To ask what would you do in this DV situation please(10 Posts)
Been at friend’s place this evening. I’ve known her since in my teens and we’re middle aged now.
We’ve all had a bit too much, but as a result she has opened up and says that her partner throws stuff at her and uses abusive language, and she’s scared of him.
Her partner is staying elsewhere tonight.
Instead of going home I’m on her sofa because I want to chat to her in the morning. Can’t find a blanket anywhere (she’s sparked out on her bed but safely in the recovery position) so I’ve just got my coat to sleep under yay.
While I shiver myself to sleep can anyone help with advice?
He’s on the joint tenancy agreement on their flat. Apparently it has two years left with no break clause. Is there any way to get out of that?
Does she want to leave? You can give her the number of women's aid fir support.
Regarding the tenancy...the CAB can advise. 2 years with a no break clause isn't something I've heard of.
My advice... forget about the tenancy agreement, in two years time he would have dissolved her self esteem and she will not be able to leave him.
In fact, I think she will probably won’t listen to anything you say. Someway abuse makes the victim think it is their fault.
There should be some organisations near you to help her out off this situation. Google your city name and “freedom programme”, she doesn’t need to do the program but that would point you in the direction of possible support.
Women’s Aid is great but sometimes is difficult to get your call through, so it is a good idea to try local organisations too. They often have legal advice available and can provide her with a safe environment to meet with other women going through the same and get the support she needs.
What does SHE want to do?
Of course you want her to leave an live an amazing life, but she may not.
It's very unusual the tenancy agreement has no get out clause, so it's worth her rereading it.
Women's Aid for advice and support.
Is she financially independent?
Who signs up for a two year lease these days? Is it a Council flat? Is she sure, as that's unusual (I worked in lettings). Find the contract copy & see what it says re notice periods & check if she's listed as tenant too. Personally if violence is an issue, I'd say fuck it, get out:& worry about rent etc later. If she tells them she's moved out at a later stage (& why) they'll hardly prosecute her & probably evict him if he can't pay: or let him move a friend in if he's a good tenant. She needs to collect ID, passport, some basic clothes etc now in case he gets wind (hide them or leave with you) , then arrange to pack/get out when he's not around. Can she stay with you or family til she's sorted? If not phone the nearest women's refuge. And don't tell him where/when she's going or, meet up afterwards with him alone to collect stuff or 'talk' (that's when violence ramps up & life is most in danger). My colleagues daughter was persuaded to return to pick up a sentimental value necklace. She got beaten black & blue.
Unfortunately there’s not much you can do unless she wants to leave, has she said she does?
If so there’s not much you can do now, get some sleep and be with her tomorrow to call women’s aid for support about how to proceed.
Well this morning we had a big long chat. She’s now saying what he did wasn’t ‘that bad’ really and he’s really messed up emotionally and needs to be cut some slack.
She’s financially independent - earns more than him - and could just about afford the rent of their flat on her own.
She doesn’t think she needs to make contact with a support organisation.
Just let your friend know your there for her op and stay intouch xx
All you can do right now is be there whenever she wants to talk and make sure she knows you’re there for her and if there’s a time you’ve not heard from her in a while check up on her.
Hopefully she will choose to leave him (and stay away- it can be hard to even when the abuse is particularly awful) at some point. When she does Women’s Aid are a great help including helping to find legal advice if and when it’s needed and signposting for all sorts of other services.
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