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To be angry and distressed at the amount of harassment my fourteen year old daughter faces?

(288 Posts)
Saggingninja Sun 17-Mar-19 11:37:35

A small sample. She's been harassed on a bus by a man in his thirties when she was in her school uniform. Nobody intervened. She was followed slowly down a street by a man in a car, but when she turned to take a photo of his licence plate, he drove off. She was asked for a 'date' by a man who was 'in his fifties'. When she pointed out she was only fourteen he smiled and said 'he didn't mind.' And yesterday on the train with some friends, she noticed this man filming them. When she turned to face him, he stopped and moved away.

My daughter is confident and I've told her not to be afraid of telling anyone harassing her to fuck off or to loudly remind them that she's underage. I put up with so much crap when I was a teenager out of fear of being rude. But I'm so angry and distressed that this happens so often. Nothing has changed has it?

AmIBU123 Wed 20-Mar-19 12:28:16

I don't mean to blame here btw but I had a friend who actually smiled whenever she was verbally harassed and as we got older would think being slapped on the arse was flirting. I believe she was brought up to believe that being harassed meant she was beautiful (which she was) and would take it as a compliment. I became the angry defensive friend because I could not stand it. It's sad how some girls and raised.

Thisnamechanger Wed 20-Mar-19 13:15:45

I had a friend who actually smiled whenever she was verbally harassed and as we got older would think being slapped on the arse was flirting

We did this as teenagers - I did a post about it up-thread - It was sort of a competition between us sad

sagradafamiliar Wed 20-Mar-19 13:45:49

Yep, my mum used to beam with pride if it happened whilst with her. She'd say I was lucky.

Ohyesiam Wed 20-Mar-19 13:49:47

Would your dd do self defence or martial arts? There is a type of jujitsu that is the best for self defence( you’d have to research it, sorry, I can’t remember which one).
She sounds confident, but this would be another strong to her confidence bow.
What situation was she in when the man in his 50 s asked her out? envynot envy

CalmDownPacino Wed 20-Mar-19 14:12:38

Things definitely haven't improved, they've become worse. It was bad enough when o was a teenager in the 90s but now, it's like a gauntlet for the girls walking home from school, in their uniforms. There's a car wash on my daughter's walk home and none of the girls will walk past alone. In casual conversation they call it "the paedo carwash". I've lost my rag and shouted things at the filthy animals who work there, but it makes no difference.

I got punched in the face two years ago for saying "she's 14 you nonce" to a man who made sexual comments to my daughter. This was in the middle of town, walking up the high street, on a Saturday afternoon.

CalmDownPacino Wed 20-Mar-19 14:19:40

Wondered how long it would take for a man to show up and tell us because he'd not experienced it, that we were wrong. Does a siren go off somewhere alerting these chumps?

The idea that it's a minority of men is laughable.

AmIBU123 Wed 20-Mar-19 14:22:50

Thisnamechanger Some girls value their looks based on the attention received by men - even the wrong attention - and to be harassed more than your friends results in being the most attractive. It's very sad but I can imagine it's very common. I hope to raise my girls to see harassment for what it really is. Things really will never change sad

MsTSwift Wed 20-Mar-19 14:44:44

Not sure what a self defence class would add? You need to teach them to be mentally strong - that it’s not about them or anything they have done it’s the problem of these sick little men and their sick toxic foul masculinity culture which we do not want to be part of. We are a million times the people they will ever be.

LilQueenie Wed 20-Mar-19 15:40:17

self defence would help as it would teach how to get out of many types of physical attacks. dp does martial arts and he taught me.

DangermousesSidekick Wed 20-Mar-19 20:47:47

I skipped a few pages, then saw this.

pb083 *Men commonly shout abuse from moving cars and buses

Do they? Really? I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it's not exactly 'common' is it?*

Christ on a bike, RTFT. Yes it does, to women, all the fucking time. That's what we are telling you, and we are telling you that men do not intervene. This is our reality, not yours, our experience. This is what happens. Who the hell do these men think they are to tell us that what we experience happening, is not happening? They make me despair. Women should just set up our own country.

rosenylund Wed 20-Mar-19 23:54:55

DangermousesSidekick yes yes and yes. I also feel weird about the poster who said their dh as a cyclist has some experiences of this . No he doesn't . The insults he receives aren't down to his genitals, they're down to him being a cyclist. Once he gets off the bike it's over,. and I bet he's not being asked for blowjobs , asked about his tits or spat at when he rebuffs demands.

Shamoogren Thu 21-Mar-19 06:50:27

i cut my hair and wore minimiser bras from the age of 15. For me, it wasn't particularly older men who were leering , that I noticed - it was the constant objectifying commentary from boys my own age.

DangermousesSidekick Thu 21-Mar-19 20:14:22

For me the worst offenders were what they used to call 'youths' - older teens, early twenties.

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