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Who is BU? Babysitting and siblings

(66 Posts)
GremlinDolphin1 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:39:29

My dd1 (17) has a well established babysitting circuit that she has built up.

My dd2 (14) is now wanting to do some babysitting and has been doing the nights when her elder sister is asked twice.

Dd1 has now decided she wants a cut of when her sister sits! So now dd2 says she won’t sit as she’s not giving her sister money she hasn’t earned although from dd1s point of view, dd2 wouldn’t have the job with out her!!

I think they are both really biting their nose to spite their face but can’t decide if it’s outrageous to take a cut from a sibling or quite a reasonable/enterprising suggestion?

What do you think, hive mumsnet mind?

Dermymc Thu 14-Mar-19 23:41:37

Dd1 is hugely unreasonable. She can't sit therefore the job is available to anyone else.

LadyGregorysToothbrush Thu 14-Mar-19 23:42:05

Your older DD is being a CF. And mean as well.

CalmdownJanet Thu 14-Mar-19 23:43:32

I think dd1 is a greedy money grabbing so and so and she should be told to cop on!!

With an attitude like hers if dd2 does a good job then customers will end up by passing her and just booking dd2 or someone else, it will serve her right but I imagine cause a lot more bother for you, I would tell her to get a grip and not entertain her greed

DramaAlpaca Thu 14-Mar-19 23:43:40

DD1 shouldn't be getting a cut. It's hugely cheeky of her to think she should.

MeteorGarden92 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:44:49

From a business perspective - DD1 is quite right to ask for a cut. People are only letting your DD2 sit as DD1 is unavailable and no doubt ‘recommending’ DD2 for the gig.

DD1 is taking a risk offering her own credibility to DD2. If DD2 were to do a terrible job then DD1 would potentially lose future custom.

I used to work for an tv extra agency and they would find you a job and take a 15% cut- totally normal!

However, this only applies if DD1 found the clients independently. If they were family friends/ friends of yours for example then that is different!

curlykaren Thu 14-Mar-19 23:44:58

Unless your eldest daughter has set up an agency requiring a fee for bookings I think she is probably being unreasonable. If she can't fulfil the request herself then she couldn't make any money and constantly refusing work would eventually lose her customers.

reallybadidea Thu 14-Mar-19 23:45:27

DD2 is actually doing DD1 a favour by sitting for the 'extra' booking - if DD2 wasn't available they might go elsewhere and find a new regular babysitter.

NuffSaidSam Thu 14-Mar-19 23:45:52

DD1 is massively unreasonable.

DD2 is doing her a favour by keeping the job 'in the family'.

Does she think no-one goes out unless she can babysit?! They'll just ask someone else and then she faces losing the job altogether.

Birdsgottafly Thu 14-Mar-19 23:46:29

Totally out of order and it's no way to treat close Family.

DD2 should just now cut her out. Give out her number and let word-of-mouth get her work.

SnowyDaze Thu 14-Mar-19 23:47:33

Your DD1 is being greedy. She’s not operating an employment agency with overheads or unique search criteria

Tavannach Thu 14-Mar-19 23:48:43

DD2 is doing her a favour by keeping the job 'in the family'.

Does she think no-one goes out unless she can babysit?! They'll just ask someone else and then she faces losing the job altogether.

I agree. DD2 is helping her sister out as it means she keeps customers coming back.

MeteorGarden92 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:49:10

🤔 You’re gonna get a lot of people telling you DD1 is wrong. But that’s based 100% on the fact that they are ‘siblings’ and that everyone commenting had forgotten what it was like to be a teenager with a sister!!

Frankly it should encourage DD2 to build her own client list. DD1 had to do that, no one handed her a load of baby sitting jobs!
Older siblings are always expected to do the work, but then hand stuff down to younger siblings. It’s very unfair. During my business degree I actually read stuff about older siblings being proven as better leaders...etc.

Broken11Girl Thu 14-Mar-19 23:53:54

Nope, totally cheeky of your DD1. I have 2 fairly close in age sisters, as teens babysitting jobs were passed around depending on who cba was available. No cuts were involved. DD1 may have a great future in business.

snitzelvoncrumb Fri 15-Mar-19 00:01:01

Dd1 sounds like a great business person! I would tell dd2 to hand out her own number and get her own clients. If Dd2 is smart she should charge less.

FurrySlipperBoots Fri 15-Mar-19 00:03:44

I would tell dd2 to hand out her own number and get her own clients. If Dd2 is smart she should charge less.

If I were you OP I'd advise your eldest to consider this possibility. If she has any sense she'll back track, apologise and continue letting your younger daughter help out without risking her stealing clients away with cheaper rates.

willyougobacktobed Fri 15-Mar-19 00:07:27

DD1 is being unreasonable in this situation but will be an incredible businesswoman one day 🤣

12thofnever Fri 15-Mar-19 00:13:38

Lol in the ‘real’ world that’s very business minded grin
In the family world it’s not really on though

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 15-Mar-19 00:14:37

Where on earth did your eldest get the idea that she is entitled to part of your youngest's earnings from? Just - where? Oh - maybe from here - "I ... can’t decide if it’s outrageous to take a cut from a sibling or quite a reasonable/enterprising suggestion?"

Tell your eldest she's being a greedy little madam, not 'enterprising'. And have a ponder on how you've communicated the idea that exploitation is enterprising.
<hard stare>

BackforGood Fri 15-Mar-19 00:15:56

dd1 is being massively unreasonable.

If she passes the job she can't do on to dd2, then next time the parents want a night out, they'll still contact dd1.
If she turns it down flat and they find someone else, they are as likely to use the 'someone else.

dd1 is being ridiculous. No, I wouldn't give her a cut, and nor would any of my dc give their siblings a cut if they tried to demand one.

Samind Fri 15-Mar-19 00:17:46

If they weren't related but maybe friends, I doubt DD1 would be asking for a cut.

LaBelleSauvage Fri 15-Mar-19 00:20:53

DD1 massively unreasonable. Tell her to stop being a prat.

MarthasGinYard Fri 15-Mar-19 00:27:01

Dd1 could end up being a CF I reckon

BoomBoomsCousin Fri 15-Mar-19 00:32:40

Neither of them is being unreasonable. This is how negotiations work. DD1 has spent years building up a customer base. She has the sense to realize that has value. DD2 has realized if she acquiesces to this she may end up earning less than she could. But she may be wrong. DD1 may not have considered the possibility that DD2 could approach her clients directly and undercut her. There's risk all round.

They need to negotiate and see if they can come to a mutually acceptable agreement. Don't stick your nose in other than to let them know you won't accept bad feeling spilling over into the home.

corythatwas Fri 15-Mar-19 00:35:16

*DD2 is doing her a favour by keeping the job 'in the family'.

Does she think no-one goes out unless she can babysit?! They'll just ask someone else and then she faces losing the job altogether.*

This. DD1 isn't doing this to do dd2 a favour: she is only passing on work she can't take herself, but with customers she wants to keep for the future.

And also this:

If they weren't related but maybe friends, I doubt DD1 would be asking for a cut.*

Thatoneoverthere Fri 15-Mar-19 00:50:47

Your DD1 is shooting herself in the foot, I have 2 sisters so people would call our house cause there was a higher chance of getting someone, its not like we advertised and went out drumming up business, its just word of mouth normally. Plus what happens when its the other way around? I took over some from my older sister (she partied a lot more than me so said no a lot more and younger) but over time had my own but when she came home from Uni in holidays etc I returned the favour.
She wouldn't be looking to take a cut off her mates who's numbers she could have given out just as easily. She's using DD2 to protect her jobs.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 15-Mar-19 01:20:57

Your DD1 is being a greedy, unreasonable cow and you should tell her so. FGS, she is being absolutely ridiculous. Put an end to this right now.

Stompythedinosaur Fri 15-Mar-19 07:00:28

I think dd1 is being really mean spirited.

Nairobe Fri 15-Mar-19 08:45:07

Unreasonable dd1 and potential stupid and not future proofing. Given her age she may well go into higher education, be more restricted during term time to babysit-especially during exam time. She keeps dd2 sweet and encourages her to take on more as she can't with the proviso that outside term time they split the work.

givemesteel Fri 15-Mar-19 08:58:36

I'd be concerned about where my dd1 learned to be so cold and mean to her family.

GremlinDolphin1 Fri 15-Mar-19 10:28:01

Thanks for all your thoughts!

She’s not usually mean but we had a friend for lunch last week whose daughter has set up a babysitting business and I think it had inspired dd1 although her business empire at the moment is only her sister which as you have pointed out doesn’t really work from a business point of view! Xxx

thecatsthecats Fri 15-Mar-19 10:37:52

If DD1 sets up the two of them as an agency, with her charged at 50p more an hour as experienced, all jobs come through her, all advertising, her sister as a freelancer who accepts the jobs given... sure.

Or the little madam could get real with the current situation, which as creditable is, is a teenager being a bit twatty about a casual job.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 15-Mar-19 10:40:08

DD2 is muscling in on DD1's client base.

DD1 could theoretically charge DD2 a finders fee for the business shes pushing her way !

Or they could actually merge resources and assets and split 50/50 - which would be the amiable solution.

blackteasplease Fri 15-Mar-19 10:40:51

Cheeky of dd1. Although I slightly admire her nerve!

LannieDuck Fri 15-Mar-19 10:41:39

DD1 isn't thinking it through. If she wants her sister to get her own clients, she'll be in competition.

At present, DD1 retains control of all the clients. Push DD2 to do it separately, and DD1 might find that she loses some of her clients.

Ozziewozzie Fri 15-Mar-19 10:46:43

I used to cover for my older sister when we were teens and not once did she ask for a cut of the money.
Your dd1 is being selfish. For example, she could never go babysitting again and still make money out of her younger sister!

Your dd2 is excellent, as she is covering whilst her older sister can't make the jobs, therefore keeping the job position going. There's nothing worse than an unreliable babysitter that can't make it on a few occasions. If I had a babysitter like that, I'd find another one.

She either does the grafting or goes without.

Blobby10 Fri 15-Mar-19 11:41:02

Just before I read your update @GremlinDolphin1 I was thinking yes its a bit mean but good on her for showing her potential business acumen grin

Hope it gets resolved to everyone's satisfaction flowers

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 12:36:58

I'd have a chat with both of them at the table and Kay it out. Whilst DD1 is trying to be entrepreneural she's missed that she hasn't added much value.

DD1 - has she paid for advertising, bought a uniform for both, is she guaranteeing DD2 X number of jobs that come in each week or in any way added value? (Likely not!).
She's clearly just passing on jobs she cannot do or doesn't want to do. Which means people still approach her rather than find an alternative babysitter when she can't do it and risk them going to other babysitter first next time.

It seems to me DD2 is adding value to her babysitting business by ensuring people stay with DD1 knowing if she can't do it her sister DD2 may be able to.

My DD2 babysits with a friend. DD2 set it up , I advertise on FB and do the first checks/intros. Mostly the friend can't do it or they babysit together (if 2 or more children or a baby) , rarely when DD2 can't, her friend does the babysit alone. They split fees gained only when they both babysit together, otherwise they each keep what they earn. Her mum and I split lifts to/from if they both babysit which I love! They charge £5/hour minimum fee £15 and £7/hour after 11pm. Non one has asked for later than 12:30 as they are both just under 15.

It's really DD2 that takes the bookings and arranges it all via whatsapp but she wouldn't dream of asking her friend to pay her a cut when she (DD2) can't do it and friend does it instead. They both benefit as DD2 is getting regular customers / repeat business as parents know DD2 can ask friend if she can cover (if they are happy with that on occasion that DD2 isn't available) , so they always come to DD2 first. Customers even say that. DD2 is always 15 mins early as that's good for business 😁.

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 12:38:50

*lay it out, not Kay

Unless DD2 is picking up her sister, then she could ask for contribution to travel, I can only see an equal mutual benefit to both of them if she's handing down work she is double booked for.

NannyRed Fri 15-Mar-19 12:41:22

Your dd1 is being a twat, I don’t blame dd2 for not wanting to give a cut of her earnings.

M4J4 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:57:40

Your dd is being a twat, put your foot down OP.

I suspect she will have her own chain of businesses in the future though, or running franchises grin

M4J4 Fri 15-Mar-19 12:57:54

That would be dd1

PregnantSea Fri 15-Mar-19 13:00:12

Dd1 is being ridiculous. Tell her to stop being so greedy and treat her sister like a sister

steppemum Fri 15-Mar-19 13:05:17

missing the point entirely, your dd2, at 14, is too young to be babysitting.

Drum2018 Fri 15-Mar-19 13:33:43

No way should dd2 have to give dd1 any of her money. Tough shit if dd1 is booked and dd2 gets asked instead.

SilverySurfer Fri 15-Mar-19 13:45:48

DD1 sounds greedy and grabby - not the most desirable of traits. I hope DD2 shows equal 'business savvy' by undercutting her sister's price.

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 14:08:54

@M4J4 😂😂

Chloemol Fri 15-Mar-19 14:18:26

Why haven’t you stopped this! DD1 is being extremely unreasonable and greedy. Surely you can see that and should be speaking to her. If dd1 can’t babysit then the people will simply go elsewhere anyway. Would she get a cut if that baby sitters money, no so why should she get a cut of her sisters. Try asking dd1 how she would feel if this happened to her.she is being mean and you need to stop this now before she goes out into the wider world

AryaStarkWolf Fri 15-Mar-19 14:20:49

DD1 is being unreasonable by a mile. Very greedy of her

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 14:23:41

Like M4J4 indicates, I wouldn't criticise DD1 for.showing entrepreneuralism but I would sit her down and explain the benefits she's getting herself for free rather than have DD2 compete with her, as suggested in my long post at 12:36 today (above).

Toooldtocareanymore Fri 15-Mar-19 14:23:43

dd 1 cant do job sends away dissatisfied customer they ask someone else unrelated, as I assume they don't know about dd2, next time who do they use dd1 who wasn't available or someone else I'd go with the person I used last, dd1 offered job cant do but has replacement handy who they accept so next time who do they ask dd1, that's how id explain it to dd1, she's only thinking of this job which she couldn't do anyway and gets nothing but next job she could loose too, and if dd2 in time builds up her own network she might need dd1's help

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 14:25:35

(I meant M4J4 indicates quite rightly that it's a good future sign DD1 has a business head, even if DD1 has misjudged it this time!)

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 14:26:49

That's a really good way to explain it to DD1

Mookatron Fri 15-Mar-19 14:31:50

I think people should definitely declare where they come in the birth order of their own family before replying grin. Younger sibling here.

I for one think DD1 is being mean and risks losing a back up babysitter.

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 14:49:30

Also, DD1 aged 17 might be going off to uni soon? In a year or so, And she may be glad DD2 keeps up her babysitting business clientele for when she returns for those long summer and Xmas holidays...

Sunonthepatio Fri 15-Mar-19 14:52:17

DD1 is a CF.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Fri 15-Mar-19 15:14:20

i think people should declare where they come in the birth order of their own family before replying grin. Younger sibling here

Older sibling here, my little sister is no longer alive, but I would never have been so mean as to do something like this. It's horrible. My parents would have given me a right telling off as well for trying it on.
Well done to your younger DD for telling her to get lost.

Mookatron Fri 15-Mar-19 15:23:54

Sorry about your little sister, onemorecup. flowers

SilverySurfer Fri 15-Mar-19 16:22:11

I'm the eldest, have never had a great relationship with my younger sister but it would never have occurred to me to take a cut in similar circumstances.

I can't help feeling the OP almost admires DD1 for her greediness.

OffToBedhampton Fri 15-Mar-19 19:08:34

I don't think OP is "admiring her DD1 for being greedy". She asked as she's acknowledging DD1 built up this babysitting clientele and DD1 was trying to make a business argument for taking a cut... .
DD1 needs a talking to that it is counter productive and no added value and how DD2 is helping her, but I don't think you can add 2 and 2 together to make 22 by telling OP she is condoning greediness!

OP asked in MN to get others views as she wasn't sure, and it didn't sit right with her. Jeez pp on AIBU do get carried awayl 🙄

PCohle Fri 15-Mar-19 19:15:26

I agree that DD1 is being unreasonable.

Yes she is referring DD2 for a job that DD2 wouldn't otherwise have, but DD1 is also benefiting by keeping her clients even when she is unavailable.

In your shoes I would be much firmer in telling DD1 it isn't on. Or I'd tell DD2 to undercut DD1's rates with the clients and keep them as her own - see how DD1 feels about it all then.

Waveysnail Fri 15-Mar-19 19:15:52

Tell dd2 to uncut dd1 price wise grin

Friedspamfritters Fri 15-Mar-19 19:18:24

DD1 is Sooooo unreasonable. DD2 is keeping her customers coming back by providing an alternative sitter in the family rather than them going elsewhere and possibly finding another regular sitter.

Peanutbutterforever Fri 15-Mar-19 22:01:48

Dd1 is being horrid. She's not starting up a national franchise, her sister is offering to do jobs her sister can't.

NCforthis2019 Fri 15-Mar-19 23:31:28

Yeah I agree - dd1 will make a good business women one day - however - along the way she has screwed over her little sister, so, if morally she can reconcile that, then great - carry on. I could never ever do that to my sister though - I’m not an asshole. Dd2 must feel quite sad - imagine your big sister taking a cut of your babysitting money, just because she wasn’t available to do it herself.

Crunchymum Fri 15-Mar-19 23:37:54

Tell your DD1 she isn't a pimp !!!!

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