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By not wanting my partner poking me for sex at 4am!

(70 Posts)
Applecrumble79 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:39:02

My partner regularly wakes me up for sex at stupid hours. We have mis matched sex drives however I meet him half way . I enjoy sex with him but sometimes I’m just so tired. I work in excess of 40 hrs a week and don’t always appreciate being poked in the early hours. I have important meetings and need to be alert. When I’m woken after 4am I often don’t fall back to sleep then I’m exhausted the following day! I allow it sometimes to keep the peace but he thinks it’s ok to do it whenever. We have sex at other times but wonder if I’m being unreasonable not wanting my sleep disturbed. Is this what everyone else is doing?!

burritofan Thu 14-Mar-19 23:01:54

It doesn't matter what society does. Even if you had 1,000 responses saying "I love being woken up for sex!" you're allowed to hate it.

I for one would murder my DP if he did this. My sex drive is higher than his but if I'm asleep, I'm asleep. He doesn't get to decide for me that I don't need to be asleep. It's rude and selfish.

Hillaria Thu 14-Mar-19 23:01:59

Now thinking that I am a sex pest with a ridiculously high sex drive. I would gladly shag DP at least three times a day, including at 4 AM. If only he would. <weeps> <withdraws>

Olddentist Thu 14-Mar-19 23:04:19

No way ! That’s really not on. You need to ask him to stop

DisplayPurposesOnly Thu 14-Mar-19 23:08:59

Posts like this make me think I'd start sleeping with a fork to hand. I don't normally advocate violence but I would be very tempted (and issue clear warnings).

DisplayPurposesOnly Thu 14-Mar-19 23:10:17

You need to ask him to stop

No. It's not a request. It's an instruction.

Topseyt Thu 14-Mar-19 23:11:12

He sounds like a sex pest to me, and I would be telling him that. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me.

Decormad38 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:13:03

He’d be living on the street if I was married to him !

feska5 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:13:56

OMG! Poke him in the eye or kick him in the bollocks at 4am and see how he feels about that.

lunabody Thu 14-Mar-19 23:15:43

I thought I would like being woken up for sex, and said to DH that he could. Turns out I didn't, worst idea ever! Told him, no issue at all, and he never sulks when I turn him down (and that works both ways).

No matter how high your DP's sex drive, he just needs to stop and respect your needs, and he needs to stop sulking - does he really want to have sex if you're not into it?? I'm sure he's well acquainted with his hands, he just need to get busy on his own every so often and stop being a selfish grumpy arse.

Namechangeymcnamechange11 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:17:24

You need to give him some sharp words exactly as set out by pp. If he sulks, let him sulk. Your wishes are no less than his.

I can only imagine if my DH woke my up like that at that sort of time. I expect that he'd be missing a few bits or sleeping on the lawn.

MeteorGarden92 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:18:46

DP tried this once, early on in our relationship, after we’d attended a friends wedding.

I lost my shit like the angriest of badgers and he was scared of my for days after.

Despite a ‘well it was your own fault but sorry I flipped out’ apology the next morning! 😂

Wolfiefan Thu 14-Mar-19 23:18:50

Sod society.
It’s your body. You get to choose if and when it consents to sex.
And he sulks? Is he a fucking child? It’s so unsexy. Trying to coerce you into sex? Grim.

Wearywithteens Thu 14-Mar-19 23:19:04

Waking you up 4am? To penetrate you when you don’t want it? To use you basically as a human sperm receptacle? Because let’s face it, he could masterbate and let you sleep.
But no he ‘pokes’ and ‘sulks’.

Thank God I’m not married to something like that. The actions of some men make me feel sick.

OrigamiZoo Thu 14-Mar-19 23:25:59

YANBU. The sulking is foul, your body is not his wank receptacle.

OrigamiZoo Thu 14-Mar-19 23:32:34

You could ask him - I don't feel like it, do you really want to treat me like an object while you pump away knowing I didn't want it?

So, don't sulk, as I will never want to be treated like a sex object. Sex is a mutually desired act, not him having his needs met by using your body.

Ginnymweasley Thu 14-Mar-19 23:42:12

If dh attempted to wake me for sex at 4am I would be telling him to fuck off somewhere else till it was time to get up. I do not like being woken up at all. If you don't like it then tell him. His wants don't trump yours.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:42:56

If my husband sulked when I said no (especially at 4 am) I'd turn to him and say "And that's not going to get me going, that's for sure".

Nothing is more UNattractive than someone who will not take no for an answer.

NunoGoncalves Thu 14-Mar-19 23:47:23

God, this is one of those threads where people justify their partners being absolute dicks because "he's really great the rest of the time". Sure he is. A genuinely great guy wouldn't wake his partner up for sex in the middle of the night and then sulk if he didn't get any and moan about only having sex 4 times a week.

So gross. I could never be with someone like that.

Missingstreetlife Thu 14-Mar-19 23:47:52

Using you like a toilet. Don't think so. What is his right arm for? Tell him it's not sexy, you'll let him know when you're in the mood and the more he sulks or cajoles the less likely that is. Read the cup of tea cartoon. Link anyone?
Seperate beds. Ask for consent. Make it about your pleasure not, or at least as well as his
Try by appointment twice a week, starting with him being very nice for two days beforehand. Like training dogs.

cordeliavorkosigan Fri 15-Mar-19 00:00:37

Ill child, house on fire, someone is dying / had a major accident or has died, major earthquake: ok, that's terrible, wake me up.
Otherwise if someone did that I don't think they'd be having sex with me again ever, never mind that morning! at least not for a good long time.

TheSandman Fri 15-Mar-19 00:01:16

BlessYourCottonSocks Thu 14-Mar-19 22:48:13

Frankly, I wouldn't want Chris Hemsworth waking me for sex at 4.00am -never mind DP!

Seriously? I would. But he'd have to be quiet so not to wake up the wife.

VelvetPineapple Fri 15-Mar-19 00:06:01

Using you like a toilet

Urgh this. So gross.

Singlenotsingle Fri 15-Mar-19 00:06:55

I'd make an exception for Aiden Turner! But the bed would be a bit crowded. It's got dp and the dog in it already!

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt Fri 15-Mar-19 00:14:02

I would not be responsible for my actions. There certainly would not be a reoccurrence.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 15-Mar-19 00:26:48

Pestering you for sex isn't on
Sulking when the pestering doesn't work isn't on
Waking you up and making you tired isn't on

Imagine it the other way round, if there was something you really wanted him to do to make you happy. Cook you a nice meal or something. Would he be happy with you going on and on and on about it? Would he be more or less likely to cook you something special if you sulked because you were hungry? If you woke him up at 4am complaining of being starving and it's at least a day since he cooked for you and it's all you can think about and he needs to get in the kitchen this minute...he'd tell you to f**k off. It sounds stupid when you say it like that but I don't think that situation is too different

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