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By not wanting my partner poking me for sex at 4am!

(70 Posts)
Applecrumble79 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:39:02

My partner regularly wakes me up for sex at stupid hours. We have mis matched sex drives however I meet him half way . I enjoy sex with him but sometimes I’m just so tired. I work in excess of 40 hrs a week and don’t always appreciate being poked in the early hours. I have important meetings and need to be alert. When I’m woken after 4am I often don’t fall back to sleep then I’m exhausted the following day! I allow it sometimes to keep the peace but he thinks it’s ok to do it whenever. We have sex at other times but wonder if I’m being unreasonable not wanting my sleep disturbed. Is this what everyone else is doing?!

Wolfiefan Thu 14-Mar-19 22:40:48

You don’t want it? So don’t “allow it sometimes.” Make it crystal clear that it’s not something you find acceptable and if he doesn’t stop? He can sleep elsewhere. confused

Notcontent Thu 14-Mar-19 22:42:22

4 am? Just no... maybe when I was 20....

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Thu 14-Mar-19 22:44:04

I'd go mad at dh if he dared wake me up in the middle of the night for anything less than the house on fire or an ill child!

53rdWay Thu 14-Mar-19 22:44:12

I don’t want to be woken at 4am for anything less than the house being on fire. YANBU.

Hillaria Thu 14-Mar-19 22:44:54

No, we are not doing. Though if DP poked me at 4 AM, I'd be delighted. He would be happy with once a week, though I'd be happy with several times a day confused. I try not to pester him, though, and wouldn't pester him in his sleep as that would seem a bit intrusive.

wishywashy6 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:45:14

What wolfie said.

It's usually me waking my BF for it if anything but only ever when he's first dozed off or if I wake a bit before the alarm.... no way would I get a response from him at 4am so I wouldn't even try! Regardless of whether other people are doing it though, if you don't want to then make that clear to him and say no.

53rdWay Thu 14-Mar-19 22:45:32

Also if you’re ‘allowing’ sex to keep the peace you’ve got bigger relationship problems with him than just this.

RLOU30 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:45:33

Fucking no chance. Especially after having A DC wake you up at all hours. If my partner done this he would be on the floor.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble Thu 14-Mar-19 22:46:16

What or who has made you think your wants are less than his?

ceirrno Thu 14-Mar-19 22:46:28

Damn I wish my partner would do that... But at the same time, if he knew I didn't want him to then it would be unreasonable

RaspberryKisses Thu 14-Mar-19 22:46:41

Are you hell being unreasonable! I wouldn't like to be woke up in that manner at any time, nvm at 4am! I think hes being a bit if a selfish tw#t!

If you don't want this i do think you need to have a conversation he seems very focused on (his needs) rather than yours OP, and is not considering the impact on you, him selfishly waking you up at that time!

Mari50 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:47:21

I don’t even like being ‘poked for sex’ at 7am, if my DP was harassing me at that time I’d be sleeping in the spare room every night.

Applecrumble79 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:47:43

Thanks for responses. Wanted to get a snapshot of what society does!! Seems I need to put my foot down

oneforthepain Thu 14-Mar-19 22:47:46

No, it is not what everyone else is doing.

Also if you’re ‘allowing’ sex to keep the peace you’ve got bigger relationship problems with him than just this.


BlessYourCottonSocks Thu 14-Mar-19 22:48:13

Frankly, I wouldn't want Chris Hemsworth waking me for sex at 4.00am -never mind DP!

reallybadidea Thu 14-Mar-19 22:48:15

DH tried this once. Just once mind. I can't think of much worse actually. It would drive me mad. Tell him to go and have a wank in the bathroom if he's that desperate.

Holidayshopping Thu 14-Mar-19 22:49:45

I remember a comedian (possibly Michael Macintyre?) saying that the only acceptable reasons for a woman to be woken in the night are if it’s snowing or a celebrity has died.

VelvetPineapple Thu 14-Mar-19 22:50:08

I’d be furious if anyone woke me up at 4am for any reason except an emergency. If DH woke me for sex he’d be very very sorry. How selfish can you get! Ruining someone’s sleep and making them tired all day because YOU fancy a shag! Does his selfishness and thoughtlessness extend into other areas of your lives too?

Eatmycheese Thu 14-Mar-19 22:50:24

You allow it?
You do it to keep the peace
He wakes you up all hours of the day and night to get his end away?

No you are most definitely not the one being unreasonable

Applecrumble79 Thu 14-Mar-19 22:53:48

@ velvetpineapple. He has a high sex drive and sulks when I’m not in the mood. He can be selfish sometimes but is also equally as kind. Just fed up of the constant demands for sex. He moans when he gets it’s sometimes 4 times a week *eye rolls*

QueenofallIsee Thu 14-Mar-19 22:57:06

Dp and I have high sex drives and are well matched. He sometimes wakes me up for a tumble but we both love that, don’t struggle to get back to sleep and he would never sulk if I said no! If he did, he would not be my DP as I would find that coercive and a form of emotional blackmail

coffeeismyspinach Thu 14-Mar-19 22:57:41

This man is still sharing your bed why? He's a sex pest. He would no longer be sleeping in the same bed as me or the same room and if he kept it up, in the same house.

VelvetPineapple Thu 14-Mar-19 23:00:11

He has a high sex drive and sulks when I’m not in the mood

Let him sulk then? Solves your problem as he’ll leave you alone! Are you sure he’s actually a grown up as the adults I know don’t sulk like babies?

Mixedbags Thu 14-Mar-19 23:01:19

Everyone is different, unless it’s the first few years of a relationship and or you are teenagers I would not want to be woken up at that time

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