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(13 Posts)
Strawberry2017 Sun 17-Mar-19 11:02:38

Husband and I have a joint account but have our own separate spending money accounts.
Wages are paid to same account but each month we have a small amount of money that we can spend as we please in our separate account. It also means that when it's time to buy birthday/Christmas presents we can do so easily.
This last month it's been a tough one financially, just moved house lots of unexpected bills/ expenses.
When I realised how low the joint account was running in funds I told him I would transfer the last of my money over to cover us until pay day.
I thought he was skint, he's had a lot of personal expenses this month.
Turns out he wasn't he just let me believe he was.
I found out by chance that he had money in his account.
I think it's selfish of him to let me transfer all my remaining money over and for him to not share the burden. He thinks I'm over reacting.
He said he didn't put it in because I would just spend it. I pointed out I only spend OUR money on the family buying food etc. I have frequently offered to let him take over the food shopping but he declines every time.
He claims he would have put it in if we needed it but I still think it's selfish to let me be skint.
The amounts are actually only minimal amounts but to me it's the principle of his actions.
Would this piss you off or am I over reacting?

gettingbacktoresearch Sun 17-Mar-19 11:41:31

Did you ask him how much money he has left before saying you’d transfer yours in? I personally would have said we need to put xx into the account, can you transfer half and then wait for him to say why he can’t instead of assuming....

But YANBU to think he’d want you not to be skint whilst he has money....

Merryoldgoat Sun 17-Mar-19 11:55:42

YANBU but we have a similar arrangement and I’d say ‘joint account needs topping up - can you put in £x and I’ll put in the same.’

Strawberry2017 Sun 17-Mar-19 12:07:34

Your right I didn't ask him, tbh I didn't think I would need to ask.
He had implied he was skint so I just took the responsibility. I feel like I've learnt a lesson today. Maybe more then one. X

Jupiters Sun 17-Mar-19 12:30:13

YANBU here, he very much is BU. If it was me I'd feel he was treating me with a lack of respect there and that his spending money was more important to him that feeding the family. He's happy for you to go without but not pay his fair share.

PettyContractor Sun 17-Mar-19 12:34:32

I assume you are only loaning the money to the shared account, and you will get it back? (He's probably unreasonable, but the answer to this makes a big difference as to how unreasonable.)

PettyContractor Sun 17-Mar-19 12:35:46

If the transfer to the shared account it not a loan then he should immediately refund you half of it from his personal money.

Strawberry2017 Sun 17-Mar-19 12:53:06

I hadn't really thought about it at the time, I will now make sure I am reimbursed when we are paid again.

SoyDora Sun 17-Mar-19 12:59:42


Mememeplease Sun 17-Mar-19 13:03:21

Loan so you get it all back or he gives you half now.

This can be resolved fairly and lessons can be learned by both of you!

LemonSqueezy0 Sun 17-Mar-19 15:59:41

For me this would be about more than just the money. Its the fact that he hadn't offered to share the burden. Yes, perhaps you should've asked but you kinda think you wouldn't have to....

BlackPrism Sun 17-Mar-19 18:00:54

I'd be more annoyed that he said you spend all the money as though you're a frittered... is he unhappy with your spending, does he even know what you spend it on?

Strawberry2017 Sun 17-Mar-19 18:34:44

He doesn't, I've offered to let him take over the food shopping so he can see how much actually goes in to it. He doesn't get that doing one monthly shop doesn't work because you still need to get fresh things when you need them. That we run out of things.
He just sees it as me spending money! hmm

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