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My friend talks about my child.....

(93 Posts)
mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 11:08:18

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

jasmine1971 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:34:56

OP, I really don't think this lady is your friend. Fill your life with the people that bring you happiness and joy :-)

Ravenesque Sat 16-Mar-19 18:28:39

There was a mum at my primary school, i.e. when I was a child, who was a bit like this but worse. How she got away with it all I have no idea, but her behaviour was out and out, over the top, scary mental.

I liked her daughter, her daughter liked me and for ages her mentalism had no impact on me at all but did on another friend's family and it was pretty horrific. Then my father died and for some reason she used this against my little brother and me, but mostly me. This was in the seventies, so excuse "really bad parenting leaving your child alone, the horror!" My mum needed to make more money after being widowed, so for two hours a day, but not every day, she was a barmaid in a pub, five minutes from our home. I could call her there if something was wrong at home and she would come straight home. I think I must have been a very mature ten year old although I became a very emotionally immature teenager/adult, so who knows! So her "game" to play was to call us when she knew my mother was working and breathe heavily down the phone and say "Raven, it's your daddy, I'm dying, I need water."

Some people are just fucking bad to the core. I don't know if she was normal before she had children, but she was certainly a monster when she did have them. The situation got sorted, the police were involved, but she then went on to harassing my "aunt" - actually my mum's cousin - who lived a couple of doors down from her.

Break all contact with her, tell the school about her stupid behaviour and look forward to your daughter being at a different school next year. The daughter of the monster and I went to different schools and that was the last we knew of what the mentalist was up to.

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 16-Mar-19 18:24:31

I'd probably have fun with this, but then I'm an evil cow. I'd be responding with 'Such an imagination your daughter has, she'l probably be a novelist when she grows up ...'.

As has already been said, this woman is no friend of yours. Not anymore.

Serin Sat 16-Mar-19 18:23:56

OP she sounds awful but your post has infuriated me. How can you let her get away with constantly criticising your DD. I mean this as nicely as possible but you need to defend your child before she grows up and realises that you were too scared of offending others to stand in her corner.

Sarahrellyboo1987 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:18:56

I would just respond with “it’s bullshit lies. Perhaps your daughter gets the habit from you? I’m done with this relationship and will be blocking your number”

Stawp Sat 16-Mar-19 17:57:21

Your "friend" and her daughter sound as delightful as a rotten tuna sandwiches.

Fishwifecalling Fri 15-Mar-19 17:46:26

*"Oh they do love telling tales at that age don't they! The teacher will let me know if there's anything I need to know thanks"

krankykittykat Fri 15-Mar-19 17:28:52

Time to find a new friend.
Ditch the bitch.

NanooCov Fri 15-Mar-19 16:50:53

Sorry my question re "tales" or "lies" cross posted with your earlier reply to Yabbers. Sounds like the woman is a gossip and her kid is following in her footsteps. I think a stock response of "The teacher will let me know if there's anything I need to know thanks" will suffice every time. Or just ignore completely.

CoraPirbright Fri 15-Mar-19 16:41:00

why did my friend feel the need to tell me that? If I need to know something the teacher will tell me.

I think you have just typed out your very own perfect reply!! Obvs put ‘you’ in place of ‘my friend’ and job’s a good ‘un.

ClownpantsKate Fri 15-Mar-19 15:42:52

If the classes get mixed up each year ask if your DD can be in the other class as the mum has "issues" with your child!

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 15:22:25

I was called into school when mine were in primary school once and it turned out was because this girl's mother was complaining that my daughter wouldn't play with hers on the yard.

Actually asked me into school over it and this grown woman sat there like a little bitch trying to get this taken seriously.

"Your daughter won't play with mine on the yard"

Me - "Yeah I know.. they don't like each other"

"Well no my daughter said she feels bullied and that your daughter won't play or join in games if she's playing and I don't think it's right"

Me - "Why?"

Silence from both the Mother and the teacher

"Seriously... why don't you think it's right? What do you want me to do?"

"Well don't you think you should be telling your daughter to behave nicer and treat people with more respect?"

"No. She and your daughter clash and as it happens your daughter is the one causing the grief and drama and deliberately making her friends feel they have to choose one or the other. She's been a piece of work since the day she joined the school so I just told her to stay out the way of her and not get drawn into the sort of thing you're pulling here. If you want me to tell my daughter she has to shut up and put up with a girl she doesn't like or force her to play and be around her when she would rather not be anywhere near - you're in for a long wait. I am not forcing either of my kids to be friends with people they don't like. If they're bullying and being nasty about it then that's an entirely different story and they'd know about it but if they just choose politely not to play with or get embroiled with drama I'm not interested"

Your friend sounds like her.

atlastifoundit Fri 15-Mar-19 15:08:00

"Oh, really? It's funny, my dc never mentions yours at all"

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 15:07:18

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

I used to give my kids a bollocking for telling me tales about other kids like that.

Honest to God I'd even stop them in their tracks and remind them that if they're about to start telling tales "just because" and for no reason they'd be in shit so should think first before they start.

Hate kids doing that I'm amazed you've put up with this from your friend up to this point.

Just say to her "OK so what do you want me to do? If you're telling me all this cos it's upsetting or bothering you then say what's bothering you and what do you want me to do about it? Otherwise I'm not interested"

FizzyGreenWater Fri 15-Mar-19 14:52:29

'Friend, do you realise that in the past month you've sent me 34 messages letting me know what my six year old is doing according to... another six year old? Look, I really don't care about rain clouds and lunches - suggest you take a step back too. Otherwise you're in for a looooong next ten years!'

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Fri 15-Mar-19 14:52:02

Hee Hee zilla nice one.
OP.. those texts sound really intrusive and also a bit obsessive. That would drive me crackers. I think you've been very patient so far. I think I'd copy them in case you need to show them to the class teacher so they are aware what is going on and then just don't reply to any of them.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 15-Mar-19 14:46:30

No none of my friends do this, she is not a good friend at all.

Tamalpais Fri 15-Mar-19 14:34:20

Helicopter parenting combined with Angel Child Syndrome is a really bad combination. I made a formal complaint to school about another parent after she called me up accusing my child of "assaulting" hers after school, on school grounds (this was in Reception...). It wasn't the first time she was batshit but it was the last time. After my complaint, the school pulled CCTV and proved her wrong - it was actually her child who attacked mine. I went low contact with her, our kids are actually still friends years later though.

Am currently going through another situation where a parent wants to discuss my child vs. hers. My line is simple: handle it through the school. Funnily enough the school is now becoming exasperated with the parent, but it's for them to deal with. Not my circus, not my monkeys, as the saying goes...

My advice is to follow your child's needs and wants. If she wants to be friends with this mother's child, then that's a whole different road to walk than if she doesn't want to be friends. I suspect her mother is going to sabotage some of her DD's friendships and that'll be something for her DD to deal with at some point. Just pat yourself on the back that YOU'RE not the overinvested one, and maybe suggest a hobby other than gossip for this mother to take up next time you talk... maybe grab a flyer about a local book club or similar ;)

Amoregentlemanlikemanner Fri 15-Mar-19 14:27:31

this is funny!

"We played a someone like this
It cost her a heck of a lot of money, my child decided to tell the other child about her Disney 3 week holiday in Florida...
House with a pool, flying first class...
I had no idea my 9 year old was saying this until the mum phoned to tell me they were flying out, as she had booked and pay for the holiday, asking which date I was booking...
I took great joy in telling her, what you meant the fantasy holiday, my child loves planning for fun...
I did heard when she came home it had not be worth the money. ."

BumbleBeee69 Fri 15-Mar-19 14:27:14

She's a Bitch OP, not a friend. I'm glad you're distancing yourself from this crackerjack. flowers

Aeroflotgirl Fri 15-Mar-19 14:17:53

She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh, I would distance myself from her.

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 14:15:31

NanooCov - Its a mixture of both. Yes, DD did get her name moved for talking..... but it happens to someone most days.... why did my friend feel the need to tell me that? If I need to know something the teacher will tell me. I find it annoying that my friend messages me or talks to be about everything that happens. It's not just my DD, she believes everything her DD tells her about every child in the class. Some of the things are crazy and they absolutely would not of happened. But it's always has to be true if her DD has told her.

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 14:15:06

In terms of actual advice I'd either ignore it point blank or just reply with something passive aggressive "Oh they do love telling tales at that age don't they! I won't repeat the things I've heard!"

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 14:10:35

Oh god there's a woman like this who's the mum of a boy in my eldest's class. She doesn't realise all kids come home telling tales of the naughty things other kids have done. She literally thinks every other kid in the class is a sociopath and hers is an angel. Overtime there's a minor argument involving her son she takes it VERY seriously and believes her son's account to the letter. I'm lucky in that mine doesn't play much with her son so I don't get the brunt of it.

NanooCov Fri 15-Mar-19 14:09:05

Is any of it true though? Is it "tales" or "lies"?

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