Talk

Advanced search

My friend talks about my child.....

(93 Posts)
mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 11:08:18

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

kbPOW Fri 15-Mar-19 11:10:17

She's not your friend. Next time she messages you, send a curt reply advising her to raise any concerns with school and that you don't want her to contact you any more

MumW Fri 15-Mar-19 11:11:04

She's not a friend but just text back/tell her "it didn't happen" on repeat.

TwoRoundabouts Fri 15-Mar-19 11:11:44

Your "friend" is mad.

Time for you to limit contact. Don't respond to her messages.

If she kicks up explain that children should be able to have friendships with one another without their parents intervention, as parents intervention into their relationships is setting them up for unhealthy relationships as adults.

MummyStruggles Fri 15-Mar-19 11:14:29

Obviously, she's not a friend. Kid's tell tales all the time and she needs to realise this. I'd tell her next time, if she has any serious concerns, to take it up with the school.

Newadventure Fri 15-Mar-19 11:14:56

Foooooooooo.. This would piss me off so much. I'd probably let it slide the first time but after that id be telling her to keep quiet.
Sounds like she's putting your dd down at any opportunity and that isn't on.
Tell her you don't want to hear it!

steppemum Fri 15-Mar-19 11:15:08

I would distance the friendship.
It is up to you whether or not you tell her why.
I might reply to one of her texts with - you seem to believe your child with everything they say about mine. But that isn't backed up by school, who are very happy with her. Your own child is not perfect, and does similar things, but you seem to believe none of those happens. I am finding it too exhausting being friends with someone who denies her own child's faults while insist on pointing out every imagined thing they here via gossip about mine. Let's go our separate ways.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Fri 15-Mar-19 11:18:54

Ask your friend if she is also <insert dc age here >?
Then block her.

Shockers Fri 15-Mar-19 11:21:07

Her DD has worked out that gossip will get her mum’s attention. That’s pretty sad.

Margot33 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:28:50

Wow that is so childish! Next time she sends you messages about what your child's supposed to have done/said. Just say, " Im not interested thanks. But if you have any concerns then talk to school." I had a friendship from my childrens school which soured. Due to the mother shouting at me and my (5/6) daughter that she was bullying her son. After all the screaming stopped I just turned my back and walked away. I needed to sit down calmly with my daughter and find out what happened. She said," nothing, he's just not nice so we don't play with him" The next day I spoke with school to ask if there was an issue that needed dealing with. It turned out her son was bullying other children and they were now retaliating! They had a word with my 'friend' and she ended up changing schools. Because her son would never do anything bad!!! Some parent's are bat shit crazy about their kids that they have to fight their battles for them!!!

Fatasfook Fri 15-Mar-19 11:33:06

This is why I don’t do ‘friends’

QueenoftheBiscuitTin Fri 15-Mar-19 11:37:21

As pp said, just repeat 'It didn't happen' until she gets the message and shuts up.

Purplecatshopaholic Fri 15-Mar-19 11:39:01

She is not your friend....

RearEnded00 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:40:19

Gah!!! I hate this!! She's not a friend. She has competitive mother syndrome and will spend her time constantly making out to you that her child is so much better. She's also a gossip.

Rather than spell all this out in a text and give her more fodder, I would just quietly withdraw from involvement and give her a little opportunity as possible to carry on her games, unless she directly contacts you with something and then Margot33's reply is a good one.

You will find that you are not the only person she does this too. Focus on the nice people that your DD could play with and make sure she has interests outside of school. Best of luck.

Stifledlife Fri 15-Mar-19 11:40:36

Reply "..and you're telling me this because..?"

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 11:41:22

I'm am just so surprised at her, we were friends before kids so never, ever thought she would be like this! I am moving away from this friendship which is a shame but she has now started meeting mutual friends without asking me.... so I am assuming it is so she can talk about me/my kid. And actually..... I feel relieved not sad!

Rainbunny Fri 15-Mar-19 11:43:16

Back away from her OP, she sounds toxic and I hate to say it but her child likely will grow up with these tendencies, hell she's already encouraging her child to tell tales to her. Hopefully your child will not want anything to to do with this other child and will naturally drift away from her.

FizzyGreenWater Fri 15-Mar-19 11:44:06

Be relieved!

She isn't a friend.

But yes, the temptation to text back 'Didn't happen lol' would be immense!!!

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 11:44:17

RearEnded00 - Competitive mother syndrome - You are spot on!!

Blink1982 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:45:46

I had a woman like this. Teachers were telling me it was nothing but everytime her son mentioned anything it was gospel.

She screamed the playground down one day and was sending furious abuse to me on fb, whatsapp text everything. Her son said mine had punched hers in the face, thats what she then told everyone who would listen.

Teachers said my son was spinning round on the spot and her son walked into his arm while he was spinning. No punch.

Half a year later shes apologised but still tried to say ds has adhd or something. She can fuck off. I stop at hi/bye to keep the peace.

Milicentbystander72 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:45:59

I think it's possible she somehow feels in competition with you. It's buts but deep down I reckon it's why she's acting this way.

I am still close friends with my ante-natal mums (25 years on!). They never put my dcs down or tell tales about them but there is a slight element of competition. First it was toddler milestones, then Primary School reading levels, now GCSE's and how popular each child is. It's not nasty but it's definitely there.

I think because she knew you before dcs and they are the same age, at the same school. She just feels like she has to be 'best' and her child is a reflection on her.

Def distance yourself. No-one needs a 'friend' like that.

Milicentbystander72 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:46:53

Buts = crazy.

Milicentbystander72 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:47:38

Heck! Not 25 years on either!......15 years on.

blush

MRex Fri 15-Mar-19 11:55:03

I'd cut contact; something like "You seem to be over-invested in your DD's playground gossip and tall tales. Please do not send me any more messages. If you have concerns about your DD then talk to the school."

I would also arrange to meet the other mutual friends and let them know you'd rather meet separately from her for a while until she gets past this odd phase she's going through.

CassettesAreCool Fri 15-Mar-19 11:57:36

Hell is other parents sometimes OP. I would cut her out, and give some thought to getting some distance between your DC too, this woman sounds toxic.

mbosnz Fri 15-Mar-19 12:01:23

Gosh, your 'friend' has quite the little tattle tale for a child, doesn't she? Most unappealing in a child. Even worse in an adult. . .

Zilla1 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:02:07

If you want a quiet life, then quietly distance yourself as most posters have suggested.

I could not send the following myself but if you want to light a blue touch paper and can cope with the fallout then a quick way to put a stop to this at the cost of an explosion would be to reply to the next incident that you are sure is wrong with something along the lines of,

'Have checked with school/other parents and, as with the previous incidents, it didn't happen. I'm so worried for you both. I wonder why your child feels the need for more attention by making things up. You know your child better than anyone but have you thought of spending more time with your DC doing positive things so they feel a little more secure? Sending you hugs and expect things will improve for you both quickly.

mummmy2017 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:03:19

We played a someone like this
It cost her a heck of a lot of money, my child decided to tell the other child about her Disney 3 week holiday in Florida...
House with a pool, flying first class...
I had no idea my 9 year old was saying this until the mum phoned to tell me they were flying out, as she had booked and pay for the holiday, asking which date I was booking...
I took great joy in telling her, what you meant the fantasy holiday, my child loves planning for fun...
I did heard when she came home it had not be worth the money. .

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 12:11:05

Zilla1 - This made me lol and I am so tempted....
mummy2017 - Love this! smile

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 12:13:03

Thanks for your comments, you are all right! I have remembered things that I had forgotten - She used to invite the assumed clever kids round to play after school to see which book band they were on! I think this is more about her than the children!

BollocksToBrexit Fri 15-Mar-19 12:13:30

I constantly get messages from my friend about what DS is up to in school, but not like you get. Mine usually go along the lines of 'Saw MiniBTB at school today do x, omg he's so funny, he had everyone in stitiches'. Or 'My DS said MiniBTB helped him with his maths today, he's so clever, you must be so proud'. Kind of thing.

Your 'friend' doesn't sound like much of a friend by comparison.

MRex Fri 15-Mar-19 12:16:39

I love @Zilla1's reply. Do it, do it, do it!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Fri 15-Mar-19 12:18:32

I would keep pushing it back to her and not engage "You should take that up with the school, they are in the best position to know the facts". If she says that you should do something about it then tell her that it happened in school so it should be dealt with in school. Give the impression that you couldn't be any less interested in her DD's tales.

Collaborate Fri 15-Mar-19 12:21:16

Next time she tells you what her child has said perhaps tell her some of the things your child has said about her, and ask whether you should believe your child as she seems to believe hers.

steppemum Fri 15-Mar-19 12:25:04

Blink1982

I have a very similar situation, only it is ongoing. 3 times she has screamed in my child's face that she is bullying her child. One time my child was alone at the playground and she was so agressive (and swearing) that another mother came to tell me and we reported it to the police. Twice it was in front of an adult and the head escorted her off the premises.
School are baffled. The girls are alternatively friends and enemies, all incidents are tit for tat, all low scale stuff, sometimes from one side sometimes from the other, all minor
(eg one time when my dd was supposed to have punched hers and school did nothing, so she screamed at dd in the playground, it turns out her dd elbowed mine, and mine poked her back and the teacher said - 'girls stop it' and they did!)

Her dd has been caught out lying and accusing my dd (eg she was supposed to have hurt the younger brother in the playground, when she was inside helping tidy up) but according to mum she never lies and it is my dd who causes trouble.
dd is now year 6 and the very best thing is they will be going to different schools, and we will be well away from batshit mother.

Some parents are just in cloud cuckoo land when it comes to their dcs

BlueMerchant Fri 15-Mar-19 12:38:06

Eurgh. I know the 'type'. I had one such school mum 'friend'. Trying to compete and sending texts saying things like " my DD is on level 5 reading book. My dd says your DD is only on 4. Why?" and saying "your DD tried to get my DD into trouble today! DD said so" etc etc etc. Sad thing was my DD was way ahead at school and this woman (it became apparent over the months) was obviously jealous as she had a boring life and a badly behaved dd with dreadful manners so she tried to drag my DD down.
I told her to take it up with the school and started totally ignoring the texts and being busy when she tried to invite herself and awful child to my house( we were never invited to her home).She rarely bothers me now. At school pick up I just smile.

Hamandcrispsandwich Fri 15-Mar-19 12:48:30

I knew two people like this. One had a son who was so 'gifted' that she was told at every parents evening since reception that he could sit his GCSE's tomorrow and would get straight A's. Her child was always better than everyone elses. He was also an incredibly rude little boy and every single time he was rude, she'd sit, smile sweetly and say 'See, he's just so adorable, I am so lucky to have this clever boy as my son'

Another one who had a DD who could do no wrong. She was caught multiple times pushing children into walls, stamping all over their feet, spitting in the playground, damaging peoples coats/uniform/bags. Every single time someone complained about her child, she would scream and shout in the playground, scream at parents, scream at children, wait for them outside the gates.

I don't speak to either of them anymore and i'm so glad!

M3lon Fri 15-Mar-19 13:04:40

zilla that is evil genius levels of passive aggressive! Sent chills down my spine!

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Fri 15-Mar-19 13:14:26

Be prepared for secondary school. I had a dm stand ranting on my doorstep for an hour about how awful my dd had treated her ds.
Apparently he can't eat /sleep and is too embarrassed to go to school after he cried when dd dumped him.
They are 12 btw...
I think I was just too tired (7pm on a Fri after a long week) and too stunned to shut the door in her face!!

Yabbers Fri 15-Mar-19 13:31:10

I’m the other mum except I haven’t said anything. Other mum (who I know but we’re not at the friend stage) talks a lot about how brilliant her daughter is and how nice and kind and sensitive. This girl has been a real PITA not only to my DD but to others in the group. There’s a lunchtime group they are all in which everyone wants to leave because of this girl’s behaviour. The mum simply wouldn’t believe this girl is capable of it.

I wouldn’t dismiss it as gossip. Kids tell tales all the time, but notice how those kids are never our kids.

Raspberrytruffle Fri 15-Mar-19 13:36:03

Just repeat in a jokey manner, no one likes a snitch then ignore wink

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 13:47:45

Yabbers - Most of the things have/probably have happened, some of the things she tells me about don't involve her child at all. It's every little thing. Your DD didn't eat her lunch today. My DD said your DD was upset today. My DD said your DD finds maths tricky. My DD said your DD had her name moved onto the rain cloud for talking etc etc. My DD said your DD fell out with X today. I could go on on and on and on. One time she told me that my DD had been really cruel to X. I went in to see the teacher and made a complete fool of myself as she had no idea what I was talking about!!

twoshedsjackson Fri 15-Mar-19 14:04:04

I don't think you did make a complete fool of yourself,*mummyodell*, if it's any consolation. Rather, you have inadvertently drawn attention to what is going on - or confirmed the teacher's suspicions.
We used to say to parents, "If you promise to take what your child says about school with a pinch of salt, we promise to do the same about what your child says about what's going on at home," (Blushes at the memory of baffled mummy wondering why I was congratulating her about the forthcoming happy event; her daughter was so desperate to be a big sister, that she hoped that wishing would make it so.......luckily, the non-expectant mum had a sense of humour.....)

NanooCov Fri 15-Mar-19 14:09:05

Is any of it true though? Is it "tales" or "lies"?

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 14:10:35

Oh god there's a woman like this who's the mum of a boy in my eldest's class. She doesn't realise all kids come home telling tales of the naughty things other kids have done. She literally thinks every other kid in the class is a sociopath and hers is an angel. Overtime there's a minor argument involving her son she takes it VERY seriously and believes her son's account to the letter. I'm lucky in that mine doesn't play much with her son so I don't get the brunt of it.

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 14:15:06

In terms of actual advice I'd either ignore it point blank or just reply with something passive aggressive "Oh they do love telling tales at that age don't they! I won't repeat the things I've heard!"

mummyodell Fri 15-Mar-19 14:15:31

NanooCov - Its a mixture of both. Yes, DD did get her name moved for talking..... but it happens to someone most days.... why did my friend feel the need to tell me that? If I need to know something the teacher will tell me. I find it annoying that my friend messages me or talks to be about everything that happens. It's not just my DD, she believes everything her DD tells her about every child in the class. Some of the things are crazy and they absolutely would not of happened. But it's always has to be true if her DD has told her.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 15-Mar-19 14:17:53

She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh, I would distance myself from her.

BumbleBeee69 Fri 15-Mar-19 14:27:14

She's a Bitch OP, not a friend. I'm glad you're distancing yourself from this crackerjack. flowers

Amoregentlemanlikemanner Fri 15-Mar-19 14:27:31

this is funny!

"We played a someone like this
It cost her a heck of a lot of money, my child decided to tell the other child about her Disney 3 week holiday in Florida...
House with a pool, flying first class...
I had no idea my 9 year old was saying this until the mum phoned to tell me they were flying out, as she had booked and pay for the holiday, asking which date I was booking...
I took great joy in telling her, what you meant the fantasy holiday, my child loves planning for fun...
I did heard when she came home it had not be worth the money. ."

Tamalpais Fri 15-Mar-19 14:34:20

Helicopter parenting combined with Angel Child Syndrome is a really bad combination. I made a formal complaint to school about another parent after she called me up accusing my child of "assaulting" hers after school, on school grounds (this was in Reception...). It wasn't the first time she was batshit but it was the last time. After my complaint, the school pulled CCTV and proved her wrong - it was actually her child who attacked mine. I went low contact with her, our kids are actually still friends years later though.

Am currently going through another situation where a parent wants to discuss my child vs. hers. My line is simple: handle it through the school. Funnily enough the school is now becoming exasperated with the parent, but it's for them to deal with. Not my circus, not my monkeys, as the saying goes...

My advice is to follow your child's needs and wants. If she wants to be friends with this mother's child, then that's a whole different road to walk than if she doesn't want to be friends. I suspect her mother is going to sabotage some of her DD's friendships and that'll be something for her DD to deal with at some point. Just pat yourself on the back that YOU'RE not the overinvested one, and maybe suggest a hobby other than gossip for this mother to take up next time you talk... maybe grab a flyer about a local book club or similar ;)

Aeroflotgirl Fri 15-Mar-19 14:46:30

No none of my friends do this, she is not a good friend at all.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Fri 15-Mar-19 14:52:02

Hee Hee zilla nice one.
OP.. those texts sound really intrusive and also a bit obsessive. That would drive me crackers. I think you've been very patient so far. I think I'd copy them in case you need to show them to the class teacher so they are aware what is going on and then just don't reply to any of them.

FizzyGreenWater Fri 15-Mar-19 14:52:29

'Friend, do you realise that in the past month you've sent me 34 messages letting me know what my six year old is doing according to... another six year old? Look, I really don't care about rain clouds and lunches - suggest you take a step back too. Otherwise you're in for a looooong next ten years!'

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 15:07:18

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

I used to give my kids a bollocking for telling me tales about other kids like that.

Honest to God I'd even stop them in their tracks and remind them that if they're about to start telling tales "just because" and for no reason they'd be in shit so should think first before they start.

Hate kids doing that I'm amazed you've put up with this from your friend up to this point.

Just say to her "OK so what do you want me to do? If you're telling me all this cos it's upsetting or bothering you then say what's bothering you and what do you want me to do about it? Otherwise I'm not interested"

atlastifoundit Fri 15-Mar-19 15:08:00

"Oh, really? It's funny, my dc never mentions yours at all"

Parly Fri 15-Mar-19 15:22:25

I was called into school when mine were in primary school once and it turned out was because this girl's mother was complaining that my daughter wouldn't play with hers on the yard.

Actually asked me into school over it and this grown woman sat there like a little bitch trying to get this taken seriously.

"Your daughter won't play with mine on the yard"

Me - "Yeah I know.. they don't like each other"

"Well no my daughter said she feels bullied and that your daughter won't play or join in games if she's playing and I don't think it's right"

Me - "Why?"

Silence from both the Mother and the teacher

"Seriously... why don't you think it's right? What do you want me to do?"

"Well don't you think you should be telling your daughter to behave nicer and treat people with more respect?"

"No. She and your daughter clash and as it happens your daughter is the one causing the grief and drama and deliberately making her friends feel they have to choose one or the other. She's been a piece of work since the day she joined the school so I just told her to stay out the way of her and not get drawn into the sort of thing you're pulling here. If you want me to tell my daughter she has to shut up and put up with a girl she doesn't like or force her to play and be around her when she would rather not be anywhere near - you're in for a long wait. I am not forcing either of my kids to be friends with people they don't like. If they're bullying and being nasty about it then that's an entirely different story and they'd know about it but if they just choose politely not to play with or get embroiled with drama I'm not interested"

Your friend sounds like her.

ClownpantsKate Fri 15-Mar-19 15:42:52

If the classes get mixed up each year ask if your DD can be in the other class as the mum has "issues" with your child!

CoraPirbright Fri 15-Mar-19 16:41:00

why did my friend feel the need to tell me that? If I need to know something the teacher will tell me.

I think you have just typed out your very own perfect reply!! Obvs put ‘you’ in place of ‘my friend’ and job’s a good ‘un.

NanooCov Fri 15-Mar-19 16:50:53

Sorry my question re "tales" or "lies" cross posted with your earlier reply to Yabbers. Sounds like the woman is a gossip and her kid is following in her footsteps. I think a stock response of "The teacher will let me know if there's anything I need to know thanks" will suffice every time. Or just ignore completely.

krankykittykat Fri 15-Mar-19 17:28:52

Time to find a new friend.
Ditch the bitch.

Fishwifecalling Fri 15-Mar-19 17:46:26

*"Oh they do love telling tales at that age don't they! The teacher will let me know if there's anything I need to know thanks"

Stawp Sat 16-Mar-19 17:57:21

Your "friend" and her daughter sound as delightful as a rotten tuna sandwiches.

Sarahrellyboo1987 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:18:56

I would just respond with “it’s bullshit lies. Perhaps your daughter gets the habit from you? I’m done with this relationship and will be blocking your number”

Serin Sat 16-Mar-19 18:23:56

OP she sounds awful but your post has infuriated me. How can you let her get away with constantly criticising your DD. I mean this as nicely as possible but you need to defend your child before she grows up and realises that you were too scared of offending others to stand in her corner.

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 16-Mar-19 18:24:31

I'd probably have fun with this, but then I'm an evil cow. I'd be responding with 'Such an imagination your daughter has, she'l probably be a novelist when she grows up ...'.

As has already been said, this woman is no friend of yours. Not anymore.

Ravenesque Sat 16-Mar-19 18:28:39

There was a mum at my primary school, i.e. when I was a child, who was a bit like this but worse. How she got away with it all I have no idea, but her behaviour was out and out, over the top, scary mental.

I liked her daughter, her daughter liked me and for ages her mentalism had no impact on me at all but did on another friend's family and it was pretty horrific. Then my father died and for some reason she used this against my little brother and me, but mostly me. This was in the seventies, so excuse "really bad parenting leaving your child alone, the horror!" My mum needed to make more money after being widowed, so for two hours a day, but not every day, she was a barmaid in a pub, five minutes from our home. I could call her there if something was wrong at home and she would come straight home. I think I must have been a very mature ten year old although I became a very emotionally immature teenager/adult, so who knows! So her "game" to play was to call us when she knew my mother was working and breathe heavily down the phone and say "Raven, it's your daddy, I'm dying, I need water."

Some people are just fucking bad to the core. I don't know if she was normal before she had children, but she was certainly a monster when she did have them. The situation got sorted, the police were involved, but she then went on to harassing my "aunt" - actually my mum's cousin - who lived a couple of doors down from her.

Break all contact with her, tell the school about her stupid behaviour and look forward to your daughter being at a different school next year. The daughter of the monster and I went to different schools and that was the last we knew of what the mentalist was up to.

jasmine1971 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:34:56

OP, I really don't think this lady is your friend. Fill your life with the people that bring you happiness and joy :-)

HomeMadeMadness Sat 16-Mar-19 18:35:27

I also agree with PP parents who encourage their kids to tell tales by revelling in the minor misdemeanors of other people's kids really aren't doing their child any favours. I'm very clear with both of mine - you only tell to get someone out of trouble not into it. By all means tell me if you think your friend needs adult help but not just so you can get them in trouble.

jade9390 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:35:28

Yes, as others have said, it sounds like a competitive mother. She also sounds like she does not have much of a life and over interested in other people's.

HomeMadeMadness Sat 16-Mar-19 18:35:53

@Ravenesque WTAF that woman sounds like she is a sociopath.

Boysey45 Sat 16-Mar-19 18:40:18

Friend sounds a bit not all there/ a trouble causer. What I'd say is like others have said I don't get involved or want to hear any more kids tittle tattle. I'm too busy please don't text me or contact me with anymore of this. Thanks.

OutOntheTilez Sat 16-Mar-19 18:47:03

Jesus. OP, she is no friend of yours. She’s using her child and your child to make herself feel better. She’s competitive and pathetic. Next time she texts you to blab, text back that you are not interested, she can take up any issues with the school, and you will be ignoring her future texts of this sort. Then ignore her texts; don’t even read them, just delete them right away. If you see her face-to-face and she starts spouting some BS, cut her off immediately and tell her to take it up with the school. Then walk away. If she keeps approaching you with her crap, say, “You know, it’s really pathetic that you need to use children to make yourself feel superior. Now stop harassing us.” Come to think of it, that might work pretty well in a text, too.

My SIL is like this, except she’s way more subtle. But it’s there. Unfortunately, her husband and children have turned into her: Very snarky, superior and entitled. It’s draining to be around them.

Your shoulders will be lighter when you dump this burden.

Ravenesque – Good God, what a nightmare that woman was. Yes, a complete sociopath.

HappyBumbleBee Sat 16-Mar-19 18:49:43

I've had this - sadly not by a friend but family member 😔 I've always buried the hurt and not bothered reporting back on my younger family member to his mum as the one and only time I did, I and my child were virtually called liars and claims it never happened etc

Dimsumlosesum Sat 16-Mar-19 18:51:17

No. Absolute immature dramallama. You don't need that pathetic shit in your life.

youarenotkiddingme Sat 16-Mar-19 18:52:45

It's easy. Just reply same way she did verbally or by text.

"Never happened".

If she argues just say well she felt able to say that and you do too.

Oh, and she's no friend.

AgathaF Sat 16-Mar-19 19:02:21

As others have said, distance. Might also be worth saying that her DD is a right little tell-tale!

Alittlebitofthat Sat 16-Mar-19 19:07:23

I haven’t read the full thread and apologies if this has already been suggested but perhaps is your child doing better at school academically than hers or perceived to be by her so this is her way of feeling better about herself and her child?

youarenotkiddingme Sat 16-Mar-19 19:07:31

O will add both the child and mum are probably extremely insecure.

The things you report are usual everyday things in primary school.

My friends DD's are/were the same. She hung off their every word. She would actively despise these children and tell me all about how dreadful they were even when I'd try and rationalise the behaviour as pretty standard!
Then her DDs would befriend them and she'd be all over how they age the nicest most popular children in school and can't get enough of her children and always invite them places.

Both now have extreme anxiety and school refusal issues. Secondary school is a scary place for these kids when they stop being able to rise to centre stage as are in year groups the size of their previous school with various different teachers who they don't have time to schmooze and will make snap judgements on what they see.

My ds (with autism) OTOH will also fill me in on everyone's movements that day including his own misdemeanours.
He doesn't require any acknowledgement of speaking or a response.
He just likes to regale facts grin

I think some kids will repeat and tell stories of school day. Burt its how adults react to the information and what they make of the information that drives the child's feelings and behaviours further.

StrangeLookingParasite Sat 16-Mar-19 19:14:27

So her "game" to play was to call us when she knew my mother was working and breathe heavily down the phone and say "Raven, it's your daddy, I'm dying, I need water."

Jesus wept. What. A. Bitch.

Brocks1981 Sat 16-Mar-19 19:30:25

I remember when I was at school there was a girl who could do no wrong, in primary school she told her mum tales every night about me and her mum would repeat them back to my mum or dad in the working men's club. My parents soon realised she was just a shit stirrer cos it went from "Brocks got told off", "Brocks got put on report for throwing things" to "Brocks got pulled outof class" and no matter how much my mum n dad argued her mum woukdnt have it that she was lying. Even when my mum would point out obvious things like I couldn't have been sent out of reading class that afternoon because our journal was always signed with a date and time stating how well we did. I remember it carried on into secondary school and sadly she was in the same class. When her DD told her Id been excluded for fighting with my cousin (all she had seen was me holding my cousin who was about to fall during a siezure, which I recognised and a teacher shouting "Whats going on here" before ushering the rest of the class out barring me n cousin" her mum didnt believe a word of what my dad told her and insisted her DD had said that Id asssaukted my cousin so badly she was off school with her injuries. Until she was well and truly shown up next day when we had a parents assembly and the headteacher called me up, this girls mum turned to my mum and said "Oh have they let her back in for the assembley, god she is lucky" my dad argued back but then the headteacher went on to announce how fast I had responded to a medical emergency and had I not done what Id done we xoukd have bewn looking at serious brain damage for my cousin but she was thankfully recovering well in hospital. Then handed me a book voucher as a reward. Her mum could barely look my parents in the face, iromicalky her darling DD was susoended three times after that for similar things she accused me of a d despite her always insisting her darling daughter was a genius she was the only oerson in our year to gwt an Unclassifed mark for three of her GCSE's. You dont need friends like this. Id approach teavhers as in effect its a form of bullying her daughter is lying about your DD to gwt her into trouble and say its been going on for aome time but niw its starting to upset you. Theyll look into what ia the truth n what isnt and make her out to bw the fool she is. Or likw ithwra have aaid juat send messages back saying Never happened.

Ravenesque Sat 16-Mar-19 19:32:56

@HomeMadMadness and @OutOntheTilez, yes, I think she was. The thing that amazed me, even as a child, was that she never got fully charged with anything, never went to prison. Nothing.

It was also the first time in my life that I swore in front of my mum. We had a parents' evening after the calls and the police involvement and blah and our headmistress, a hateful nun, told my mum that we had to be kind to the monster mum because she'd recently had a miscarriage. My mum replied that maybe we should be kinder to children who'd just lost their father and were being tortured by the monster. As we walked away I said - about the headmistress - "What a fucking cow!" then hand over my mouth, lots of sorries and my mum laughed and told me I shouldn't use the word, but yes, she was a fucking cow.

Many years later I met the nun again and she was all "oh I always knew you'd do well" pretending that she'd never been an utter cow to me - on more occasions than the above - and I said and I always knew you were a c-word. I swear a lot, lot, LOT less these days. smile

ShowMeTheKittens Sat 16-Mar-19 19:34:12

Is that a 'friend'? Wow, she sounds horrible.

MadeForThis Sat 16-Mar-19 19:47:15

Just send her a message saying that you are trying to teach your dd not to tell tales. It would be nice if she could lead by example.

But really send the message implying her dd needs more attention please 😁

PreseaCombatir Sat 16-Mar-19 19:52:59

Fuck that shit, it’s exhausting.
I actually had to distance myself from one of my close friends because of her behaviour with the kids, her dd used to hit mine constantly, but instead of disciplining her, it would be all ‘come on girls, let’s play nicely’
You don’t need that in your life

Tommo75 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:03:12

I've always wanted to hear both sides of any story and have never just taken my DCs word when there has been any issues with other children. It's a shame your friend only believes one side of any tale. Her child will grown up entitled. She's not doing her any favours. Disappointed for you that she's not the friend you thought she was.

TheRollingCrone Sat 16-Mar-19 20:10:14

Yep -I've had one like this OP - ambushed at a party after they had broken up for summer holidays. My dd had bullied hers since reception apparently (they were going into yr3 that September). It had gotten so bad the teacher had 'given her daughter a sheet to fill out, every time my child was nasty'.
I was lucky enough to get in to see the head on the Monday - nothing of the sort had been happening 'the sheet is a tool - if we listened to every tittle tattle from 5/6/7 yrs old teachers would never get through a lesson and some children are more prone to this than others'

I was so angry - avoided the mother since. The girl is still quite controlling and likes a group of 3 so she can leave someone out.
Interestingly I once spoke to a psychologist who said children who persist in unimportant 'tittle tattles' are quite often highly controlled at home...
Unfortunately they are off to the same high school in September - a bigger cohort I'm hoping will mean their paths seldom cross.

The friend isn't your friend OP - she's an utter fruit loop.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 16-Mar-19 20:30:10

Ravenesque that’s shocking but I do like your sweary come back.

OP I agree with others to shut it down in a low key way. Hope you can go back to being actual friends and she’s not a pain in the arse about everything else.

nuxe1984 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:48:31

She's jealous of your child. And she's not a friend.
Block her number so she can't text you and have minimal contact with her.
What sort of adult would behave like this? And what sort of example is she setting her own child?

manicmij Sat 16-Mar-19 21:33:51

I live in a small estate 100 houses, and there a quite a number of children from birth to teens. The gossip I hear from parents about others' children leaves me thinking they are all out of control yet the parents all say they rule with a rod. Seems most parents think they are raising little angels and others have little fiends. When it comes to teens, the lot here seem to be incarnations of Jesus Christ according to the parents. Leave the squabbles for the kids to sort out, bullying excepted of course.

Dillydallyalltheway Sun 17-Mar-19 08:55:27

I really dislike parents like this, I know a mother who is seriously deluded by her children’s behaviour. She would absolutely refuse to see that her children had any bad behaviour at all, it’s so bad that, if she went into her sons bedroom and he was standing there will a blooded knife and someone was laying on the floor after being stabbed to death, she would still say her child wouldn’t have done it.

smackbangwhollop Sun 17-Mar-19 11:55:31

Some bridges you have to burn for your own sanity, unless you like the drama. What purpose does this friendship serve? There's no way this fits my definition of a 'friendship'. I would slowly withdraw and make plausible excuses.

bubblegumunicorn Sun 17-Mar-19 15:18:35

She sounds like my friends mum - totally competitive parenting she still corners my mum in the supermarket to tell her how amazing her children are (yes still calls them children and they still live at home and act like children 28 and 25) me and my mum giggle about it now as its so lame! You won't be the only parent she does this too and before too long she will icolate her DCs as parents can't be bothered with the nonsense!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »