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AIBU to be suspicious of his motives???

(6 Posts)
StripeyChina Mon 18-Mar-19 08:44:52

I've been married 18 years this summer.
We have 2 kids, 1 dx'd ASD and 1 being assessed.
I have mobility difficulties. I recently tried to return to work full time but got no support and was unable to continue (which H accepts).
I now hope to work p/t from home whilst being a carer for ds/dd.

We have a marital home which needs work and is hard to live in.
It has a big (interest only) mortgage and not much equity. If we sold it there would not be enough for a deposit for a house I could live in.

2 years ago we mutually agreed that I would move 30m away to access better provision for kids. Their school is closing so I need to move -now we have the diagnoses, I could move back to the House.

H has suggested that I do so alone. He has found a small fixer upper at the other end of the high street (small village) which he suggests he buys, does up and puts a tenant in (easy there) and then it can pay itself off to put towards the main house mortgage (interest only and currently no way of paying off in 10 years time). This seems sensible. At present we have no long term housing stability for kids and they will need it longer than your 'average' child I feel. H worried too.

I would prefer to live separately from H too. The marriage is over, but the co-parenting is not so we need to pull together to make the right decisions for the kids. Problem is: he wants me to give him my savings (8K) for the deposit (his sister will lend him the stamp duty/fees). He genuinely can't afford it any other way.
But what if he doesn't put a tenant in but stays there happily, pays off the (much smaller) mortgage, and in 10 years has a small 3 bed for him and kids and I have no way to repay 'big house' mortgage and nowhere to live when I am 60 and disabled?
We are in Scotland, and Scottish Separation agreements can say anything you wish and are legally binding so I could insist that some protection for me is written into one?

My other option would be to try to get a small mortgage myself (still - just - have 3m payslips) and then ask for main house to be sold so I would have a little equity and ask him to pay maintenance to put towards my monthly bills?

Maybe this should be a WWYD? (be gentle, I know AIBU can be blunt)

Piffle11 Mon 18-Mar-19 08:47:44

I don't think you should be asking on here. I think you need proper legal advice. When decisions can have such a huge impact on your future, it's worth paying for proper advice. Good luck.

Etino Mon 18-Mar-19 08:50:27

The relationship and house situation sounds complicated flowers
Regarding work, have you looked into this

Jamiefraserskilt Mon 18-Mar-19 09:02:44

Be tempted to take the 8k and buy or rent a single storey and let him deal with fixing up and living in the marital home as he is working full time. His idea sounds risky to me. Best get some legal advice as an interest only mortgage still leaves the equity to pay.

lizzzyyliveson Mon 18-Mar-19 09:43:09

Whatever you decide, make sure that you do it to benefit future you - an elderly lady who has no-one else to rely on.

Who has given you the valuation for your home? Get an independent estate agent round to value it. Don't believe anything your STXH says about finances and don't give him your savings.

StripeyChina Mon 18-Mar-19 09:55:02

Thanks, everyone.
I know I prob need legal advice, I guess I'm just trying to work out what I want?

I defo need to work out how to benefit 'future me' yes.
H has no real sense of responsibility for family and never has.
I can just see him 'playing houses' at the other end of the road and loving it.
I've done all the raising of two kids with additional needs. when the going gets tough he puts the TV on / walks out - we had separate rooms for 10 years. I don't love him at all.

I think its purely a case of what is in my best financial interests?

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