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Have I been violated!?

(80 Posts)
WasThisWrongOrOk Sat 16-Mar-19 18:13:39

So! Help me out here! I'm feeling weird!!
I had a back massage today! Was really looking forward to it but I'm a prude and really new to massages, so also a bit apprehensive. I had a back massage a few years ago and kept my jeans on and the therapist spent most of the time massaging knots in my shoulders, as well as massaging the rest of my back. I thought today would be the same, but I was asked to strip except undies and then the therapist pulled my underwear down and spent a lot of the time massaging my bum!!

Is this nornal? It felt weird and I spent most of the massage session paralysed with confusion and dear and wondering if I was being violated or if I'm just really naive and that this is what happens in back massages!!

Please can you let me know if this is normal or not!! I don't know what to think and because of past incidents I know I am a bit more sensitive to nudity and being touched etc.. than others, so maybe this is normal? And reaction is not.

Help!!!

(PS. I'm in my 30s so old enough to know if I was violated or not - but I just don't know! And feel really freaked out!!)

WasThisWrongOrOk Sat 16-Mar-19 18:14:23

*fear not dear!!

Foxmuffin Sat 16-Mar-19 18:16:47

This is normal!

Frickssake Sat 16-Mar-19 18:17:07

Was it the same therapist or a different one. Was it a male or female? Was it the same ( practice?). Couldn't you have asked them to stop?

Unbelievable18 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:17:22

It does seem a little odd, depending on how far he/she went down? Did they pull your knickers off completely? If so, that is strange. Sometimes mine goes a bit lower down my waist where my knicker line is but only folds them down slightly.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble Sat 16-Mar-19 18:17:25

Taking everything apart from pants off is normal. How high are your pants? I’ve had mine lowered slightly so they could do my lower back properly and didn’t get the oils on my pants

happydays00 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:17:29

I've had a lot of massages and would say this is normal. Perhaps if you have another just ask them to focus on your shoulders/middle of your back as you're not comfortable at all with your lower back being touched.

Bibijayne Sat 16-Mar-19 18:17:56

Sounds normal for a full body massage. But odd the therapists didn't check to see you were comfortable first. I have fairly regular massages (have wonky shoulders, plus I just like them smile ) and I've always been asked about this.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble Sat 16-Mar-19 18:18:11

If took them off completely then yes that’s not normal!!

Justonemorepancake Sat 16-Mar-19 18:18:49

Normal to expose an inch or two of bum crack. Any more is a violation.

DollyRose Sat 16-Mar-19 18:18:53

Yes generally they massage your bum too. Mostly on a full body massage though. You should definitely say next time if you feel uncomfortable with that. They'll be fine with not massaging the buttocks😁

Chocolate35 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:19:12

I’m really sorry but your gut feeling is right. I have had a lot of back massages by males and females and the closest they’ve come to my underwear is asking me to tuck tissue into it to avoid oils running down. You need to complain, harshly. He should never have touched your bum! You poor thing, we don’t know what’s normal in these situations but that isn’t.

Etino Sat 16-Mar-19 18:20:05

God I’d love a bum massage. I have physio for sciatica, it’s literally just barking at me and making me lift heavy stuff with my foot 😔, when all I’d like is some nice deep kneeding.

Chocolate35 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:20:44

Wow! I’m so surprised at the replies. Maybe it was normal?! I’ve never had my bum touched in a massage.

Justmuddlingalong Sat 16-Mar-19 18:21:22

When you say the therapist pulled your knickers down, do you mean
A down a bit or
B down completely. Because A is normal but B isn't. In future just tell them beforehand what you're comfortable with.

tinkerbellbabygirlpoop Sat 16-Mar-19 18:21:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

osvic Sat 16-Mar-19 18:22:05

Normal to pull top of trousers or underwear sown a little. What people think is their bun is actually lower back and I get a lot of tension in my lower back so it's always appreciated.

Justonemorepancake Sat 16-Mar-19 18:22:56

My glutes get sore! It's a really important muscle group! But only the top half, the bottom half is a no go unless they ask. I did feel violated in Thailand when a masseuse (female) massaged my boobs. (In a super posh hotel spa) So awkward.

SummerHouse Sat 16-Mar-19 18:24:42

No. Surely this is not normal. If it is I will never go for a back massage.
It's a BACK massage for heaven's sake. Not back and crack. confused

Tunnocks34 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:25:03

Depends if it is a back massage or a full body massage. I have had a full body massage where they did back, bum, thigh and calf.

Back massages tend to focus on back only.

ReggieWoo Sat 16-Mar-19 18:25:10

Normal unless they pulled your pants right down.

Mine moves them down a few inches. I like the bum massage.

AnxiousAspie Sat 16-Mar-19 18:25:38

Sounds normal to me and I've had issues with my back for over 10 years so physio, chiropractor, acupuncture and lots of massages in general. Knickers usually moved down by a few (well several, I have a big arse) so that all of my spine can be mobilised. I like a good arse massage.

Saying that you can always tell them to stop if you aren't comfortable.

ADayAlwaysHasToEnd Sat 16-Mar-19 18:25:40

I always have my underwear folded down and rub of the top of my bum in a back massage. I've been to several places and they have all done this so I thought it was normal

2birds1stone Sat 16-Mar-19 18:27:08

Depends on the type of massage.

Neck shoulders and back they don't normally as they focus on the upper area.

Full back or a physio massage they would normally pull my pants down a little and massage slightly into the top fleshy bit of the bum .

I never feel uncomfortable or feel it's being done In a gropey way, the male as also been in my house with hubby in the room while he did it...

Was it like in friends when phoeobe kisses the guys bum during a massage?

isabellerossignol Sat 16-Mar-19 18:28:13

It depends how far they pulled them down.

About half way down and massaging the very lowest part of your back, where it meets your bum is very normal.

Massaging further down, where your bum meets your legs would be strange.

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