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Helping DD cope with being left out

(7 Posts)
TwinklyLightsForXmas Sat 16-Mar-19 08:19:35

Posting here for traffic.

Dd is 5 going on 6 and seems happy and settled at school. She's been there since September and was in the nursery attached to the school before that. She had a BFF at her private nursery that she's know since she was 1 but since joining the school nursery, she hasn't developed any really strong/deep relationships. We weren't worried about this as she seemed happy to move between groups and play with people based on the activity rather than the person, and I know the downsides associated with having only one best friend.

We're now in year 1 and she's in a class with only 9 girls where they seem to have become quite cliquey. One on one she gets on with them all but has started saying that child A and B tell her she can't play with them (I.e the group of girls from the class) today but come back tomorrow and maybe she can. When she comes back the next day, they say the same thing. And it goes on.

I know that this sort of stuff happens at school but it's heartbreaking when it happens to your own child 😢. Any tips on how to help her with this? I don't want to make a big deal so that she's really conscious of it but also want to say more than just 'why don't you play with someone else'. I remember going through something similar at school and it felt like the 'find someone else' route wasn't hugely helpful.

Thanks in advance of some pearls of wisdom xx

AJPTaylor Sat 16-Mar-19 08:21:54

At this age, I would raise it with the school. Children need frequent reminders that this is not correct behaviour and is unkind.

Arowana Sat 16-Mar-19 08:23:39

As you say, this sort of thing is really common but heart breaking to watch.

Have you tried inviting her school friends over for play dates, to help cement friendships? Maybe not A or B but one of the quieter girls.

Also, I recommend after school activities (eg beavers) for building up friendships outside school. This can be reassuring for them when things aren't going well in school.

theliverpoolone Sat 16-Mar-19 09:19:53

I agree with speaking to the teacher. He/she probably isn't aware, but they need to nip this in the bud straight away. At 5 years old, this really isn't something your dd should 'have to deal with'.

SandyY2K Sat 16-Mar-19 09:40:31

I'd raise it with the school. With a class of just 9, their behavior leaves her isolated and is a form of bullying.

I wouldn't hesitate to raise it if it was my DD.

The way she us left feeling will have a negative impact on her learning. Make sure you say that to them, because we send our DC to school to learn and anything that affects within the school needs to be addressed.

I don't know what it is, but I find that behaviour is something that mainly girls do from experience of my DC and friends DC.

BlueMerchant Sat 16-Mar-19 09:53:37

It's really hard for girls at this age. I'm forever listening to my daughter telling me 'A' won't let her join in or that 'B' is nasty to 'C' etc etc. Sometimes my daughter is firm friends with one girl who she calls her best friend and the next week she hates her and plays with 'A' instead!.Don't get me started on play dates if you invite say 3 girls...always one being left out and sobbing after an hour!
I think all you can do is be there to listen, invite someone over for tea and to play ( one girl at a time in my experience) and encourage out of school friendships through clubs and with local children who maybe live in same street but go to a different school whose parents you maybe know to say hello to.

TwinklyLightsForXmas Sat 16-Mar-19 10:53:32

Thanks for the replies - it's good to know I'm not overreacting to the situation. It's a class of 25 and it's light on girls (only 9 in her room) but they seem to split into boys and girls at playtime/lunchtime. We've emailed the teacher today and asked to speak to her next week about it. Hopefully that will help nip it in the bud. It so hard when things like this happen to your baby 😥

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