is currently wearing. Just tell them you don't have room to store clothes to wear in the future and if they buy them they need to store them at their home.

Once you've told them then, if they disregard your request, follow through and dispose of items as you see fit (charity shop, eBay etc).

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