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to think I've being abused this whole time?

(32 Posts)
misseymiyake Sat 16-Mar-19 23:27:51

My very recent ex....

Would shout and swear (in front of me whilst pregnant and his young daughter) when something small would go wrong, punching walls or hit steering wheel when someone cut him up. Referring to female drivers as bitches or a stupid slut when they forget to indicate or brake too fast etc. Called me stupid and said I ‘dont use my brain’ when I did something really quite trivial wrong. Refused to help at night with our baby son and when asked said ‘isn’t that what your maternity leave is for?’. Made me support myself entirely on my own financially whilst on SMP and he was on a very decent full wage. Always snapped at me. Told my my legs were getting bigger when I was pregnant. Told me my boobs were lopsided when I was breastfeeding. Pointed out my stretch marks in disgust. Implied I was lazy at 4 months pp. Told me how vile his exes body was after she had a baby whilst I was pregnant. Was sarcastic and rude to me. Criticised me for eating chocolate or unhealthy food in a nasty way implying I would put on weight even though I have a healthy BMI and worked really hard to get back in to my size 12 jeans. Made me feel scared. Used me for childcare for his daughter and made me feel guilty when I couldn't do it.

These are just a handful of things. There are many, many more.

I’m not wrong am I? This is abuse? Or am I being overly dramatic? I don’t even know anymore.

misseymiyake Sun 17-Mar-19 10:22:35

The thing is though, I have changed. And thank god!

gamerwidow Sun 17-Mar-19 10:29:20

He admitted he needed to go to anger management
His just saying that because he thinks you want to hear it. He won’t go and even if he does it won’t do any good because he thinks it’s all your fault. Don’t let him gaslight you!
Do not let him give you responsibility for how he has treated you. Don’t start thinking there was fault on both sides and you shouldn’t have provoked him. That’s what he wants you to think.

FrogFairy Sun 17-Mar-19 10:31:29

What a nasty prick.

The greatest gift you could ever have given yourself and your wee boy is getting you both away from him.

AntiHop Sun 17-Mar-19 10:36:04

Definitely emotional and financial abuse. Well done for getting out. He is nasty, abusive piece of work.

Is your step child's mother in her life or does he have full custody?

SandyY2K Sun 17-Mar-19 10:41:44

It's abusive behaviour without a doubt, but you don't have to put a label on certain behaviour to know it's unacceptable.

All the things he did were home showing you who he was.

Shouting and swearing at you along with the insults was more than enough reason to have walked away.

You might benefit from therapy to understand why you accepted being treated that way.

misseymiyake Sun 17-Mar-19 11:38:41

@AntiHop she has an amazing mum. He completely poisoned me against her and made me believe his ex was a horrible woman. Now I see she was just protecting her child. I have actually met up with her and she said he did the same to her. She's really sweet and reminds me of me. She still suffers with him being abusive to her. All via text message and I had no idea. I feel like I've been such a fool.

AntiHop Sun 17-Mar-19 19:45:58

OK good to hear the mother is around to shield the child from his behaviour.

Things will get much better from now on for you op. flowers

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