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Am. Wrong to be suspicious?

(41 Posts)
Hotpinkangel19 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:04:28

Looking for advice: What would you make of this?
DH is a HGV driver and regularly visits the same place for a delivery.
The woman called up his work saying how fab he is etc.
This was a few months ago.
Not long ago he told her he was over there at midnight, and she said she would have brought him a hot drink (at midnight!) as she lived close by
He’s searched for he on Fb a few weeks ago - today after he’s delivered there he’s searched her and requested her as a friend on Facebook.
Am I being silly?

MRex Fri 15-Mar-19 12:19:57

It sounds like your DH is trying to start an affair. It's best to talk to him to decide if things are over or if you both want to deal with this. If you don't because you think he's already crossed a line then it's reasonable to walk away.

MoistMolly Fri 15-Mar-19 12:20:48

You need to look at your relationship. There's obviously no trust there with all your snooping.

Littlechocola Fri 15-Mar-19 12:21:42

I wouldn’t like it

adaline Fri 15-Mar-19 12:32:16

I have to say I wouldn't like that either.

tensmum1964 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:33:28

He,s crossed way more than one line. You are not being silly. He,s clearly seeking her out and I doubt his intentions are innocent.

RedSkyLastNight Fri 15-Mar-19 12:34:06

How do you know all that? Did he tell you? Are you snooping?
If he told you, then probably nothing in it. If you are snooping, I think you need to consider why.

bunintheoven88 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:35:13

If he was trying to start an affair I wouldn't have thought he would have told you about her 🤷🏽‍♀️

CookPassBabtridge Fri 15-Mar-19 12:36:55

An affair 😂 From adding someone on facebook? Better remove all my male friends and stop complimenting them.

talktoo Fri 15-Mar-19 12:38:03

MoistMolly don't be ridiculous. Any one can quite easily have 2 or 3 things make their instincts rise up. Maybe wrongly maybe rightly. Then looking into things is sensible, not snooping. You'd be one of those naive people who was the last one to know.

BejamNostalgia Fri 15-Mar-19 12:40:19

Saying something like ‘Oh if I’d known you were here I would have got you a coffee’ is a pretty meaningless thing to say.

It just sounds like they’re friendly to me and I wouldn’t assume it was an affair. I mean, are there that many women out there that would seduce a delivery man at their work? I thought that only happened in bad porn.

PregnantSea Fri 15-Mar-19 12:41:36

Talk to him about this. Ask him what's going on. Watch his reaction very carefully. If he willingly volunteers the truth and doesn't act like it's a big deal then I'd maybe just think he's being naive. And I'd ask him to cut it out! But if he neglects to mention even a tiny little detail or acts like he's been caught out then I'd be very suspicious and think the worst.

Savoury99 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:42:34

I agree talktoo, not a very helpful contribution MoistMolly.

Hotpinkangel19 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:46:49

I just have a gut feeling about it all - mane I'm wrong but I wouldn't encourage someone who liked me - is it normal to pop out at night to deliver a coffee to a random delivery driver who you barely know?

Nicknacky Fri 15-Mar-19 12:48:28

But she didn’t go give him coffee? It could be just one of those throwaway comments people make but have no intention of actually doing it.

Savoury99 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:49:40

I wouldn't, I would ask him.

crochetmonkey74 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:58:27

NO, I would be worried too- as they are seeking each other out. I have lest nice reviews for nice delivery drivers before, or other people who have been really lovely. That's where it ends, a professional service, a customer review. Anything else shows there is something else there. I would be really suspicious.

Huskylover1 Fri 15-Mar-19 13:00:25

He'd be incredibly stupid to add her on FB (which links to his wife), if his intentions were creepy.

She would be stupid to call his work, if they were having an affair.

That said, I still wouldn't like it!

AlexaAmbidextra Fri 15-Mar-19 13:01:11

There's obviously no trust there with all your snooping.

With good reason it would seem.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 15-Mar-19 13:01:40

Who is feeding you all this info OP?

TheDizzyRascal Fri 15-Mar-19 13:15:45

Oh wow a lot of people have jumped to a conclusion so quick! I work at a place that takes lots of deliveries (I'm female) and I am friends on facebook with a few of the regular drivers! They pop in so often, we have a chat, we have a brew, I know about their families etc... so you become friends, it's not a problem! Obviously if they start meeting up/having secrets/swapping inappropriate messages then yeah, it may be a problem, but at the moment I don't think so. Hope it turns out to be nothing OP xxx

Herewegoagain84 Fri 15-Mar-19 13:34:29

@TheDizzyRascal I think this situation is a bit different though - her DH hasn’t just made a delivery and had a few chats with a female employee, it seems she’s seeking him out in the middle of the night to bring him coffee as she lives close by - so she’s not even on the premises at the time. Would that happen at your workplace?

Birdsgottafly Fri 15-Mar-19 13:36:39

CookPassBabtridge are they mates or did they compliment you, so you decided to add them?

"I mean, are there that many women out there that would seduce a delivery man at their work"

Yep and taxi drivers, they get constant offers. There are sites just for hook ups, but picking someone like a driver gives you a level of protection, or so is thought.

Is he friends with other Women? I know men amd of they are friendly with a Woman, they want to shag her, because other than that, outside of family, they don't closely mix with Women.

He's looked for her, if he isn't the "add everyone and their dog on FB", then he's looking to play away.

MoistMolly Fri 15-Mar-19 13:44:14

@talktoo

don't be ridiculous. Any one can quite easily have 2 or 3 things make their instincts rise up.

Which are what? OP hasn't said, unless you count that he makes regular deliveries to her workplace and she's left a comment with his employer.

Everything after that in the ops post is paranoia. I think you need to stop being ridiculous by making things up.

BlooperReel Fri 15-Mar-19 13:44:48

Yeah he is definitely pursuing her.

Nathansmommy1 Fri 15-Mar-19 13:49:35

It could be harmless and that he is just enjoying the attention. But best to have a chat with him about it and see what he says.

Teateaandmoretea Fri 15-Mar-19 14:05:25

Agree with pp if he was trying to start an illicit affair why would he add her on facebook?

ohtheholidays Fri 15-Mar-19 14:09:10

No I don't think YABU.

My BF has recently been widowed and her DH did the same kind of job as your DH by the sounds of it and now one of the men he was very good friends with and does the same job has started sniffing around my BF and he's married with DC.

Sadly from what she's told me within his workplace at least it's quite common.

I don't think it matters what anyone else on here thinks though(me included)you know how you feel and if it doesn't feel right then it most probably isn't.

maggiecate Fri 15-Mar-19 14:21:36

I can see myself saying something like "Oh I've known that I'd have popped out with a cup of tea!" but I wouldn't have actually done it - sounds like friendly 'regular driver' banter with someone who she appreciates for doing a good job (calls with complaints about drivers probably outnumber praise about drivers by about 1000 to 1 at his work - very few people ever take the trouble to praise great service). However you know your husband best and if you don't feel you can trust him that suggests there are issues that need addressing.

Funkaccino Fri 15-Mar-19 14:25:06

He'd be incredibly stupid to add her on FB (which links to his wife), if his intentions were creepy.

True. But people are caught out all the time down to their stupidity as well.

sweeneytoddsrazor Fri 15-Mar-19 14:27:59

Plenty of my friends on facebook have been made through work. Not work mates but people that regularly come in for other things. I am not interested in them in any other than a chatty way. And yes I and probably them would have made the tea comment or one similar. Knowing that a) we wouldn't actually do it and b) they wouldn't actually ask. It's a throw away type of comment along the lines of if you are ever in our town pop in, that peopĺe make to holiday acquaintances.

Strugglingtodomybest Fri 15-Mar-19 15:08:14

It doesn't sound like much to me. She thinks he's good at his job, made a throw away comment and then he has added her as a friend on Facebook, all over the course of a few months. No biggie in my book.

BejamNostalgia Fri 15-Mar-19 15:14:56

Yeah he is definitely pursuing her.

Honestly, this place is crackers sometimes. If a women made friends with a man at work and added him on FB and her DH started accusing her of wanting to shag him everyone would be ‘control, abuse’.

A man like that would say he had a ‘gut feeling’ too, but he’d be called paranoid.

BlooperReel Fri 15-Mar-19 16:07:45

She is offering to bring him hot drinks at midnight, that is not usually how friendships are struck, she is inconveniencing herself for someone she barley knows. She likes him, he is lapping it up.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

Bluntness100 Fri 15-Mar-19 16:11:18

It sounds like your DH is trying to start an affair

Ah look, mystic meg is amongst us, spreading prophecies of doom to anyone worrying.

Op, it doesn't sound great but it could simply be innocent and he is just looking for a friendły face on what could be a very lonely job.

sweeneytoddsrazor Fri 15-Mar-19 17:32:55

@BlooperReel or she is making a throw away comment that isnt really meant to be taken seriously. The type of comment people often make.

cardibach Fri 15-Mar-19 17:43:24

she’s seeking him out in the middle of the night to bring him coffee as she lives close by - so she’s not even on the premises at the time
Umm herewego she really isn’t. She hasn’t met him in the middle of the night. She made a throwaway comment that she’d have taken him a drink if she knew. It’s the sort of thing people say all the time without meaning it at all!
I don’t know OP. It may be something to worry about. There’s nothing specific in what you report here that makes it the most obvious explanation though.

Motoko Fri 15-Mar-19 17:59:41

I guess it depends on whether or not he takes her up on the offer of a cuppa, and lets her know when he's doing a late night delivery next.

How's your marriage been lately? Do you talk things out when you have problems? Enjoy each other's company?

Hotpinkangel19 Fri 15-Mar-19 19:21:57

Thank you all - just had time to read through your replies, I'm going to talk to him about it. Despite not seeing each other much, we have a really good relationship and I don't have any reason to think that he'd do anything. Of course he has female friends, just offering to bring a drink at midnight seems a little 🤔 to me. I could be just completely paranoid and if so I'll apologise to him. I'm definitely not the type to snoop through his phone or anything - it came up on my timeline that they were friends today, about 20 mins after he's left the work place.

sollyfromsurrey Sat 16-Mar-19 15:26:11

MoistMolly can't your read?

2 or 3 things....
1) DH regularly visits the same place for deliveries and a woman from there called up his work saying how fab he is etc.
2)Not long ago he told her he was over there at midnight, and she said she would have brought him a hot drink (at midnight!) as she lived close by
3)He’s searched for he on Fb a few weeks ago - today after he’s delivered there he’s searched her and requested her as a friend on Facebook.

You may not regard these as 'things' but the OP obviously does. And to be fair, a lot of people might be questioning things if a) a regular female customer calls to make effuse compliments, b) same customer refers to where she lives and says she would bring him drinks late at night and c) he seeks out the same customer on FB and 'befriends' her.

The professional boundaries have been crossed and this has made the OP question things.

You need to get off your high horse and stop judging people as being paranoid when they are obviously genuinely concerned.

Hotpinkangel19 Sun 17-Mar-19 21:37:25

@sollyfromsurrey Thank you.

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