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To ask what you get out of your relationship?

(34 Posts)
saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:41:15

Ive been with my partner almost 11 years and we have 2 dc together. We are together because were just going with the flow and its 'routine'. He brings nothing to the relationship for me and i feel like i do so much that he doesn't appreciate. I do all the school runs (when im not working part time then he does it the 2 days im working) i do all the parents evening, all the appointments, school plays, put kids to bed, do homework, take the kids out on my own 95% of the time, sort all the bills, do 99% of cooking/dishes/laudrey/cleaning. Im basically a single Mum. And he says i do alot for the kids but i do f all for him. Which technically i don't because im doing everything else. If i say i do your washing/cooking/cleaning he'll say but your doing it anyway so whats one extra person. Sorry, i went off track a little bit. My aibu is... aibu to ask why are you in a relationship? What makes you stay? My partner says this is a normal relationship and that im just wanting something thats not real. But i feel there should be more that just this. Its my first relationship so got nothing to compare it to.

saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 19:32:47

Thank you smile @KM99

headinhands Thu 14-Mar-19 19:35:26

doesn't make me happy

That's a big thing about my dh, he does make me happier than if I was on my own. He makes me laugh. He made me laugh out loud in Wickes the other day. Not as in laughing at him, but him cracking jokes and being silly. That's normal. How deeply connected I am to him is normal from what I see around me. Not a fairytale, it's better because it's real.

headinhands Thu 14-Mar-19 19:37:43

I had an ex who said I wanted a automon and not a real man. What he actually meant was 'you expect someone to put some sort of effort in to our emotional connection and I'm not capable of that'. 😀

saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 19:50:13

@headinhands haha men!

Nathansmommy1 Thu 14-Mar-19 20:12:15

Your he's behaviour is not acceptable. I'm with dh the same length of time and I do most of the house work, but he would never put me down like your dh is doing to you. He is still my best friend and supports me and ds 100% in everything we do. You deserve better. Best of luck with the move, you will be so much happier once you've made the break

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Thu 14-Mar-19 20:15:55

You asked what I get out of my relationship, I get a best friend, a lover, a provider, a partner, a great dad and grandad but most of all I get a team captain. Our family is a team and he is our captain.

Stompythedinosaur Thu 14-Mar-19 20:22:53

What I get is a partner who does half the housework and childcare, and who supports me emotionally and practically. Also he sorts put computer problems. I try to offer him the same (mi us the computer stuff).

I think your partner sounds like a selfish dickhead.

saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 20:23:26

@WFTisgoingoninmyhead i get non of that. He's the last person i would confide in. The last person I would celebrate with. Thats not normal is it?! He should be my best friend but he's not. Im not even 100% myself around him. Im actually a really funny person but because he doesn't get my humour, I hold back a lot sad

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Thu 14-Mar-19 20:33:14

saskia76
That isn’t normal for sure but it is your normal, now if you are not happy with that normal you need to change it, if that means being yourself then you must do that. It is sad if someone cannot be themselves in any situation especially a relationship.
I am sorry you don’t get that at the moment.xx

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