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I don’t like my neice.....

(63 Posts)
cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 16:43:36

I just don’t like her! I feel awful, but I don’t. She’s only 7 but she’s unkind and a bully to my DD the same age. She is an only child. She will be cruel to my DD. My DD will retaliate and she will run and tell her Mum my DD has been. This starts within 5 minutes of her getting to our house. She will find out what my DD would like for her birthday in 3 months time, then arrive at our house with item for herself having been bought it the next day. The first thing she says when we see her is “look what I’ve got” not even a hello! Am I being horrid? She’s a little girl?

BMW6 Fri 15-Mar-19 17:20:48

Personally I'd have as little to do with them as possible.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 15-Mar-19 17:22:01

What Oliversmummy said about the gifts. Encourage DD to not tell her cousin what she wants. If she doesn't want to 'lie' and say something she doesn't want, just tell her to say "I don't know yet".

I suppose it's simply not possible to talk to the parents about this? In that case I'd be planning to meet out of the house and when DD 'isn't available' as much as possible.

I always do the whole WOW that’s amazing, you are so lucky blah blah blah

Why do you do this? It just encourages her. There's a middle ground between that and 'that's stupid/shit/whatever' and that is "That's nice, dear" with no further comment.

mummymeister Fri 15-Mar-19 17:22:39

so you don't like her. your DD doesn't like her. so make that obvious to your sister/in law. stop organising playdates or time together and if your sister/in law mentions it tell her why.

we don't have to like our family. we don't have to spend time with them if we don't like them.

HeckyPeck Fri 15-Mar-19 17:22:48

I agree with the above re making up ludicrous presents or say giving to charity.

If she’s mean to your DD say “no, DN don’t be rude” or whatever. It can’t be allowed to stand for your DDs sake.

How often do you have to see her? I’d be cutting back on visits if she can’t learn to behave herself.

ChocChocButtons Fri 15-Mar-19 17:23:21

My cousins daughter is a obnoxious little brat. I don’t spend any time with them if I can help it.

WhatchaMaCalllit Fri 15-Mar-19 17:27:59

Is her mum your sister or your sister-in-law?
If it is the former, you could have a word with your sister and say that you've noticed that the two kids aren't getting along at the moment so perhaps next time she comes to visit, it could just be her and you could have more of a grown up catch-up?
If it's your SIL, you could suggest the same or just perhaps suggest that you reduce the number of visits as they don't seem to be getting along so well at the moment (and don't mention the offer of a more grown up catch up).

Would that work do you think?

cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 17:28:59

BlueMerchant No my sil isn’t but my bil is. When they were younger, if ha came to my house and my dd had a toy his dd was playing with, he would go online and buy it. EVERY TIME.

ThanosSavedMe Fri 15-Mar-19 17:29:19

Your dd should stop telling her what she wants. I would make stuff up.

cheeseandegg Fri 15-Mar-19 17:30:15

ChocChocButtons grin

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 17:31:36

Understand exactly what you mean there's nothing wrong with it.

I've really fiercely disliked a couple of mine too but just keep how and when I have to be around them to a minimum and remember (or try to remember) it's not actually their fault they're little shits.

I don't like many people though and generally avoid them whether there's DNA or not.

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 17:32:47

It's not ice to dislike a 7 year old but it's natural when they're upsetting your child. I would try to remind yourself that her behaviour is a result of her parenting. Focus on helping your DD manage her cousin's behaviour. AT least it only happens at home when you're there to support her.

GreenTulips Fri 15-Mar-19 17:34:25

I always do the whole WOW that’s amazing, you are so lucky blah blah blah

Why are you fuelling this with being over the top?

Just a oh lovely would do instead! Some kids love the attention.

Don’t leave them alone and don’t make your DD suffer this awful child

LatentPhase Fri 15-Mar-19 17:36:48

Oh am SO relieved to read this.

<confession time> I feel similar about my DNephew who is 8. Feel no warmth to him whatsoever (feel awful about that though, such a shame). He has never heard the word ‘no’ in his life. Rules life in his home and has probably only experienced 10mins of unstructured time in his life ever. He winds up my dc, has my Dsis stressing and bending to his every whim. My teen dc have always tolerated him with good grace, but I’ve had to strategically sit my dc apart from him at family meals to shield dd2 from his behaviour.

My Dsis is constantly coming up with opportunities for us all to get together confused it’s exhausting sad

Agee it’s all in the parenting. Dnephew is an only child of super-high functioning parents. Though it is not the cause I think a sibling in his life probably would have helped.

bellie710 Fri 15-Mar-19 17:36:55

I don't like any of my nieces and nephews, they are either spoilt brats, or rude badly behaved brats! Luckily we live far enough away that we only have to see them a few times a year!

Janedoughnut Fri 15-Mar-19 17:39:39

I agree with other posters about your reaction to her bringing the present your daughter wanted.

I'd just say 'oh dd wanted that for her birthday until she changed her mind'.

Wolfiefan Fri 15-Mar-19 17:39:49

If a child was unpleasant to mine then I wouldn’t have them over. Relative or not they wouldn’t be alone with my child.
And a pony. Your child wants a pony for Christmas. And a trip to the moon for her birthday. grin

Topseyt Fri 15-Mar-19 17:42:41

Stop being so effusive when admiring niece's new toys. Why on earth do you think you have to do that? Just cool it right off.

"That's nice, dear. I presume you got the idea from DD the last time you were here" should be sufficient.

Why keep arranging playdates if your DD doesn't get on with her cousin? They don't have to have a relationship or even like each other just because they are related.

MumUnderTheMoon Fri 15-Mar-19 17:43:23

My parents had really close friends when we were kids. We saw them almost every week I hated the daughter and she didn't like me either and spending time in her company made me miserable. Does your dd enjoy her company? If not I would maybe ease off on visits for a while. Don't leave them alone together when you are visiting and if your nieces mum or dad won't discipline her then do it yourself.

Hoppinggreen Fri 15-Mar-19 17:43:53

I don’t like one of mine but I know it’s her parents rather than her personally

Aeroflotgirl Fri 15-Mar-19 17:50:40

It is fine not to like a child, and I would not be liking a child who was mean to my dc and rude. Her parents don't sound like they are doing anything about it, and are raising a spoilt and rude child.

JenniferJareau Fri 15-Mar-19 17:55:47

* She will find out what my DD would like for her birthday in 3 months time, then arrive at our house with item for herself having been bought it the next day.*

Tell her lies about what dd wants grin

WorraLiberty Fri 15-Mar-19 18:00:15

HopeClearwater Fri 15-Mar-19 16:46:18

Not ‘neice’.

HopeClearwater do you realise that sort of shitty behaviour actually puts people off of posting on Mumsnet, when they have a problem?

YeahNah1980 Fri 15-Mar-19 18:05:55

Why don’t you talk to her mum or dad? You’re related so I don’t see the problem mentioning it in a nice way.

Anique105 Fri 15-Mar-19 18:06:51

I absolutely hated my nephews when they were little. The last time we had them to stay were when they were 2 and 3yo. They were such awful brats that I said to Dh (his sisters kids) that is the last time.

It didnt matter a bit that it's their parents lack of parenting, what did that help us as we still have to put up with their behaviour. So we managed to avoid having them over to stay for about 8/9 years. Even dh other family couldnt deal with them as they were truly awful and badly behaved.

But now at 11 and 12 they are so sweet and pleasant. So there is hope as they grow up they may turn out better with other influences such as school.

TesselateMore Fri 15-Mar-19 18:08:24

Maybe if you knew that you were doing your best to modify your niece's behaviour then you wouldn't feel guilty. I work with people with challenging behaviour and there are all kinds of ways you can influence behaviour but you have to be flexible and use your head rather than just react emotionally.

I'd have a think about what the payoff is for her and see if you can give her what she wants in a way that encourages better behaviour.

"I always do the whole WOW that’s amazing, you are so lucky blah blah blah"

As previous posters have noted, this positive reaction from you could be reinforcing the unwanted behaviour. You could try and catch her saying something nice and give her loads of positive attention for that instead.

More generally, try and put your feelings to one side long enough to study the situation. What triggers the negative behaviour? What does she get out of it? if it's attention from you then that's fairly straightforward to change.

I think "feeling awful" about it is stopping you looking at the situation as a problem that is probably solveable.

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