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My friend talks about my child.....

(93 Posts)
mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 11:08:18

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

bubblegumunicorn Sun 17-Mar-19 15:18:35

She sounds like my friends mum - totally competitive parenting she still corners my mum in the supermarket to tell her how amazing her children are (yes still calls them children and they still live at home and act like children 28 and 25) me and my mum giggle about it now as its so lame! You won't be the only parent she does this too and before too long she will icolate her DCs as parents can't be bothered with the nonsense!

smackbangwhollop Sun 17-Mar-19 11:55:31

Some bridges you have to burn for your own sanity, unless you like the drama. What purpose does this friendship serve? There's no way this fits my definition of a 'friendship'. I would slowly withdraw and make plausible excuses.

Dillydallyalltheway Sun 17-Mar-19 08:55:27

I really dislike parents like this, I know a mother who is seriously deluded by her children’s behaviour. She would absolutely refuse to see that her children had any bad behaviour at all, it’s so bad that, if she went into her sons bedroom and he was standing there will a blooded knife and someone was laying on the floor after being stabbed to death, she would still say her child wouldn’t have done it.

manicmij Sat 16-Mar-19 21:33:51

I live in a small estate 100 houses, and there a quite a number of children from birth to teens. The gossip I hear from parents about others' children leaves me thinking they are all out of control yet the parents all say they rule with a rod. Seems most parents think they are raising little angels and others have little fiends. When it comes to teens, the lot here seem to be incarnations of Jesus Christ according to the parents. Leave the squabbles for the kids to sort out, bullying excepted of course.

nuxe1984 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:48:31

She's jealous of your child. And she's not a friend.
Block her number so she can't text you and have minimal contact with her.
What sort of adult would behave like this? And what sort of example is she setting her own child?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 16-Mar-19 20:30:10

Ravenesque that’s shocking but I do like your sweary come back.

OP I agree with others to shut it down in a low key way. Hope you can go back to being actual friends and she’s not a pain in the arse about everything else.

TheRollingCrone Sat 16-Mar-19 20:10:14

Yep -I've had one like this OP - ambushed at a party after they had broken up for summer holidays. My dd had bullied hers since reception apparently (they were going into yr3 that September). It had gotten so bad the teacher had 'given her daughter a sheet to fill out, every time my child was nasty'.
I was lucky enough to get in to see the head on the Monday - nothing of the sort had been happening 'the sheet is a tool - if we listened to every tittle tattle from 5/6/7 yrs old teachers would never get through a lesson and some children are more prone to this than others'

I was so angry - avoided the mother since. The girl is still quite controlling and likes a group of 3 so she can leave someone out.
Interestingly I once spoke to a psychologist who said children who persist in unimportant 'tittle tattles' are quite often highly controlled at home...
Unfortunately they are off to the same high school in September - a bigger cohort I'm hoping will mean their paths seldom cross.

The friend isn't your friend OP - she's an utter fruit loop.

Tommo75 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:03:12

I've always wanted to hear both sides of any story and have never just taken my DCs word when there has been any issues with other children. It's a shame your friend only believes one side of any tale. Her child will grown up entitled. She's not doing her any favours. Disappointed for you that she's not the friend you thought she was.

PreseaCombatir Sat 16-Mar-19 19:52:59

Fuck that shit, it’s exhausting.
I actually had to distance myself from one of my close friends because of her behaviour with the kids, her dd used to hit mine constantly, but instead of disciplining her, it would be all ‘come on girls, let’s play nicely’
You don’t need that in your life

MadeForThis Sat 16-Mar-19 19:47:15

Just send her a message saying that you are trying to teach your dd not to tell tales. It would be nice if she could lead by example.

But really send the message implying her dd needs more attention please 😁

ShowMeTheKittens Sat 16-Mar-19 19:34:12

Is that a 'friend'? Wow, she sounds horrible.

Ravenesque Sat 16-Mar-19 19:32:56

@HomeMadMadness and @OutOntheTilez, yes, I think she was. The thing that amazed me, even as a child, was that she never got fully charged with anything, never went to prison. Nothing.

It was also the first time in my life that I swore in front of my mum. We had a parents' evening after the calls and the police involvement and blah and our headmistress, a hateful nun, told my mum that we had to be kind to the monster mum because she'd recently had a miscarriage. My mum replied that maybe we should be kinder to children who'd just lost their father and were being tortured by the monster. As we walked away I said - about the headmistress - "What a fucking cow!" then hand over my mouth, lots of sorries and my mum laughed and told me I shouldn't use the word, but yes, she was a fucking cow.

Many years later I met the nun again and she was all "oh I always knew you'd do well" pretending that she'd never been an utter cow to me - on more occasions than the above - and I said and I always knew you were a c-word. I swear a lot, lot, LOT less these days. smile

Brocks1981 Sat 16-Mar-19 19:30:25

I remember when I was at school there was a girl who could do no wrong, in primary school she told her mum tales every night about me and her mum would repeat them back to my mum or dad in the working men's club. My parents soon realised she was just a shit stirrer cos it went from "Brocks got told off", "Brocks got put on report for throwing things" to "Brocks got pulled outof class" and no matter how much my mum n dad argued her mum woukdnt have it that she was lying. Even when my mum would point out obvious things like I couldn't have been sent out of reading class that afternoon because our journal was always signed with a date and time stating how well we did. I remember it carried on into secondary school and sadly she was in the same class. When her DD told her Id been excluded for fighting with my cousin (all she had seen was me holding my cousin who was about to fall during a siezure, which I recognised and a teacher shouting "Whats going on here" before ushering the rest of the class out barring me n cousin" her mum didnt believe a word of what my dad told her and insisted her DD had said that Id asssaukted my cousin so badly she was off school with her injuries. Until she was well and truly shown up next day when we had a parents assembly and the headteacher called me up, this girls mum turned to my mum and said "Oh have they let her back in for the assembley, god she is lucky" my dad argued back but then the headteacher went on to announce how fast I had responded to a medical emergency and had I not done what Id done we xoukd have bewn looking at serious brain damage for my cousin but she was thankfully recovering well in hospital. Then handed me a book voucher as a reward. Her mum could barely look my parents in the face, iromicalky her darling DD was susoended three times after that for similar things she accused me of a d despite her always insisting her darling daughter was a genius she was the only oerson in our year to gwt an Unclassifed mark for three of her GCSE's. You dont need friends like this. Id approach teavhers as in effect its a form of bullying her daughter is lying about your DD to gwt her into trouble and say its been going on for aome time but niw its starting to upset you. Theyll look into what ia the truth n what isnt and make her out to bw the fool she is. Or likw ithwra have aaid juat send messages back saying Never happened.

StrangeLookingParasite Sat 16-Mar-19 19:14:27

So her "game" to play was to call us when she knew my mother was working and breathe heavily down the phone and say "Raven, it's your daddy, I'm dying, I need water."

Jesus wept. What. A. Bitch.

youarenotkiddingme Sat 16-Mar-19 19:07:31

O will add both the child and mum are probably extremely insecure.

The things you report are usual everyday things in primary school.

My friends DD's are/were the same. She hung off their every word. She would actively despise these children and tell me all about how dreadful they were even when I'd try and rationalise the behaviour as pretty standard!
Then her DDs would befriend them and she'd be all over how they age the nicest most popular children in school and can't get enough of her children and always invite them places.

Both now have extreme anxiety and school refusal issues. Secondary school is a scary place for these kids when they stop being able to rise to centre stage as are in year groups the size of their previous school with various different teachers who they don't have time to schmooze and will make snap judgements on what they see.

My ds (with autism) OTOH will also fill me in on everyone's movements that day including his own misdemeanours.
He doesn't require any acknowledgement of speaking or a response.
He just likes to regale facts grin

I think some kids will repeat and tell stories of school day. Burt its how adults react to the information and what they make of the information that drives the child's feelings and behaviours further.

Alittlebitofthat Sat 16-Mar-19 19:07:23

I haven’t read the full thread and apologies if this has already been suggested but perhaps is your child doing better at school academically than hers or perceived to be by her so this is her way of feeling better about herself and her child?

AgathaF Sat 16-Mar-19 19:02:21

As others have said, distance. Might also be worth saying that her DD is a right little tell-tale!

youarenotkiddingme Sat 16-Mar-19 18:52:45

It's easy. Just reply same way she did verbally or by text.

"Never happened".

If she argues just say well she felt able to say that and you do too.

Oh, and she's no friend.

Dimsumlosesum Sat 16-Mar-19 18:51:17

No. Absolute immature dramallama. You don't need that pathetic shit in your life.

HappyBumbleBee Sat 16-Mar-19 18:49:43

I've had this - sadly not by a friend but family member 😔 I've always buried the hurt and not bothered reporting back on my younger family member to his mum as the one and only time I did, I and my child were virtually called liars and claims it never happened etc

OutOntheTilez Sat 16-Mar-19 18:47:03

Jesus. OP, she is no friend of yours. She’s using her child and your child to make herself feel better. She’s competitive and pathetic. Next time she texts you to blab, text back that you are not interested, she can take up any issues with the school, and you will be ignoring her future texts of this sort. Then ignore her texts; don’t even read them, just delete them right away. If you see her face-to-face and she starts spouting some BS, cut her off immediately and tell her to take it up with the school. Then walk away. If she keeps approaching you with her crap, say, “You know, it’s really pathetic that you need to use children to make yourself feel superior. Now stop harassing us.” Come to think of it, that might work pretty well in a text, too.

My SIL is like this, except she’s way more subtle. But it’s there. Unfortunately, her husband and children have turned into her: Very snarky, superior and entitled. It’s draining to be around them.

Your shoulders will be lighter when you dump this burden.

Ravenesque – Good God, what a nightmare that woman was. Yes, a complete sociopath.

Boysey45 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:40:18

Friend sounds a bit not all there/ a trouble causer. What I'd say is like others have said I don't get involved or want to hear any more kids tittle tattle. I'm too busy please don't text me or contact me with anymore of this. Thanks.

HomeMadeMadness Sat 16-Mar-19 18:35:53

@Ravenesque WTAF that woman sounds like she is a sociopath.

jade9390 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:35:28

Yes, as others have said, it sounds like a competitive mother. She also sounds like she does not have much of a life and over interested in other people's.

HomeMadeMadness Sat 16-Mar-19 18:35:27

I also agree with PP parents who encourage their kids to tell tales by revelling in the minor misdemeanors of other people's kids really aren't doing their child any favours. I'm very clear with both of mine - you only tell to get someone out of trouble not into it. By all means tell me if you think your friend needs adult help but not just so you can get them in trouble.

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