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To go on this holiday despite saying repeatedly we cannot afford it?

(58 Posts)
hidinginthenightgarden Sat 16-Mar-19 18:55:36

My siblings have been saying for years that we should return to our fav childhood holiday destination in about 4 years from now. My older sibling in particular has been very vocal about it and when I said we wouldn't be able to afford it without great sacrifice for the next 5 years, said I was being selfish.
Last time this was discussed, my yearly salary was the same as it would cost for me, DH and my kids to go on this 2 week holiday (10k).
At the time I was working part time, we were getting in loads of debt and our parents were financially bailing us out regularly. We argued about it and I made it clear I wouldn't be able to afford it.
For what it is worth, neither sibling has children so it is more affordable (at least for my elder but I think she expects my Dad to pay a good chunk of the holiday- not that she has asked him about it) for them.
Just before xmas I managed to get full time work and we are now clearing the debt and doing much better. I had an accident in the new year and the insurance company have offered us a good chunk of money. DH has suggested we use it as a stepping stone towards taking the kids to Disney. It would cover about 1/3 of the costs so we would need to save up a fair bit more over the next few years, but without this money, we probably wouldn't be able to do it for alot longer, if at all.
Disney is the same value holiday and very similar to the family holiday my siblings want us to go on. I mentioned to DH that it was going to cause an arguement and he said if he is spending that amount of money, he isn't spending 2 weeks with my controlling and demanding sibling. I agree with him, but the arguement is still likely to happen!!
Are we being unreasonable using this money on just us and our kids? I want to do what is best for my kids but am made to feel like I have "chosen them" and neglected my wider family quite often.

Holidayshopping Sat 16-Mar-19 18:57:32

Just say to your sibling that your DH wants to go to Disney and not x.

BlackeyedGruesome Sat 16-Mar-19 18:59:06

It is your responsibility to choose your children and spouse over wider family.

Walkerbean16 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:59:19

Just do what you want. Bugger your sister.

7yo7yo Sat 16-Mar-19 18:59:37

Who the fuck wouldn’t choose their kids?
And it’s not just your decision it’s also
Your DH decision.
Book Disney and if anything is said tell her your kids come first not a grown ass adult.

Gth1234 Sat 16-Mar-19 19:00:21

Personally, I wouldn't want to get into debt (or sue a lot of savings) for a holiday. You don't need to spend a fortune to have a great holiday.

Xyzzzzz Sat 16-Mar-19 19:01:29

If you don’t put your kids first....who will?

Imstickingwiththisone Sat 16-Mar-19 19:03:08

Your siblings can still go on holiday there and they can still spend time with you. There's no choice. Go to Disneyland a normal person would 100% understand so any argument that follows is on them.

hidinginthenightgarden Sat 16-Mar-19 19:05:05

Thanks all. I thought that was the right logic but I do doubt myself when we argue as she seems so sure she is right!
I always put my kids first and she doesn't like it at all - she said she misses us spending time just the 4 of us. hmm

ReggieWoo Sat 16-Mar-19 19:05:49

Just say no.

LordVoldetort Sat 16-Mar-19 19:09:10

I would go on the holiday your family (husband/kids) want to go on.
My DP would hate to spend 2 weeks with my sibling so I wouldn’t ask him to do it (unless it benefited our DD).
Holidays are expensive so I think you all need to enjoy the holiday

hidinginthenightgarden Sat 16-Mar-19 19:11:42

Lord Voldemort- considering he recently asked if we could invite his mum in our (cheap uk) holiday and I said no- I think DH should have a day too. And this holiday we are discussing cost about 15 times our upcoming break so all the more reason!

Flowersintheatticconversion Sat 16-Mar-19 19:29:45

Stop telling your siblings/family your financial business.
They seem way too involved in thinking they get a say on what you spend your money on.
No I’m not going and it’s not up for discussion should suffice

S1naidSucks Sat 16-Mar-19 19:33:22

They’re probably looking at your childhood holiday destination through rose tinted glasses and it’ll end up being shite, if you go back there.

Go with your DH and children and have a great time at DL.

shiningstar2 Sat 16-Mar-19 19:34:28

When you work hard holidays are so important...and your children don't stay young that long. Could you do your own thing for your family holiday and organise a weekend or a few days away with your siblings somewhere cheap? Surely the sibling time should just be having a good time together ...not the place?

I have recently lost a sibling and I would give anything to have more fun time with that sibling. Iife gets in the way. Jobs with different times off of different ages with different needs ...different finances at different time. Not easy. Try to fit something in ...but not at the expense of a main holiday with your own little family. Best wishes.

hidinginthenightgarden Sat 16-Mar-19 19:42:29

Shiningstar2 - if they suggested a weekend in a cottage I would be more open - however, this was suggested (and my mum said maybe Butlins because the kids will love it) and sibling said "there are more adults than children so we will be doing what adults like doing". All very well and good but my kids are pretty young and will make it bloody miserable if they are bored!!

converseandjeans Sat 16-Mar-19 19:44:55

i wouldn't go on either holiday - I would find something cheaper nearer to home and save some of the cash. But then I don't fancy going to Disney at all & think it would be really tiring & not necessarily the 'dream' people have when they book it. I imagine the kids getting worn out from the heat, the crowds and all the walking.
I don't think your sibling should be dictating how you spend your money - why are they so obsessed with the idea? Who plans something like that 5 years ahead?!
For £10k you could have lots of little holidays or invest in a camper/caravan?

rookiemere Sat 16-Mar-19 19:55:05

Well clearly you just don't go on the ridiculously expensive family holiday and if you're still clearing off debts then there are cheaper holidays than Disney. We've been to Orlando btw so I'm not just being snobby for the sake of it, we had a great time but DS's favourite holiday was somewhere else.

If your parents want you all together then I'd go for a shared cottage in the UK or suggest Center Parcs as a more adult oriented destination than Butlins but that everyone should enjoy ( and you can stay in separate lodges)

livinglavidavillanelle Sat 16-Mar-19 20:10:55

At the end of the day, you had a magical holiday place as children that you cherish the memories of.

It is not unreasonable to want to give your children their own magical holiday memories, of a place that you know they will love.

YANBU to put your children first. Yes it may cause an argument, but your DS will be arguing on her own.

edwinbear Sat 16-Mar-19 20:12:02

Why don’t you just say that you don’t much miss that particular place and have no great desire to go back there? Why make it a financial reason?

jay55 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:12:42

Your siblings sound like hard work. So the holiday with them sounds like it wouldn't be much fun at all.

shiningstar2 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:19:48

hidinginthenightgarden ...You are quite right ...if you take young children and they are not accommodated no-one will enjoy the break. The child free sibling needs to accept that it is necessary to accommodate the children. If you do ..the siblings will have an enjoyable time together ...which is the whole point of the small break. If kids are not accommodated there will be a disastrous time all round rather than making extended family memories. The only other solution would be a very short break night in nice hotel ...with pool ...dinner walks ...nice breakfast then home with only siblings and your mum.

Of course this still depends on whether you can afford after main family holiday and also whether your partner is prepared to accommodate this by being the babysitter. Not easy grin

HomeMadeMadness Sat 16-Mar-19 20:42:29

Of course YANBU. Your sibling does sound controlling an I wouldn't want to spend that amount of money on a holiday which wasn't exactly what I want and which is likely to be dominated by a bossy older sibling.

blue25 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:46:28

Personally I'd clear the debts and keep a savings buffer, rather than blow it on a Disney holiday. Disney really isn't all that & financial security for your family should be the priority surely.

OhTheRoses Sat 16-Mar-19 20:48:49

Buy a tent!

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