At what point do I set DS off on his own?

[LellowYedbetter]

DS is now 18. Since leaving school he’s done nothing. He’s not worked, not gone to college (although joined a one day a week course at s training facility under pressure). His bedroom is an absolute shit hole, he does nothing around the house and spends all his time drinking and taking drugs. He was arrested twice last year for assault ... both times under the influence of drugs yet he still does them. I’ve had cahms, social services, drug counselling ... everyone I can think of involved and nothing changes. He misses appointments and just doesn’t engage. The latest thing is that cahms want to discharge him due to missed appointments.

I give him no money other than the bus money to get to college one day a week so god knows where he gets his money for the substances.

He’s constantly asking for me to buy him this and that, loses bus tickets, breaks stuff by being careless ... I’m just so tired. It’s a constant strain.

The elephant in the room is that he’s self harmed and last year was sectioned for a violent suicide attempt which he does not even think of as a serious situation. He’s not bothered. Continues to take drugs and I’m just sat here waiting for the next time the police knock at the door.

I can’t go on like this. AIBU to think we need to be looking at him living independent? Or cruel because he has MH problems (which he does nothing to help by continuing to take drugs?)

I’m not well myself. Mentally, I’m a fucking mess. I don’t leave my house unless it’s to go to work. I’m just so tired. Defeated.

[Makmaison]

Hi Lellow. I absolutely feel your pain. It sounds like you’ve has years of stress trying to support your son. I’m not sure what else is left for you to do. Living independently might just be what he needs to help him make positive changes in his life. Have you talked to him about moving out? How do you think he would respond? You can still support his emotional well-being when he lives away from home.

[BarbarianMum]

Unless staying w you is actively helpful to his mental health then he needs to move out. Self harm and suicide are terrifying pissibilities but you cant mske them less likely by keeping him at home and facilitating him doing nothing and spending all his time on drink and drugs. Quite the opposite in fact.

Doesnt mean you have to sling him out tonight but it's time to make it clear that this is something you expect him to do because things cannot ho on like this.