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I don’t like my neice.....

(63 Posts)
cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 16:43:36

I just don’t like her! I feel awful, but I don’t. She’s only 7 but she’s unkind and a bully to my DD the same age. She is an only child. She will be cruel to my DD. My DD will retaliate and she will run and tell her Mum my DD has been. This starts within 5 minutes of her getting to our house. She will find out what my DD would like for her birthday in 3 months time, then arrive at our house with item for herself having been bought it the next day. The first thing she says when we see her is “look what I’ve got” not even a hello! Am I being horrid? She’s a little girl?

LucyAutumn Fri 15-Mar-19 18:14:29

I agree with other posters, you need to stop reacting so positively to her when she shows off.

It sounds like she enjoys specifically targeting your daughter, could you teach your daughter a junior version of how to 'grey rock' herself?

cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 18:21:01

I’m over the top to try and hide how much I dislike everything she does/says. I do genuinely feel quite sorry for her. Her mother, my sil is a lovely woman but my bil is not and I feel sad when I think about the rules she has to live by. I always try and be super nice to compensate. My family do not like her very much either and no one else behaves like she does.

cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 18:23:24

In the past my sil has told me she is terrified that her DD will have no friends as she is so bossy and quite unkind at school. Because she is so lovely I couldn’t bring myself to say anything negative to her so didn’t really say very much. I should of said something then.

cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 18:26:18

Sometimes she walks into my house and doesn’t even say hello and then leaves without saying goodbye.

cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 18:34:20

toooldtoocareanymore Whaaaaaaat.......... on........... earth.........

TheNoodlesIncident Fri 15-Mar-19 18:45:33

Get your DD to tell her she's getting a drum kit next

TesselateMore Fri 15-Mar-19 18:48:59

Try concentrating on the outcome you want - improved behaviour presumably - rather than worrying too much about liking/not liking her.

There are almost certainly things you can do to improve her behaviour while she's at yours at least.

It's in everyone''s best interests if your niece behaves in a kinder way and you probably can influence that at least while she is in your home.

You seem to me to be in a negative loop about this. "I'm so awful for thinking she's awful but she is awful but it isn't her fault but it's going to get worse." If you stop worrying about your feelings and use your energy on problem solving you might be able to improve things rapidly. If not, at least you tried something positive.

Sorry that probably sounds more critical than I mean to be. I know it's hard to keeep emotions out of these situations as we all have our baggage but really, it's worth the effort. Pretend you're Supernanny.

TheNoodlesIncident Fri 15-Mar-19 18:57:00

YeahNah1980 It's really, really difficult to criticise someone's child, even in a "nice way", they will take umbrage at their precious child being slated, no matter how true it is. Of course you can be tactful and point out their good points as well, but still, criticism never goes down well.

In OP's position I would try to avoid seeing them as much as possible, and if SIL wants to know why, then maybe a few gentle hints - only as SIL has already cottoned on to her dc being bossy and unkind at school. But you do have to tread very carefully.

LatentPhase Fri 15-Mar-19 19:06:50

My Dnephew also has support at school, issues there with behaviour, not being able to cope with ‘not winning’ etc. Dsis has been helped by their ‘parenting base’. My dad lost it with Dnephew when my Dsis wasn’t stepping in. My Dsis got upset, reached out for help. I took her for dinner and extremely tactfully pointed stuff out. But I’m the younger Dsis and my Dsis wasn’t really up for hearing it. So it’s made zero difference. So I would be very cautious about trying to influence behaviour when ultimately the parents have the biggest influence and things are already entrenched.

SrSteveOskowski Fri 15-Mar-19 19:49:50

YANBU. I don't like my friend's DD 4. Though I acknowledge that her mother's parenting skills are probably where the problem lies. She's a spoilt stroppy little madam and last week when I told her that she couldn't have another biscuit (she'd had 3 already) she stomped her foot, spat at me and told me she hated me.

Thewheelsonthebusgoround Fri 15-Mar-19 19:57:41

It’s really interesting to read a thread where it’s acceptable to dislike a child. If it was a step parent saying this instead of an auntie the reaction would be so much different!

Oliversmumsarmy Fri 15-Mar-19 19:57:43

A drum kit is a wonderful idea.

ThanosSavedMe Fri 15-Mar-19 22:10:16

A violin is even better!!!

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