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To think this isn't my fault/responsibility

(129 Posts)
Dottyy Sun 17-Mar-19 14:08:25

I've been seeing somebody new for a few weeks which is going nicely but obviously still very early days.

We speak on the phone before work some days. I am usually up earlier than he is, and he has asked me to ring him to wake him up on a couple of occasions which has been fine and I have been happy to so. On these occasions I've heard his alarm go off so I know he has set them.

Last night we went out separately, and I went to bed without hearing from him. I woke up to a message from 2am saying "I might need waking up in the morning, I have to be up before 8" He had plans to go and see a friend in another city.

My initial reaction was 'I am not an alarm clock', but I tried ringing him once before 8 anyway. He didn't answer but I assumed he had set alarms like normal and I just got on with my morning.

He has only just woken up and is annoyed that I didn't ring more to make sure he was awake.

I really don't think it's my responsibility to ensure he wakes up after a late night. His day out with friends had absolutely nothing to do with me. Or am I being an unreasonably mean cow?

Intohellbutstayingstrong Sun 17-Mar-19 14:09:44

You're not his mother

cantbebotheredtoday Sun 17-Mar-19 14:10:35

Eh no that's not normal. I'd be telling him as a grown man it's his responsibility and you won't be calling him to wake him up anymore.

Iooselipssinkships Sun 17-Mar-19 14:12:03

YANBU he's a grown adult, he can set multiple alarms on his phone. You are not his responsibility at all and I think this is a huge red flag for what the future with this man would hold.

ScreamingValenta Sun 17-Mar-19 14:12:22

'I am not an alarm clock'

Exactly! YANBU. Why doesn't he just set an alarm, or multiple alarms if he needs them.

He sounds like a man-child.

Starlight456 Sun 17-Mar-19 14:13:03

Omg this is a few weeks . I would run for the hills.

You are not his mum or his alarm clock

Merryoldgoat Sun 17-Mar-19 14:14:08

That’s a ‘no’ from me.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 17-Mar-19 14:14:12

MASSIVE red flag. You can't possibly dump him fast enough.

SummerInSun Sun 17-Mar-19 14:14:52

He is insane. If you were asleep in the same room together and had known before bed that he had to be up at a certain time and then knew he was still asleep at that time, then it would have been kind - but still in no way your responsibility - to wake him up. Under these circumstances, he's being batshit crazy. I'd ask him whether he is seven years old and thinks your are his mother?! Or if you want to be marginally nicer about it, ask if he has some medical condition that he hasn't yet told you about that makes him unable to respond to an alarm?

Eliza9917 Sun 17-Mar-19 14:14:54

Tell him to get fucked. And then dump him.

weltenbummler Sun 17-Mar-19 14:18:53

he is an adult and should know how to set his alarm clock / take responsibility to get himself up on time - whether it is to attend work, for a date with you or for one with his friends; if he manages to wake you up at 2 am with a text he could have used that time to set his alarm clock; I would very much object to be woken up by such a non-emergency. his text in addition assumes that you respond to his demands at any time of day and would wake yourself up early on the weekend to cater to his needs

a good opportunity for you to consider whether he is longterm relationship material: do you want to be made feel responsible for his failings? do you want him to dump his mental load on you?? do you want to be at his beck and call at all hours of day and night????

yanboo Sun 17-Mar-19 14:20:30

Potty mouth grin and couldn’t agree more. He's a nutter.

user1552403235 Sun 17-Mar-19 14:22:05

He's a snowflake! Who needs a man like that. I'm almost in disbelief.

Jiggles101 Sun 17-Mar-19 14:25:08

It's a control thing - he knew you were going out and wanted to keep tabs on your movements by giving you a commitment to ring him.

It's a giant red flag and tbh this is how these douchebags get away with their bullshit, because women think that asserting themselves by saying no, not my responsibility is being 'mean' hmm

pigsDOfly Sun 17-Mar-19 14:28:28

Bloody hell, the 2am messages would have made me hate him, let alone all the business when you didn't manage to wake him at 8.

He clearly thinks his needs are way more important than yours. I was married to someone with that attitude; it didn't end well.

You're not his servant, nor his mother.

Time to move on from this one I think.

Shoxfordian Sun 17-Mar-19 14:29:20

Its not your job to wake him up
Get rid of him, he's a manchild at best, trying to control you at worst

BlueSkiesLies Sun 17-Mar-19 14:31:59

He sounds like a shitty wank stain. Don’t get any more involved.

BrinkPink Sun 17-Mar-19 14:33:20

So what did this helpless diddums do before he met you, hmmmm? Woke himself up with an alarm that's what, like a normal person. There's no way he can't get up unless you phone him.

Agree with others, this is about seeing how far he can go in keeping tabs on you, telling you what to do and making you feel bad if you don't serve his every need.


HuckfromScandal Sun 17-Mar-19 14:35:12


BrinkPink Sun 17-Mar-19 14:35:32

(Or, before dumping him, you could try telling him you need to be woken up at 7am for work or whatever. If he doesn't do it, he's showing you his double standards right there. If he does do it, well he seems to be able to get up then doesn't he.)

labazsisgoingmad Sun 17-Mar-19 14:35:32

tell him to get an alarm clock you arent one

Anniegetyourgun Sun 17-Mar-19 14:36:15

Never mind "I am not an alarm clock", my first thought would be "Why the blinking blue blazes (polite version) are you contacting me at 2am to do you some petty favour?"

Dippypippy1980 Sun 17-Mar-19 14:37:58

This relationship will be a nightmare. After a few weeks you are responsible for waking him up? And if he sleeps through your phone call it’s your fault? He is pathetic. Get rid now.

Drogosnextwife Sun 17-Mar-19 14:40:04

Why would your phone call be more likely to wake him up than the alarms he had set. Tell him to grow up and get himself up in the morning.

marvellousnightforamooncup Sun 17-Mar-19 14:40:35

Dump the loser and think no more about it.

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