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to be a bit ambivalent about the Pads4Dads campaign..

(187 Posts)
BertrandRussell Fri 15-Mar-19 08:51:57

[https://www.heygirls.co.uk/pads-for-dads/ here]

On the one hand, obviously it’s great for fathers to be more involved and understanding, and obviously some girls don’t have a mum or an aunt or anyone. But I can’t help thinking that it’s all a bit cosmetic-a bit “hey look what a cool dad I am buying tampax” Ticking the “good dad” box. And what’s wrong with some things being women only anyway?

Babdoc Fri 15-Mar-19 09:17:52

There used to be very definite stigma and embarrassment about purchasing sanpro in the 1970’s.
When I was ill, my boyfriend (later DH) went to Boots to buy tampons for me. The girl on the till raised her eyebrows at him and pulled a puzzled smirk.
DH was autistic, so lacked the social conditioning and embarrassment of the times. He beamed and explained cheerily:” It’s okay, they’re not for me. I haven’t got a nosebleed or anything!”
The girl apparently turned crimson and hastily flung them in a bag!
I think all dads should learn to be matter of fact about periods. Girls have enough sexist shit to cope with growing up, without having to hide sanpro from men and be ashamed of menstruation.

BertrandRussell Fri 15-Mar-19 09:18:00

Of course men and boys should know about periods. And of course men shout be cool about buying “supplies”- my dad was and he was born in 1918!. And when I said “women only” I didn’t mean women’s secrets. I’m finding it hard to explain my ambivalence. I suppose I think there are loads of ways men should be encouraged to be better dads before this particular one. Nitcombing4dads. Fillinginfamilycalendar4dads. Christmasshopping4dads.
<Awaits barrage of my dp is the best nitcomber EVER! posts>

thecatsthecats Fri 15-Mar-19 09:19:06

These men aren't only dads. They are men with female friends, female bosses, and female employees. Damn right they should understand about periods, and not see them as icky and secret.

My dad was great in general with us on 'female stuff' - in fact, both my parents came from traditional backgrounds, but he really wasn't phased by getting involved in the 'new fangled' girly stuff like clothes and personal care. I remember him grabbing me in M&S to look at some bras because he was more interested in the fact they were on sale for £3 to be worried about being embarrassed, and he was the one who helped me with my blackheads.

Come to think of it, my mum made him ask where my boyfriend would be sleeping when he came to visit! She thoroughly swerved all of that stuff.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 15-Mar-19 09:19:37

4 in 10 Dads never learnt about periods at school

“Only 41% of Dads say they feel comfortable talking about periods with their kids, and nearly half haven’t chatted to their daughters about them”

45% of Dads are unsure what the signs are that a girl might be about to start her period

DoneLikeAKipper Fri 15-Mar-19 09:20:53

It seems no matter what they do, you're going to get angry and be a bit prejudiced about it.

Categorically not. I think it’s unfair to the many men who already manage to not make a big deal of periods, and as I said it’s patronising that they have to have their own ‘special campaign’ to get information that’s already out there. I find it another example of babying and spoon feeding information to blokes that women had to figure out themselves without getting a pat on the head for being so ‘aware’.

ghostyslovesheets Fri 15-Mar-19 09:21:25

See I’m not sure why we need a campaign to educate men about periods- 50% of the population have them and men need to bloody educate themselves (no pun intended) it’s like it’s some magic lady secret we are finally letting them in on

I understand the sentiment but it’s periods not nuclear physics do they need a campaign to understand it?

ghostyslovesheets Fri 15-Mar-19 09:22:27

Or what ‘Done like a kipper’ said

DoneLikeAKipper Fri 15-Mar-19 09:25:05

4 in 10 Dads never learnt about periods at school

I’m not sure what generation we’re talking about here, in every sex education and biology lessons we had from the age of around 10, periods were never discussed with only the girls, they were for everyone (I’m in my 30s now). Either that was only the schools I attended, and 60% of them weren’t listening, or they still don’t teach most boys about periods in schools which definitely needs addressing asap.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Fri 15-Mar-19 09:27:51

yes, isn't this just part of dads being a fully functioning member of the family? Only that's so unusual they need a campaign and a pat on the back?

Sorting out sanpro for daughters is one tiny part of the wifework that so many women do. There's a thread in AIBU right now from a woman about dumping her husband and is it OK for her to leave his family's cards (which she'd always done because he would forget) to him. And the first response is that she should leave it to him - but she should write him out a list.

It's an indication of the absolutely low standards society has of men in a household. And we should be thrilled with the crumbs we get.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Fri 15-Mar-19 09:28:03

Not adding no anything to our list fe experience. Dh is an adult. He knows what a period is and can purchase whatever he likes in shops.

BertrandRussell Fri 15-Mar-19 09:28:50

Another thing- I don’t like this constant use of “bloody”. Not, obviously, because it’s a swear word, but because it seems to be making it ladsy.

diddl Fri 15-Mar-19 09:29:04

"spoon feeding information to blokes that women had to figure out themselves "

Yup-women don't inherently know how to cook, keep a house clean & tidy, look after a newborn-but it seems to be expected of them.

DoneLikeAKipper Fri 15-Mar-19 09:29:35

it’s like it’s some magic lady secret we are finally letting them in on

Actually, this very much summarises my thoughts on the matter. Periods were never a secret, the information was always available, I just don’t understand why it needs to be put in a ‘man-friendly way’ now. Just feels like a bit of a hindrance on progression, for both sex.

BertrandRussell Fri 15-Mar-19 09:29:55

Birthdaycards4dads.....

WorraLiberty Fri 15-Mar-19 09:30:04

I think most people will agree a campaign shouldn't be necessary but from that link, it seems it is.

So imo it's all good.

I grew up with a very old fashioned Irish Catholic mother, who only every referred to periods as 'the other things' and even that was in a half whispered voice grin

So with that in mind, it's no wonder my dad probably doesn't know much about periods and what my brothers know, they learned from their wives and girlfriends.

SleepingSloth Fri 15-Mar-19 09:33:14

I think it's a great campaign and don't see anything to be negative about.

I think it’s unfair to the many men who already manage to not make a big deal of periods, and as I said it’s patronising that they have to have their own ‘special campaign’ to get information that’s already out there.

My OH doesn't make a big deal out of periods and he doesn't think the campaign is unfair or patronising. He knows men that quite frankly are pathetic, squeamish and embarrassed to talk or acknowledge periods so he hopes it helps them become a bit more adult about it. I've never really understood men's embarrassment of periods (or women's) but I know it exists so anything that helps normalise them for those people is only ever going to be a good thing.

Fabaunt Fri 15-Mar-19 09:33:25

I love this campaign. Periods are a fact of life. I think it’s great dads are being made more knowledgeable about periods, because not all girls will have a female in her life, and also, because it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s a natural bodily reaction.
My partner would think nothing of going picking me up a box of tampons or pads. When we have a daughter, I’d be confident that he would do the same for her.

JassyRadlett Fri 15-Mar-19 09:36:32

Perhaps they should rename it Get A Grip For Dads. The information is already out there, if they’re adult enough to look for it

And of course, we should not have campaigns to encourage people to stop smoking, eat better, exercise, save into a pension, pay their tax on time or anything else. Because the info is there if they want to look for it.

Or perhaps campaigns are also about shifting attitudes and behaviour, not just imparting information. 🤔

NewGrandad Fri 15-Mar-19 09:37:25

No one gives a shit that you’re buying Tampax mate, even if you do have a mighty penis

This is part of the problem! I remember in the 70's and 80's being sent to the local shop with a note from my mum. Handed the note over and was given a package back wrapped in newspaper which I dutifully returned to my mum.

Nowadays I don't think twice about buying pads for my wife as long as I know which ones to buy.

Cwtches123 Fri 15-Mar-19 09:38:10

I can see far more things to be positive about than negative - great idea!

JacquesHammer Fri 15-Mar-19 09:38:22

I suppose I think there are loads of ways men should be encouraged to be better dads before this particular one. Nitcombing4dads. Fillinginfamilycalendar4dads. Christmasshopping4dads

See the thing is, decent dads like my ex did all that (apart from nits, we never had a visit grin).

When DD got older he asked me to recommend some brands to have in, in readiness for DD starting her periods. He wasn’t embarrassed, just something he didn’t have first hand experience of. So I said “avoid scented, look for X” etc.

He understands fully how periods work, it was very much about him wanting to make DD as comfortable as possible and therefore asking for advice.

I don’t have any issue with the campaign.

JacquesHammer Fri 15-Mar-19 09:40:29

Interestingly ex-PIL would have been very much a “don’t talk about it type” whereas my dad was always available for chatting, buying tampons etc.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Fri 15-Mar-19 09:40:44

A better campaign would be one that sought to steer women away from setting up home with useless men.

SleepingSloth Fri 15-Mar-19 09:40:55

Yup-women don't inherently know how to cook, keep a house clean & tidy, look after a newborn-but it seems to be expected of them.

But to be fair, many men in past generations have been 'sheltered' from periods. Our mothers did whisper about them because their mothers also did. It was something for women to keep secret. I never have, they're a part of life so my OH isn't embarrassed by them and hopefully my son won't be either. It takes a bit of time to change behaviours and thinking but I think our children's generation will be very different about periods as they are with many other things.

Sparklingbrook Fri 15-Mar-19 09:41:06

Looks like a good thing to me.

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