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To hold onto things that piss me off...

(7 Posts)
Birdsgottafly Sat 16-Mar-19 13:10:16

You read about being assertive.

When MIL rewrites history, there's no confrontation, just honesty.

You tell FIL, no shouting, no confrontation that his behaviour was out of order. You took the brunt for someone else's fuck up and you don't appreciate it, nor will you accept it, ever again.

What I find with non assertive people they end up having more confrontations, because things aren't dealt with at the time, in the way that they should have been.

followthatducky Sat 16-Mar-19 13:01:59

See that's where I think I'm going wrong. I'm awful at confrontation and was so stunned at his reaction, I just stood there in silence. I also felt quite intimidated by FIL and had the horrible feeling in my tummy like when you're a kid and the teacher tells you off!!!

Then afterwards when I've had time to process it, I wanted to have a go.
But it makes me look a bit unhinged if I go up to FIL when I next see him and say "fuck you, wanker".

heartshapedknob Sat 16-Mar-19 12:59:03

It’s a hard and constant life lesson.

Either respond appropriately when something irritates you or let it wash over you. Holding onto it changes nothing other than taking up brain space. It’s just better to use that energy for yourself.

Princessmushroom Sat 16-Mar-19 12:58:52

As a practical answer: CBT.

I’m a little sensitive soul and because of my business I get to face a lot of criticism and troll attack. I’ve learned, through CBT, how to change my thinking and not dwell on nonsense.

It’s not perfect but it’s helped me a ton

Wolfiefan Sat 16-Mar-19 12:55:36

If something is going to rile me I challenge it at the time. Explain i am upset or won’t tolerate whatever it is.
So then I can let it go.
What did you do when they were making everything so stressful? Speak up or keep quiet to preserve the peace?

Birdsgottafly Sat 16-Mar-19 12:52:24

I don't think you should have let that go. For your own sanity, challenge the pair of them.

It's after dealing with it, you can let it go.

followthatducky Sat 16-Mar-19 12:48:48

I obviously am because life is too short but seriously why do I find it so hard to forget things when people or situations have upset me?

I annoy myself because of it! If you let things go easily how do you do it? I really want to because I don't enjoy getting annoyed or bitter about these things.

Recent example: My MIL was talking about how lovely our wedding was and it was such a special day etc.
Inside I was thinking what the fuck are you talking about, the run up to it was so stressful because you and FIL made our lives fucking miserable. FIL got pissed the day before and aggressively shouted at us both because a random uninvited very distant relative invited themselves along and turned up in the area a day before... our venue had a strict limit on how many were in the room for the ceremony. We were full and didn't have the space for the distant dickhead that DH didn't want to attend the wedding.
I enjoyed my wedding but was relieved when it was over to be honest and we could enjoy our honeymoon!!

It's like my brain instantly goes back there and I'm annoyed all over again.

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