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To wonder where do they learn this behaviour

(32 Posts)
Roomonthebroom1 Mon 18-Mar-19 08:50:22

I was at a play group yesterday with my 17 month old DD. Whilst she was standing by a small ball pit, an older girl (about 4-5 yo) jumped into it and completely took it over as the ball bit was only tiny for small toddlers/babies I guess.

I didn’t mind as my DD was not interested in going in, but there were a few balls outside it which I started putting back in gently. She gave me such I dirty look and started shouting: stop it, stop it now!!! With a steely face that honestly scared me. I asked her nicely why are you shouting at me? She just carried on. Her dad who was a bit further away from us saw the incident and came over, took her out and asked to apologise, which she wouldn’t and didn’t.

They looked like a decent family, mum and dad were there, fully involved in their daughters play, didn’t seem to lack attention or discipline. AIBU to wonder where do they learn this behaviour?! Is this common?

I grew up in a country and era where you’d not even dream of talking like that to an adult, whether you are 4, 14 or 24.

Shaft Mon 18-Mar-19 08:53:37


Seeline Mon 18-Mar-19 08:56:25

Good luck when yours hits the terrible-twos. I think you might be in for a shock!

Bambamber Mon 18-Mar-19 08:57:43

Do you not get out the house much? Shock horror a young child acts like a little shit.

Roomonthebroom1 Mon 18-Mar-19 09:02:13

I do in fact go out a lot but usually stay involved with my DD, never noticed this before. Are you saying this is normal/common behaviour for a 4 yo?!

DoneLikeAKipper Mon 18-Mar-19 09:03:35

Ah, nothing like a bit of froth on a Monday morning.

I grew up in a country and era where you’d not even dream of talking like that to an adult, whether you are 4, 14 or 24.

Mhm. See, I usually find there’s two reasons for statements like this. Either the person is idealising their past/memories, or the consequences for even stepping a toe out of line was severe.

Kids sometimes act out, the father seems to have removed her from the situation. This is a non-event.

EleanorRigbey Mon 18-Mar-19 09:03:38

Ha ha....if ever there was a judgement post.

LovingLola Mon 18-Mar-19 09:03:56

You were scared by the look on a 4 year olds face ?? Really ? Or are you just throwing that in for dramatic effect ?

windysowindy Mon 18-Mar-19 09:05:35


Bigonesmallone3 Mon 18-Mar-19 09:05:41

Actually scared you 😂
Some kids are just shit bags, it happens..

Roomonthebroom1 Mon 18-Mar-19 09:13:39

I’m obviously in for a massive shock

QuirkyQuark Mon 18-Mar-19 09:16:33

Aaah just as well you never met mine when he was that age then, he wasn't diagnosed autistic then but he could scare an adult in to going grey 😂 He also has no real problem at using swear words, I'll drop him round if you like, realise that some kids are just not perfect hmm

PhalangeReginaPhalange Mon 18-Mar-19 09:16:52

Lol yup sorry

TapasForTwo Mon 18-Mar-19 09:19:37

Ignore the horrible replies

QuirkyQuark Mon 18-Mar-19 09:30:02

Tapas they're not horrible replies, they are comments in response to quite a judgemental post with a soupçon of superiority complex this however is merely my opinion

Some children are just little shits and generally speaking, if you've never come across a young child behaving like a little shit, you're either,

A) very lucky
B) Not looking
C) thexhild isliving in fear, and yes I've seen that before. Parents who've threatened their child with a burnt arm if they misbehave and show them up.

PhalangeReginaPhalange Mon 18-Mar-19 09:30:35

Sorry I don’t mean to come across as harsh and tbf some of the responses are a bit much, but honestly, the amount of playgroups I’ve been to where there has been a child behaving like this it’s just the norm.

My LO got hurt by a toddler throwing something and that wasn’t on but this stuff happens they are just kids. As long as the parents are there to supervise and control the situation (funny enough this one’s didn’t) then it’s kind of just part and parcel of allowing your DCs to socialise. I did make a point of telling my DS that the behaviour he saw was no way to behave though.

Sirzy Mon 18-Mar-19 09:33:29

So young child was playing in ball pool and some balls came out? Shocking behaviour hmm

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Mon 18-Mar-19 09:35:00

Not all toddlers go through such a horrible phase. My DD is 4.5 and we've been incredibly lucky with her, no strops about dressing, eats fairly nicely, she's very polite and hardly any tantrums.
I'm sure she'll be a fucking nightmare when she's 8 or 12 but just to reassure you not all toddlers have the terrible twos. smile

ApolloandDaphne Mon 18-Mar-19 09:35:19

There could be any number of reasons she acted like this. Here are a few I can think of.

She may be autistic or have some other issues which means she doesn't follow social cues well. These might be low level and undiagnosed.
She could be tired/hungry and just acting up as 4 year olds sometimes too.
She was maybe over stimulated by the play area.
Perhaps the family are going through something difficult that you could know nothing about?

Honestly there are many reasons why she acted in this way but it doesn't have to have anything to do with the was she is being parented. You will find this out when your child is older and you meet lots of other children.

Scoutsrus Mon 18-Mar-19 09:36:41

Kids do this.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain Mon 18-Mar-19 09:41:03

To me the little girl sounds mildly naughty and her dad dealt with it appropriately. I realise when you have a one year old a 4 year old seems massive but they are really not. They are still learning what's acceptable hence the dad getting her to apologise.

HopefullyAnonymous Mon 18-Mar-19 09:42:01

I don’t think you are BU. Boisterous play is par for the course, obviously, but my DCs would never yell at another adult and nor would the DCs of anyone I know. I have seen children behave like this, but I don’t think it’s normal as such.

FoxSquadKitten Mon 18-Mar-19 09:45:37

So young child was playing in ball pool and some balls came out? Shocking behaviour
That wasn't the problem though was it? Op said the child was shouting at her to stop putting them back in.

OP, I don't think this behaviour is learnt but think parents don't nip it in the bud when they could. I'm just surprised the Dad actually did something. Maybe it's the Mum who lets her behave like that.

swindy Mon 18-Mar-19 09:46:45

Scared of a 4 year old? 😂 was of Chucky?

MyBreadIsEggy Mon 18-Mar-19 09:46:52

I think all toddlers/preschoolers go through phases where they can be utterly foul for no apparent reason.
Example: at a play group with my 2 DCs, and a friend who’s DS was the same age as mine - about 10/11 month at the time. Another woman who we both knew was there with her son, who was around 3 at the time. He’d always seemed like a pretty normal, pleasant enough child. Next thing we know, this boy has dragged my friend’s son off a ride-on toy by his neck, picked up the toy and swung it through the air straight into my friend’s son’s head causing a nasty cut that bled for ages afterwards confused His mum was obviously mortified and apologised profusely, and tried to make her son apologise and understand how badly he had hurt a baby, but he wasn’t having any of it. In the end, she burst into tears from sheer embarrassment and dragged her son out of the play group.
The parents of the little girl you describe were most likely just as embarrassed and shocked by their kid’s behaviour. It doesn’t matter how perfect we think our parenting is, kids can be arseholes for no apparent reason sometimes!

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