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What should I do?

(56 Posts)
SarahLea3 Fri 15-Mar-19 19:21:11

So my daughter is 11 and has a friend round for the night. Its a usual thing. She has a friend round most weekends for a night or 2 depending on the friend. I have just been up to check on them and as I went up she hid something. After asking 3 times what she was hiding she pulled out some empty packets. I thought maybe the friend had brought them so I asked where she got them and she said downstairs. She had taken packets of biscuits out of the snack box downstairs. We always say if they are hungry they can eat whenever they want but it must be healthy so fruit or a yoghurt. I asked her why she stole them and she just shrugged as she didn't know what to say. I told her if she had asked I would have said yes but she stole them which was naughty. She has always been so good, and I mean amazingly good.she does as she's told, no backchat etc. But she has started getting sneaky. She took some dvds off my shelf a few weeks ago and took them to her friends without asking. They weren't appropriate for their age. I don't know what to do as never had to deal with it. I told her off and said she wasn't having anyone over for the next 2 weekends and I've taken her phone. What can I do to get it drummed in that she can't just start taking things. I told her I need to trust her and if she carries on I won't be able to. Or am I just completely over reacting?!

Nanny0gg Fri 15-Mar-19 19:22:25

Is it her idea or is she being put up to it by her friends? Is it to 'fit in'?

SarahLea3 Fri 15-Mar-19 19:23:38

Im pretty sure it's her idea. The friend se he has tonight if a good friend and has been for 7 years

BirdieInTheHand Fri 15-Mar-19 19:24:42

Totally overreacting in my opinion but I find the concept of your child being able to "steal" family food incomprehensible.

She's got a friend over for a sleep over and she's taken some "everyday" biscuits I can't think of a single reason to be concerned about this confused

CaseofEllen Fri 15-Mar-19 19:26:22

@BirdieInTheHand agree

Bluestitch Fri 15-Mar-19 19:27:10

We always say if they are hungry they can eat whenever they want but it must be healthy so fruit or a yoghurt

That'd be why she had to 'steal' the biscuits then, because she wouldn't be allowed them. Poor kid.

123fushia Fri 15-Mar-19 19:27:18

I would let it go. She will know that you aren’t happy and that will be punishment enough. Choose your battles would be my advice. My daughter did something similar years ago. She is 17 now and a lovely, sociable, caring and responsible girl. Try not to worry.

LuluBellaBlue Fri 15-Mar-19 19:28:06

Goodness I just can’t comprehend this ‘stealing’ of food, my son has always had free access to a snack cupboard. Because of this he’s learnt to manage his hunger and food cravings. You’ll make your child obsessed with food when they’re old enough to buy their own?

Drogosnextwife Fri 15-Mar-19 19:29:15

Well you sound as though you are keeping her ion a pretty tight leash. I would imagine that's why she doesn't want to tell you, she thinks you will say no and give her into trouble. 2 punishments for taking some biscuits is a bit OTT IMO. Of you don't ease up it might get worse. Trust me I hid everything from my parents.

ichbineinstasumer Fri 15-Mar-19 19:29:36

understand how annoying this is, and that it's very much the principle, the sneaking etc - but mine do this too, they want to make their sleepover special, it's not ideal but not worth embarrassing your DD in front of her friend, I think you should pick your battles

Intohellbutstayingstrong Fri 15-Mar-19 19:30:18

YABU. Massive over reaction. It's food in her home not a tenner out of your purse.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Fri 15-Mar-19 19:30:50

If you think you have worries now, with a “stolen” biscuit. Just you wait 4 years😂. Good luck OP with your DD who always does as she is told.

NuffSaidSam Fri 15-Mar-19 19:31:18

I think she's just getting to the age where they need to be a little bit rebellious, push boundaries. I think it's absolutely normal. A teen or tween who never, ever did anything 'secret' would be more of a worry imo!

I also think that if her idea of rebellion is taking some biscuits from the snack box you've really got nothing to worry about!

I think just telling her she shouldn't have done it is enough. It gives her a sense of 'i've done something a bit naughty' but doesn't make a massive issue out of something that is really minor!

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 19:31:50

My god surely this is a massive over reaction. I thought you were going to say she was hiding alcohol or fags (which would be a worry). Nicking some biscuits - which she would have been allowed anyway is nothing. It's natural and to some extent healthy that as she gets older she wants to assert her own authority a bit and not ask permission for everything she does. As long as it's just a few biscuits I think you need to relax!

Nanny0gg Fri 15-Mar-19 19:31:54

Wasn't just the biscuits...

NewspP Fri 15-Mar-19 19:32:32

Wow don’t complain in 20 years when she goes nc with you or ends up with eating issues. It’s a packet of biscuits ffs unless you are struggling financially you are massively overreacting

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Fri 15-Mar-19 19:32:51

"you can eat whatever you want as long as its fruit"

That'll be why!

She's 11 you need to give her a bit of freedom. A few biscuits aren't going to hurt her

SarahLea3 Fri 15-Mar-19 19:35:26

Serveral packs of chocolate covered biscuits an hour after dinner which included a generous slice of cake for pudding and sweets after school. Pretty sure I'm aloud to limit crap food if I feel the need.

Gazelda Fri 15-Mar-19 19:38:32

She took snacks from the kitchen of her family home. I'm shocked that you'd refer to that as stealing.

Wearywithteens Fri 15-Mar-19 19:40:15

God I thought you were going to say weed or alcohol - not chocolate biscuits! God forbid a couple of kids would want a treat in a sleepover. Your child is probably embarrassed by your wierd puritanical attitude.

Bringbackthestripes Fri 15-Mar-19 19:47:43

Age 9 ish I used to ask mum if I could have a biscuit, if she said yes I went and grabbed a club or a kitkat from the school snack drawer instead.....until the day she asked “when I say yes to a biscuit, are you taking a school snack instead?”
I denied it, but I never did it again, until as a teen -shock, horror-I scoffed whatever I could grab before my siblings ate it first.
Why, if they say they are hungry, must it always be healthy? Sometimes you just want a biscuit rather than an apple.
I guess this was showing off and being sneaky with a friend. It was fun and rebellious. Maybe the friend was hungry and didn’t want a boring healthy snack.
YABU and over reacted. If you are this controlling over a biscuit I can’t help thinking there will be a massive rebellion in later years.
BTW I am now mid 40’s, honors degree, HCP, own my own home so sneaking biscuits didn’t lead me into shoplifting and mugging old ladies

katykins85 Fri 15-Mar-19 20:07:37

Jesus, fancy a sleepover with friends without even some sodding biscuits! You need to lighten up OP or you'll end up with real reasons to be worried

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Fri 15-Mar-19 20:10:12

Relax it's a sleepover.
Or she will just want to sleep over elsewhere...

SmiledWithTheRisingSun Fri 15-Mar-19 20:19:22

Bit OTT op.

BirdieInTheHand Fri 15-Mar-19 20:21:11

Pretty sure I'm aloud [sic] to limit crap food if I feel the need*

Sure you can. But there's a world of difference between restricting "crap" and talking in terms of your DD stealing chocolate covered (shock horror!) biscuits.

Carry on restricting family food and you've got a world of eating disorders and unhappiness ahead of you

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