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to be a bit ambivalent about the Pads4Dads campaign..

(187 Posts)
BertrandRussell Fri 15-Mar-19 08:51:57

[ here]

On the one hand, obviously it’s great for fathers to be more involved and understanding, and obviously some girls don’t have a mum or an aunt or anyone. But I can’t help thinking that it’s all a bit cosmetic-a bit “hey look what a cool dad I am buying tampax” Ticking the “good dad” box. And what’s wrong with some things being women only anyway?

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole Fri 15-Mar-19 18:23:22

I mentioned it to DH and he was amazed something like this would be necessary.

Same. He said he found it quite patronizing tbh, and said the kind of dad who would need stuff like this was never realistically going to talk to their daughter about it anyway.

Weetabixandshreddies Fri 15-Mar-19 18:24:03

I asked because I wondered what other people were discussing with their 9 year old boys that I waan’t.
Well you can see above. Obviously a bit more than your "growing and body changes".

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole Fri 15-Mar-19 18:26:39

But on the other hand I can imagine some men strutting into a shop and thinking they are the dogs bollocks for buying tampons and being all "look at me checkout ladies, buying Tampax for my daughter"

Haha, I can seriously see this kind of thing happening grin

BertrandRussell Fri 15-Mar-19 18:34:22

The stuff about emotional needs and mental health and consent are not specific to boys or specific to puberty. They are part of the daily discourse of functional families.

OddCat Fri 15-Mar-19 18:39:39

Anything to educate men about this sort of stuff is a good thing I guess . But Shouldn't a father of girls know about periods anyway ?
Presumably the woman that he produced the girls with had periods and used sanitary protection?

JustDanceAddict Fri 15-Mar-19 18:46:50

My dh has bought me tampons but gets confused re the variety!! He has to WhatsApp the box. He’s sympathetic to teen DD when she’s on too, as my dad was with me.

CheshireChat Fri 15-Mar-19 18:50:15

TBF DP is perfectly aware I have periods and will happily buy me stuff, but he wouldn't have a clue how often they need changing, types etc. He was surprised headaches can be a symptom quite recently.

SleepingSloth Fri 15-Mar-19 18:53:37

I still think that if possible the “lead person” should be of the same sex.

But why? That's exactly what we need to stop, this huge divide between boys and girls, men and women that then transfers into a divide between husband and wife, father and daughter and mother and son. By saying mum has to do the chat with daughters and dad has to do the chat with sons if possible, you just confirm that it's something that should be kept private to the same sex.

BarbarianMum Fri 15-Mar-19 18:57:02

Believe me, I would love dh to take the lead with puberty stuff with our boys. Unfortunately he comes from a family where this stuff (bodies/puberty/sex/relationships) is simply not discussed. At all. Ever.

This has led to some interesting discussions- like which parent was better equipped to show them how to pee standing up (age 3). hmm In more recent years we've argued about who should bring up the 'cleaning under the foreskin' thing. Neither of us has a foreskin mind you, but I did - everntually-- convince him that it might be best coming from him.

Dh is exactly the sort of man padsfordads is aimed at. Or would be if we had a dd.

SleepingSloth Fri 15-Mar-19 18:57:12

The stuff about emotional needs and mental health and consent are not specific to boys or specific to puberty.

They are not but boys/men are stereotypically told to be strong, not show emotion, not talk about feelings. For girls being emotional, letting your feelings out and talking are encouraged.

PlatypusPie Fri 15-Mar-19 19:07:55

I think this initiative sounds like a great idea . I had a father who approached the matter with 11 yr old me calmly and kindly when my mother was away for an extended time ( in the 70s) and my DH was equally matter of fact and sympathetic to me and our DDs but I can appreciate that that isn’t case at all for many girls and women.

Ihuntmonsters Fri 15-Mar-19 19:41:53

My dh has always been great about periods. He was amazed back when we were at university how many guys didn't even know when their girlfriends had their periods, forget how to be supportive about pain etc. He has never been bothered about buying pads etc and often was the one running a bath for me or for dd. We both grew up in female heavy families but his sisters talked about periods where in my family my mother made us hide any evidence just in case my father became aware that we had our periods.

There are aspects of this campaign I don't liike, but the central premise of providing targeted information to fathers is a good one. Personally I'd have quite liked something for mums of boys as while I chatted with my ds about the generic and emotional side of growing up I didn't feel prepared enough to talk about his more intimate body changes (ie I chatted to him about hair growth, voice dropping etc but not penis changes) and for some reason dh pretty much refused to.

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