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To be totally sick of bitchy colleagues behaviour?

(58 Posts)
Jerri907 Fri 15-Mar-19 23:08:51

I work in an office. I love my job apart from the behaviour of one colleague, who makes me feel uneasy and who just totally dominates the office with her bitchy, cliquey behaviour and dominant attitude. Her behaviour is making me dislike the job and the environment even though everyone else is nice enough. Her behaviour reminds me of that of the popular, bitchy girl in high school that divides and conquers, and plays everyone off against each other.

Firstly, she is very very loud and shrieky. I have no problem with loud people, I'm not exactly a wallflower myself and I love loud, fun people, but her loudness means that her voice is 99% of the time dominating the office.

She is very fickle and cliquey with who is 'in' with her at a time, and basically works her way around the office excluding different people at different times. Because she is so loud and talks so much, everyone seems politely grateful when they are in the good books, and seems to do everything they can to please her and to keep in with her. She then ditches them like a hot potato. We have regular new people in our office, and quite a high turnover of new staff (there are quite a few longstanding staff members though), and she almost instantly decides whether they are in her clique or not. Those that she doesn't include will often swiftly leave.

She does things that seem to deliberately exclude people, at different times. For example she recently decided to start a 'Lunch Club' which meant all staff members going to lunch together each Friday. I was not invited to this lunch club, and neither were two other colleagues. Everyone else was. I wasn't overly bothered that I wasn't invited but she talked relentlessly, and loudly about Friday's planned lunch all week and made it clear that some of us weren't invited.

She is extremely bitchy about people who aren't there at the time. Lots of slagging others off and nasty comments. Again done very loudly!

I do my best to keep my distance from her and just be polite and professional if she talks to me, but her behaviour is just awful. I have mentioned it to our boss and he made the right noises but I think he too is intimidated by her and will do anything to please her. She and I first started at the same time and at first were friendly but after a month or so once she'd got her feet under the table she ditched me and didn't speak to me for about another month. I quickly realised what type of person she was, and didn't let myself be drawn in by her again and just keep a distance. I clearly see others getting picked up and put down by her all the time though.

AIBU to be sick of her behaviour?

ScreamingValenta Fri 15-Mar-19 23:14:43

YANBU. You're doing exactly the right thing by keeping your distance but remaining polite. Don't get drawn into her games and if others try to discuss her with you, say something neutral and then change the subject.

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 23:17:12

YANBU! A "lunch club" where only certain people are invited. She sounds vile. You're doing the right thing.

Grumpelstilskin Fri 15-Mar-19 23:17:52

Sounds like one of those run-of-the-mill straight to video release film scripts or one of those short crappy Cosmo articles… grin

Sarcelle Fri 15-Mar-19 23:23:04

Just be grateful you are not her! Ignore her. She's needy and childish.

Jerri907 Fri 15-Mar-19 23:25:29

Thanks all! It's just getting harder and harder to ignore her as the office is small and she is so loud. She also can't let anyone else have conversations. If I am talking to someone whom she considers part of her circle at that time, she will loudly distract them from talking to me. Today someone was speaking to me and she started screeching and jumping around saying she was sure a spider had gone down her top, cue her lackies jumping up and lifting up her layers of clothing and fussing over her, and - what a surprise - there was no spider!

sackrifice Fri 15-Mar-19 23:29:21

Be glad you get time off from her whiny voice whilst at 'lunch club'.

Take cake in for the 3 of you that don't go to the 'club'. Make sure there are only 3 cakes. Make sure you keep it out on your desk and say 'oh that, yes it's spoken for'. Then celebrate the peace and quiet.

needmorepizzainmydiet Fri 15-Mar-19 23:32:27

Bar the lunch club thing, we have someone very like this in our office. Totally dominated the conversation, overly opinionated to the point of being rude, intimidating, loud and so bitchy it is unreal - will actually start speaking about someone the minute they leave the room.

It’s one of those things I don’t think you can do much about unfortunately. Just ignore as best as possible.

AmyFl Fri 15-Mar-19 23:37:55

Loud fun people...sound like pains in the ass at work.

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 23:38:30

She sounds the textbook office bully right down to the last and your boss the all too often shit manager that won't tackle the issues because it's easier to put up with the odd complaint and polite conversation from the few staff like yourself than ride out an Almighty explosion from the likes of her.

If you can't tackle her yourself and haven't anyone else willing or able to call her out directly just don't give her any opportunity and show no interest or even acknowledgement of her mouthing off and causing drama. Chances are she'll pick it up a gear because it'll bug her that you're just carting on and behaving like you haven't heard whatever she's doing and saying.

Nothing hurts her type than no attention or shits being given so do everything as though you barely even notice she's there.

She'll try to get you back on board / probably invite you to join this exclusive lunch club and when she does casually "Erm.. no I'm good thanks" and go right back to what you were doing.

Make her a second thought if not something that just interrupts what you're doing and when you're trying to work.

When she gets SUPER MEGA LOUD OMG WELL FUN ME I'M JUST CRAZY AND SO MUCH FUN!! you should pick up and pretend to be on the phone, give her a few seconds to run off her mouth and then gesture to quieten down like "Shh.. I'm on the phone dick-wad shut up"

Basically keep your cool, don't get mad and don't let her upset you but instead find simple ways to highlight and really magnify what a dick she is without it being rude, confrontational or in any way unreasonable.

I've just waited until the token office bitch starts on at someone and then turned and said dryly "Hang on...last week you were saying that about her and now you're saying it to her about someone else. Pick a side and settle will you? Jeeez.. I bet you'd bitch and fall out with yourself if you weren't in the room long enough"

Whilst she's allowed to keep doing this shit and not being called out she'll keep it up and whilst it gets a reaction from others in the office who are edgy and keen to stay on her good side she'll keep it up.

Only takes the one person which really should be your boss but if they haven't done anything now they won't so it's a case of up to you I'd say.

Hard if you're not the type to deal with that sort of person but I'd just treat and react to everything she does like a wasp buzzing round your pint on a warm day. "Just get... Oh will you.. FUCK OFF!!"

WorraLiberty Fri 15-Mar-19 23:42:17

Wow! You've really let this woman get to you, haven't you?

You can't control her behaviour but you can learn to control your reaction to it and most importantly how much head space you give it.

Try to learn to switch off, otherwise you'll go bonkers. Seriously.

Chocolate35 Fri 15-Mar-19 23:44:56

She sounds horrid! Very much like someone I work with. I used to get really upset until I decided I was giving her way too much power over my mood. I now happily sit two feet away from her and don’t even acknowledge her presence. I just DGAF anymore. You’ve behaved perfectly and are definitely NU.

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 23:48:31

I have absolutely no time, patience or tolerance for people that talk too much, bitch too often or about things really not worth a shit.

Never unfair or unreasonable and when someone really does need to raise an issue I'm all ears and take it seriously on the spot cos I loathe bullies but the token "he said she said" lot get the full Gordon at the first sign.

I literally gave about four or five girls the full "YOU YOU YOU YOU AND YOU - FUCK OFF!!" cos they'd been there almost an hour just griping and going round in circles and I couldn't listen to them they were driving me insane.

Best thing is when they were all whizzed out they turned best buddies and all agreed I was the bitch so it worked out for everyone in the end grin

Give her the Gordon. If your boss won't then you should just let her have it.

PregnantSea Sat 16-Mar-19 00:16:15

I would speak to your boss again and focus on the noise issue. Surely he's not so pathetic and weasely that he can't speak to one of his team about being loud and distracting.

I have worked with dickheads many a time before, and although it's annoying I try to let it wash over me. What I cannot stand, and don't think I should have to stand for, is people who are very loud and distracting. An office is a place of work, not a playground, and people are entitled to some peace and quiet whilst they get on with their jobs. Obviously chatting about EastEnders for a bit is fine, but you can do that at a normal volume.

Once she's been told to shut up then perhaps she will be easier to ignore.

Sparklesocks Sat 16-Mar-19 00:23:55

Some people still think they’re at school unfortunately, the cliquey mentality hasn’t left them and they feel superior by exerting power by excluding others. I know it’s easier said than done but try not to let it get to you, keep your distance as you’ve been doing and generally try to remember that it’s a bit sad she needs to validate herself in this way - they aren’t the actions of happy, confident person who is comfy in their own skin.

Borelis Sat 16-Mar-19 00:31:15

Hi OP,
Unfortunately no real advice from me but I'm going through the EXACT same thing.. very loud, bitchy, arrogant girl in the office (who started at work very recently - will deliberately exclude me whilst handing out treats, chocolates etc. to those sitting in front of me, to my left and to my right...even yesterday this has happened..! I'd love to know what's the deciding factor which these types of girls use to determine whether someone should be "in" their group or excluded...

I think it's an insecurity thing as no girl who is prettier than me (I'm assuming I'm average for the sake of this and definitely not big headed but the ones who've done this were worse looking than me lol, I've seen very pretty girls and not one has been excluding and doing such behaviors - same concept has applied for girls who are cleverer than me - none of them have ever behaved like that. It is just based on my experiences but I believe it's a jealousy thing possibly.

Lalliella Sat 16-Mar-19 00:48:53

How has she got any friends? Everyone will see through her before too long and she’ll be left alone and isolated. Karma!

Thecabbageassasin Sat 16-Mar-19 01:04:59

She won’t have any friends. Most people are usually to polite/ intimidated to tell the likes of her to fuck off.
Op model them some professional behaviour to your colleagues by not engaging in her crap and speak to your mgr again about noise levels, he can dismiss a ‘personality clash’ but if you explain how noise is impacting productivity then they will need to address it.

greenant Sat 16-Mar-19 01:06:14

uuurgh i feel like i know this person. Text book bullying from someone who is (behind the facade) insecure, threatened and feeling inadequate. They will chop off the heads of others to seem taller. Keep your distance and don't make an enemy out of them. They thrive on this controlling behaviour it doesnt matter who the target is as long as they feel powerful. Is their an HR manager? They may be interested to know the reason behind their high staff turnover. It must be costing them a lot. Her behaviour should be monitored.

springydaff Sat 16-Mar-19 01:06:16

I'm surprised at the responses on here when this is quite a serious issue.

It is workplace bullying which is a big deal.

Quit the 'don't let it get to you' comments please, folks.

No real advice op except, probably, get another job. I stayed in a similar situation and in the end I had to go because I got nowhere and it was seriously affecting my health, mental and physical.

BlackPrism Sat 16-Mar-19 01:26:51

Ask to put a complaint in about her behaviour, in writing.

BlackPrism Sat 16-Mar-19 01:42:14

@Borelis well your hypothesis isn't correct as one of the most beautiful women I have met in person (model gorgeous) was exactly like this

Mincingfuckdragon Sat 16-Mar-19 02:29:26

There's a girl like this in my 11 year old's class at school. And I think this sort of behaviour is unacceptable from an 11yo...

ohtheholidays Sat 16-Mar-19 03:03:10

Learn to roll your eyes out loud grin

Ignore her when she's being a knob,if she's shouting and your on the phone,apologize for the excessive noise,assure them it's not you making the God awful racket and then turn and give her a very pointed look.

I've had to do the above whilst at work and it worked.

If your on the phone(your phone on your lunchbreak)laugh and if she asks you what's so funny,just turn and say oh nothing for you to worry about.I know it sounds really evil(and almost bullying)but it really does work and sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

I've had to do all 3 of those whilst at work and what made the behaviour of the other person even more tedious was that he didn't work in our area or with our team so had no need to bloody be there anyways and he was old enough to be my father(I was very young)so we'd all thought he'd no better,sadly he didn't and in the end he did lose his job because he just pissed to many people of our managers included.

daisychain01 Sat 16-Mar-19 03:33:10

Put in a grievance, with examples of behaviour that you specifically call out as unprofessional. Include dates, times, context and what their behaviour has done to affect your productivity in each case. Talk about it specifically in terms of how it would affect the company's image and reputation if any customer were ever to be a fly on the wall.

Also state in your grievance that you expect an investigation to take place and that you want to be certain there is no retaliation against you as you are raising this concern in good faith to help them address bullying in the workplace.

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