Dropped in the crap by "friend"?(80 Posts)
I have no idea if I AMU and need to ask for some advice! Sorry if its long!
My DP and I get married in a month. We have booked a lovely venue where there are rooms to stay overnight are an additional cost. When we booked DP and I asked who wanted a room, with the priority going to bridal party and then offered out to evening guests. DP and I decided to reduce each room by £40 and us pay that ourselves from each room to the venue in order to make it affordable to those who decided they would like to stay. It ended up with the rooms costing less than a normal b&b up the road so that we could have people staying together.
This was all sent out via messages 18 months ago. One of my bridesmaids messages me asking for a room. No problem. I send a message with when deposit is due and when balance is due. 6 weeks before I send a group reminder to everyone. Then 2 weeks before. On the deposit day she messaged she hadnt got the deposit till payday... can i pay if for her and she will give it me back in 2 weeks? So i do... as she a good friend and bridesmaid. 2 weeks pass and nothing. Balance due date comes and goes. So I send a nice message explaining it is due and we have had to cover cost and if there are any issues to please talk to me. Radio silence. I have paid for dresses, hair, makeup, a room for night before for us all... all i asked of the bm’s was that they get a pair of silver shoes. She turns up to fitting after i had done her a massive round trip to save her the fuel to the fittings so with awful clumpy black shoes. But i said nothing. That eve was my DP birthday party and they never turned up. Her DP is a groomsman. He turned up to the suit fitting 30 mins early. Had already been fitted when the rest of the men arrived at the allotted time. He then walks straight past everyone and barges out the door muttering about “having stuff to do”. However that afternoon after the fitting was the stag do while everyone was in one place. Best Man was wondering where the heck this guy had got too and was he coming as he had organised group numbers etc. So i text the BM and asked why he had left and was he not coming to the stag as he wasn’t replying to the best mans messages. I got a really really rude reply back. At 3am I then had messages from her husband who had left the fitting demanding i have DP “ready to go on sat x as were going out for a boy night”. I text back saying I’m really sorry but thats not possible as its the weekend before the wedding and my family are flying 5000 miles and we are having dinner with them. He tried to make me cancel our dinner and “well make it happen!” So i sent back the MN reply “did you mean to be so rude?”. I sent a message to BM saying its a month till the wedding and all this is stressing me out. If we have somehow done something i cant fix it unless she talks to me. And she has really left us in the creek with the room as i have turned people away who have booked now elsewhere and im left with the cost of their room as i can no longer fill it and thats why i asked for deposits and i don’t feel its unreasonable she sends what she owed - the deposit. She totally ignored my message. Dp had a phone call tuesday night saying they are not coming at all now. No reason other than "she doesn't want too". He wants too and had no issues and did apologise for the way he was in the texts.. but she has "forbid it". So now we are a suit and a dress down. I even let her pick her own dress so she wouldnt feel uncomfortable!!
Dp thinks she should pay for her dress as she has pulled out but i cant see that going down well if i sent her a message for £150 dress plus the room she owes for!!
I more than understand what its like to have money problems... but she has known for 18 months and she asked for a room it wasnt forced! Also she has had so much time to talk to me if it was an issue to sort something out. My best friend has said she thinks it may be a case that because i have paid for everything else for this woman maybe she thinks if she put on this i may have offered to pay for her room? I just dont know anymore.
Aibu to think about messaging her for what she owes after dropping us in it? And that do i say?!? My best friend has tried the dress on today and it doesn’t suit her at all. And its too late to order another to arrive in time. Im a dress down, a bridesmaid down, and almost £300 because of this woman 😡. I have bent over backwards to make sure everyone is happy.. wore dresses they were comfy in... round trips to dress fitting to save fuel... and now this off her??
@shaggyrug has it right. Money well spent to get this hideous pair out of your life. They are awful. You need never talk to them again, guilt free. Massive win!
Yeah, I’m afraid you need to write off the money. I know it’s a big chick but I don’t think you’ll get a penny back and perusing it is only going to drag it on. Just be thankful you can make a fresh start with married life without her.
YADNBU. What a horror- the pair of them! Cant see that you’ve done anything wrong here and if anything you’ve been too nice. She’s a CF to ask for a room, refuse to pay and then ignore you. Pathetic behaviour. Mind leaving the hen do for a better party was a dead give away. Cut your losses, move on, you’re better off without her. Sell the dress on EBay and offer room out to anyone else that might be getting a taxi home etc.
Have a great wedding! (You don’t miss those clumpy black shoes anyway!)
I agree that your "friends" have been very unfair and horrible and should owe you money for her dress and the room.
However I don't think its fair to say that its her fault you are now having to rush around and spend money on a dress for your best mate to be bridesmaid now. The obvious solution is to just have one less bridesmaid, not try and replace her at the last minute. If the dress doesn't fit your best friend, she can't be bridesmaid. She wasn't going to before so don't see why she's so bothered now.
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