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To let DD wear the same clothes on repeat?

(79 Posts)
SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 12:43:16

DD aged 3 has plenty of lovely clothes but she has 3 particular items which are her “favourites”. She wears them until they’re dirty, I wash them and once they’re back in her wardrobe/drawers again and she spots them she wants to wear them again. She probably wears them once a fortnight to once every 3 weeks depending on how quickly I wash and dry them. (Items are a particular dress, a particular t shirt and a particular pair of leggings).

She sees my Ex once a week. And he’s just text me after I’ve dropped her off saying he wants to see her in “different” clothes, as she’s wearing her favourite dress again.

I have no problem with her wearing her “favourites” she wears other things (with a bit of persuasion) but just wants these particular items when they’re available and I am the same in that I tend to go back to the same items of clothes in my wardrobe if they’re available.

Ex knows he is welcome to change her into whatever he wants her to wear but doesn’t provide clothes for his house for her, so I kind of think it’s up to me. One of the items was a Christmas present and was quite expensive (not bought by me) so it’s also nice she’s getting plenty of wear out of an expensive item – I also have bought bigger sizes of 2 of the 3 items so as she’s grown she’s had her “favourites” in the correct size Don’t even think she’s noticed either.

AIBU to think she’s 3 and can decide what she wants to wear as long as it’s weather and age appropriate? Or is Ex right that I need to rotate her other clothes more?

GreatDuckCookery6211 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:47:20

She’s fine to wear her favourite clothes, mine all went through that phase. Spider-Man outfit was one I remember distinctly grin

What’s your ex inferring here?

SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 12:48:24

What’s your ex inferring here?

Probably that she's a poor neglected soul without enough clothes.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Thu 14-Mar-19 12:48:27

Isn't it quite usual to wear the same thing every two to three weeks? I thought you were going to say she'd only wear one outfit and you were having to wash it every night! If he wants her to wear something else he should provide it and fight that battle.

blueskiesovertheforest Thu 14-Mar-19 12:50:23

As long as the clothes are clean and weather, age and activity appropriate of course YANBU.

My 11 year old daughter has 6 identical black t shirts and 3 identical pairs of black jeans - he does also have about 10 other different t shirts, 3 other pairs of jeans and a few pairs of tracksuit bottoms as well as shorts and sports kit - he puts everything in the wash every night, but he does appear to wear identical outfits more than 50% of the time (we don't have school uniform) grin I see nothing wrong with this. I've just noticed that he and DD are dressed identically in black socks, black jeans and identical ling sleeved black t shirt today too! grin

Does your ex think his DD should dress to please him, or herself?

blueskiesovertheforest Thu 14-Mar-19 12:51:36

*my 11 year old is a son not a daughter, not that it actually matters here!

Sirzy Thu 14-Mar-19 12:52:22

Ds is 9 and basically has a “uniform” as he wears the same clothes every day. (Grey school trousers and a blue polo shirt. He will when it is very cold add a navy jumper).

SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 12:53:01

Isn't it quite usual to wear the same thing every two to three weeks?

I did think so.

Does your ex think his DD should dress to please him, or herself?

Given the history, for him.

CheshireChat Thu 14-Mar-19 12:53:57

Just text him she wanted to wear her favourites, but to feel free to change her if it bothers him.

Fatted Thu 14-Mar-19 12:54:08

Tell ex that he's more than welcome to buy whatever clothes he wants for his DC when she's with him. But you will let DD decide what she wears when she's with you. In a year or so she will be in school uniform and wear the same thing every day!!

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Thu 14-Mar-19 12:54:21

Kids grow fast, tell him you're getting your moneys worth out of those items. And start keeping a tally of what HE wears ob repeat.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Thu 14-Mar-19 12:54:50

Some people me have favourites. If they are clean and weather appropriate then I'll wear them

TeenTimesTwo Thu 14-Mar-19 12:55:04

I think it's fine for her to have favourites. But from the Dad's point of view I can see that only seeing her in 1 or 2 outfits might feel weird.

To keep the peace, why not just be slow washing favourite item(s) so it is not available for the next couple of visits? Or be extra quick washing so it is dirty next time the visits come round?

bonzo77 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:56:42

My 3 year old probably wears the same set of outfits every week on a rotation. There’s no way he’d be waiting 2-3 weeks to wear certain specific items that he’s keen on!

KM99 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:58:05

OP, given your later comments this sounds like nothing but a power play from your Ex. He's trying to control. I'd agree to tell him she chooses what she wears and if he doesn't like it he can get her something different.

Ariela Thu 14-Mar-19 12:59:23

I'd message back and say: 'That particular dress is her favourite and what she picks to wear. Maybe take her shopping to pick something else she likes, she might start wearing that instead?'

SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 12:59:44

In a year or so she will be in school uniform and wear the same thing every day

She's starting school in September sad

why not just be slow washing favourite item(s) so it is not available for the next couple of visits? Or be extra quick washing so it is dirty next time the visits come round?

I do try and persuade her into other items but these are her favourites. I do already have to wait a couple of days for it to dry as I have no dryer.

WhenZogateSuperworm Thu 14-Mar-19 12:59:48

My 2 year old DS wears the same thing 2/3 times a week! He has particular items of clothing that he loves and he refuses anything else so I have to wash and dry quickly!

Lllot5 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:59:54

Tell him to mind his own business

NWQM Thu 14-Mar-19 13:02:06

Is she not wearing clothes he has brought?

SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 13:02:54

Is she not wearing clothes he has brought?

He doesn't buy clothes for her, at all. Not even as Christmas or Birthday presents.

FullOfJellyBeans Thu 14-Mar-19 13:03:06

Your ex is being ridiculous. Unless the clothes are dirty or inappropriate for the weather/activity she's fine to wear her favourite things most of the time.

PercyGherkin Thu 14-Mar-19 13:04:06

Let her wear her favourites and enjoy them - she'll grow out of them soon enough.

PercyGherkin Thu 14-Mar-19 13:05:35

PS - my 11 yr old DS has worn the same fleece for about two years nearly continuously - it goes into the wash, it comes out (and being fleece, dries very quickly), he spots it again, and so the cycle continues. It doesn't actually matter as long as it's clean and fits him. Pick your battles!

Limensoda Thu 14-Mar-19 13:06:15

When my son was 8 or 9 he had a pair of track suit pants that he loved. He wore them almost every single day he played out and after school. He still wore them when they were worn at the knees and faded.
Your ex is the one complaining so he should provide clothes for her at his house and get her to wear whatever it is. He can't dictate what you do regarding this.
You follow what you think is right.

blueskiesovertheforest Thu 14-Mar-19 13:08:37

I don't think you should do as he says to keep the peace at all if he's really the type to think his DD should dress to please him not herself.

You need to have her back on this, right from the start. Of course she's 3, he can also buy her clothes, but you don't dress her to please him if she's unhappy at 3 any more than you will make her wear a skirt not jeans, or jeans not a skirt, whichever, against her will to please him when she's 13...

CazM2012 Thu 14-Mar-19 13:09:43

My son is 3 and loves his football shirt, as they are expensive he gets one on his birthday (sized up) and it lasts a year. He must wear it at least twice a week, if not 3 times when I’m on top of the washing. It usually doesn’t even make it back in his wardrobe grin surely it’s just what some kids do? If your ex is so bothered, he can buy your DD clothes for visits!

Wallsbangers Thu 14-Mar-19 13:14:06

I've worn the same skirt 3 days this week. Once every 2-3 weeks would be an improvement for me.

GetStrongKeepFighting Thu 14-Mar-19 13:19:40

Oh FGS don't dick about with the washing just because this man is trying to dictate what his child looks like. If he wants to see her in different clothes, why? Then he can buy some for his house can't he? Let him try and make a toddler change clothes for no good reason when she doesn't want too.

She's three! It makes her happy to wear these clothes whenever she can. Absolutely nothing wrong going on here.

KatharinaRosalie Thu 14-Mar-19 13:20:02

Tell ex to fuck off and to take her shopping if he thinks she should wear different clothes.

ItsAllGone19 Thu 14-Mar-19 13:21:35

She's 3...let her wear what she wants. She'll have a lifetime to conform to dress codes.

He probably thinks it makes him look bad that she's always in the same clothes, almost like he's feeling guilty for not being a more active parent (by having clothes at his place to start with!)

Mitzimaybe Thu 14-Mar-19 13:25:20

So he hasn't bought her any clothes but he thinks he can dictate to you which clothes you put her in? Ha ha ha, what a comedian! If he had bought clothes but you never put her in those, he might have a point but if he's not providing clothes then he gets no say.

If she's only wearing them once a fortnight then how come it's always on his access days? It depends how much you want to wind him up - I'd be tempted to always send her in the same clothes just to make a point, but if you'd rather not rile him then would it be so difficult to let her wear her favourites just before or just after his contact days?

Just in case I've not been clear: YANBU and are not doing anything wrong. He IBVU. Up to you what you want to do about it.

VelvetPineapple Thu 14-Mar-19 13:29:16

My DS owns seven outfits, so he has a week’s worth of clothes. That gives me time to wash them! He’ll get his wear out of them because everything gets worn once a week. Whats the point of buying more outfits that won’t get worn?

neddle Thu 14-Mar-19 13:29:21

Firstly, every 2-3 weeks is not that often.
Secondly, I would be wary about sending her in them. Is it possible he might ruin them or throw them away to spite you?

And thirdly, unless her birthday is this month, she doesn’t have to start school this year. Check out the Facebook group for summer born starts in Reception at age 5

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 14-Mar-19 13:30:39

“Dd loves to wear those clothes. She isn’t bored of them, which is all that matters. Shall I send her naked next time and with no change of clothes? That way you can pick what you like and have it ready for her on x day. She is size x.”

Dd also used to have her favourites. Still does actually but it’s far less extreme. She practically wore the same dress solid for about 3 months when she was 6. Lots of her clothes were virtually unworn. She actually had the same dress in 3 different sizes. The first she loved so much I got a bigger size in the sale. The last one I got from eBay. She’s growing up now and loves getting new clothes in more teen styles.

purpleweasel Thu 14-Mar-19 13:33:04

My daughter got a dressing-up dress for Xmas off a friend of mine and she's probably worn it 2 days out of 3 ever since. I wish I could wear dressing-up clothes every day too!

Your ex obviously hasn't had the "what to wear" conversation with a small child. Tell him he's free to buy her other stuff & see if he can persuade her to wear it!

IHateUncleJamie Thu 14-Mar-19 13:34:44

Tell ex to fuck off and to take her shopping if he thinks she should wear different clothes.

^^This. 👍

Skisunsnow Thu 14-Mar-19 13:35:17

My 4 year old DD wears the same outfits 2 or 3 times a week if it's been washed and she finds it back in the wardrobe or drawers. It's normal as far as I'm concerned. My 6 year old DS has the same few clothes that he will change into after school too.
They've both got loads of clothes but I'd rather they choose what they want to wear and are happy in what they're wearing, as long as it's appropriate for what we're doing and where we're going.

Toooldtocareanymore Thu 14-Mar-19 13:35:38

id reply with " its her favourite, bring her shopping next x, let her pick something herself with you, i'm sure it will become another of her favourites "

5amisnotdaytime Thu 14-Mar-19 13:35:50

neddle got their first, now he's mentioned it to you, I'd be wary of her clothes "accidentally" getting damaged or "left behind" somewhere. I wouldn't be sending her to him in her favourite clothes.

DD is the same, once the washing is done, all her favourite ones vanish out the wardrobe first. And I do the same!

GassyAss Thu 14-Mar-19 13:38:03

When DD2 was 3 she wore the same pink strappy summer dress every day until I took it to be washed. Teamed it with all the jewellery and ribbons she owned. It's just what 3 years old do.
Now she's 12 she lives in leggings and a hoodie. Kids wear the things they like. Tell Ex to chill out.

mumwon Thu 14-Mar-19 13:40:15

my dd went through a phase of wearing red wellie boots no matter the season or weather - looked really good with pretty skirts! later on she had a thing for little dark blue skirts with flowers - she had several all the same style - so what - as long as dc is clean & comfortable & its (except for the wellie boots!) weather appropriate

ShabbyAbby Thu 14-Mar-19 13:46:06

My kids wear the same clothes a lot. Because they grow quickly and I'm not going to buy them loads of things which they may never get the chance to wear. I'm the same though. If I didn't do regular washes I'd have nothing to wear that fits me and goes together within a week (maybe less).

Tinty Thu 14-Mar-19 13:47:14

Ds was Buzz lightyear for about 6 months at 3. Literally put on his Buzz outfit over his clothes and barely took it off! Only answered to Buzz also, that was a fun day when I couldn't work out why he wasn't answering to his name. grin

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Thu 14-Mar-19 13:52:19

This is obviously not about the clothes, the clothes are fine. So (since there is no genuine issue here and he isn't actually concerned about your daughter) he can fuck off.

As an aside, when my eldest was 3, his favourite outfit was a kilt, a yellow builder's hat, a grey cardigan and a headband worn around his waist as a belt. I made sure there are lots of photos, of course! The other 3 boys were aiming for total nudity from 2 to 5, the kilt was much easier.

As an adult, I frequently make sure that I have extras of my favourite clothes. So I might have 3 dresses the same, or a couple of my favourite coat etc. I like things to be comfortable and when I find a design that works for me, I run with it. I don't think it's anyone else's business and I definitely wouldn't have a problem with a child preferring a few particular things.

BusyMumLondon Thu 14-Mar-19 14:00:02

My 8 nearly 9 yo insists on wearing shorts no matter what the weather and her favourite unicorn and gorilla T-shirts that should have been burnt long ago. Drives me potty but this too shall pass confusedsmile
I think her dad needs to take her shopping if he wants her in different clothes 😂
Good luck with that one.
I also have a 13 yo that likes to wear emo/halloween/skeleton clothes all the time. Covered in cat hair 🤐 (black clothes + big fluffy white cat) I love them both.
It looks like she is going out in dirty clothes (she also loves art). She's not it's wash and wear after the cat has had loves 😂
Me I encourage it, even join in. (Cosplay, not while out shopping🤣)
Her dad has finally learned he either supports her or he is wasting his money.
Different planet.....

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Thu 14-Mar-19 14:01:09

If he wants to "see her in different clothes" he can bloody well buy them can't he?

When I was a kid I insisted on wearing the same beloved outfit every day on holiday for 10 days... my parents realised it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things 🤣

ForgivenessIsDivine Thu 14-Mar-19 14:22:13

Totally normal.. I have often had to wash and dry clothes overnight! And yes... lived in superhero costumes for months!! It has taken years and one very direct 4 year old for me to learn wisdom on this subject. 'Mummy, is it OK that I love my red jumper? Do you mind that I don't want to wear the blue one? We could give the other one away to a girl that would like it.'

CallMeCarolDanvers Thu 14-Mar-19 14:26:46

My 4yo rotates between her yellow Batman t-shirt, blue Spiderman t-shirt, long sleeve pink top, a Paw Patrol t-shirt that really is a bit too small for her, her Go Jetters t-shirt and one royal blue t-shirt. Sometimes if it's an Occasion I can persuade her to wear something else, but that's only for Occasions. Surely 7-8 everyday tops is plenty for most kids, then the odd hoody/cardigan to throw on top?

Jamiefraserskilt Thu 14-Mar-19 14:30:52

Tell him to bore off.
If he wants her in different clothes, let him knock himself out in Matalan.
Arse.

NWQM Thu 14-Mar-19 14:33:20

I have to hold my hands up and say I did once wash my sons clothes every night. He was desperate to wear his football kit for a while. I just checked them in with the other washing and they would easily dry. He was happy and it was no more work for me.

I wonder if your ex is latching on to this because of maintenance. Is he trying to suggest through a back door that any money he pays out isn't spent on her.

Does he like showing off on social media all the wonderful Dad things he does?

Megan2018 Thu 14-Mar-19 14:35:16

Surely the only response needed to your ex about this is something along the lines of "Oh do fuck off"?
Or am I missing something here? Why would you even entertain what he thinks about a non issue?

MerryBerryCheesecake Thu 14-Mar-19 14:42:20

For a start, what sort of a number did he do on you that you take any notice at all of his controlling-non-own-child-clothes-buying bullshit even though you are no longer together.

Put her in something she doesn't like for his days just in case he decides to "accidentally" ruin her favourites. Let him deal with a grumpy three year old.

Happynow001 Thu 14-Mar-19 14:46:20

He's perfectly entitled to buy her stuff which he can try and persuade her to wear if he wants. He'll then need to deal with her telling him her preferences... still trying to control you is he?

jay55 Thu 14-Mar-19 14:50:37

I wear the same dresses to work each week, maybe restating through 7 different ones. So repeat every week. It's just clothes.

reluctantbrit Thu 14-Mar-19 15:17:47

DD thought the world would end if her Thomas T-shirts weren't ready on Monday for the week nursery time.

I thought you meant she insists on you washing an item and then drying overnight.

Nothing wrong with an item every 2-3 weeks

Fowles94 Thu 14-Mar-19 15:44:28

He sounds a bit of a moaner. I have favourite clothes I wear more frequently than that.

ThreeBagsFullofWool Thu 14-Mar-19 15:55:24

Your ex is free to buy her clothes and get her to wear them during contact. Tell him to get on with it.

Thenameisweasley Thu 14-Mar-19 15:58:17

My DD wears the same thing every week sometimes depending how much washing I've managed to get dried and put away. I don't think it matters as long as they are clean and warm enough for the weather!

YanTanTethera01 Thu 14-Mar-19 16:02:53

My DD, now 18, wore a set of 3 spiderman outfits for a whole year when she was 3. Slept in them, went to nursery in them, played at her friends etc. etc. Even went to her first day at big school in one, accompanied by her spiderman lunch box. Was a great money-saver for me!

Loopytiles Thu 14-Mar-19 16:05:25

Wouldn’t deign to reply to ex’s feedback/request.

KrazyKatlady Thu 14-Mar-19 16:11:42

my DS has only recently (and reluctantly) let me throw away a pair of age 2-3 shorts that are among his favourites (he's 8!!) grin
DD is 12 she has about 578 pairs of black leggings/jeggings and a small selection of grey/black or white tshirts that she wears all the time, when not in school uniform.

golddustwomen Thu 14-Mar-19 16:12:08

Tell him to fuck off.

Abouttime1978 Thu 14-Mar-19 16:28:37

As a grown up I have three pairs of the same jeans because I like them.

And the same jumper in three different colours.

You are lucky she only wears her favourites once every 2-3 weeks, my kids drag their favourites out of the washing basket, dirty or clean!

Tell him he's welcome to add to her wardrobe, but when she is with you she can choose what clothes she wears.

SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 17:30:06

He doesn't use SM so not a show off.

I think it's a control thing. He was controlling while we were together, that and worry that it'll look bad for him if she's in the same clothes all the time.

His contact time is actually only a couple of hours in the week (he does have her EOW and I do have to provide clothes for that too).

She would take the stuff out of the washing basket if I let her but I put my foot down that it has to be clean.

StormTreader Thu 14-Mar-19 17:35:57

"You are welcome to buy her whatever additional clothes you wish".

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 14-Mar-19 17:42:32

Maybe stop sending her with clothes, force the issue?

Hoplittlebunnies Thu 14-Mar-19 19:15:54

Fairly certain I wear the same 3 outfits at work and another same 3 outfits outside of work grin so wouldn't expect more of a toddler!

Bathbombs Thu 14-Mar-19 19:19:20

My kids don’t have masses of clothes but even so tend to wear the same 2 or 3 outfits on rotation. DH and I do the same actually. In fact I only currently have one pair of jeans, one pair of work trousers and 1 pair of joggers!
I do laundry regularly so it’s not an issue.

Lovewinemorethanhusband Thu 14-Mar-19 19:35:28

Both my children have favourites that they wear continuously, I've given up trying to get them to wear other clothes, looking back at photos you can see what was flavour of the month at the time , this month currently my 6 year old is loving his shellsuit that his nanny got him I hate it but he wears it constantly I'm sure he realises that I hate it and that pushes him to wear it more !

MumUnderTheMoon Thu 14-Mar-19 19:37:48

Plenty of people wear their clothes over and over. I know I do. He's being an ass. Tell him if he's that bothered he can change her clothes himself but those are her favourites and you won't care how often she wears them as long as they are clean.

QueenEhlana Thu 14-Mar-19 19:41:35

Totally off topic, but it would be sensible to try to work out why these are her favourites. Is it colour, style, comfort? And try to make sure that is the type of clothing you buy more of in the future.

Failing that, take her shopping with you and let her choose her own clothes! Hopefully you'll end up with less clothes and more of them will be favourites.

CloserIAm2Fine Thu 14-Mar-19 19:47:30

Why should DD have to wait to wear her favourite clothes because her dad wants to see her in something different? That seems very controlling! She’s not a doll. As long as it’s clean and appropriate for the weather and what she’s doing, let her wear what she wants!

WinterHeatWave Thu 14-Mar-19 19:48:55

2-3 weeks??!! I wear stuff more often that that. Currently cycling through 2 pairs of jeans, half a dozen teeshirts and 2 jumpers!!!
DS, who is 7, has a favourite teeshirt he wears every weekend. I've just bought him an identical one a size up. So now he wears school uniform 5 days a week, and identical looking teeshirts, with did the blue or grey bottoms every weekend.
Meh. I can't get worked up about it!

TORDEVAN Thu 14-Mar-19 20:08:09

once every 2-3 weeks sounds quite sparse to be honest grin my DD has enough clothes for just over a week so repeat wears things weekly!! I really thought you were going to say every other day or something like that. Either way, I see no issue with Children wearing what they want, as often as they want, as long as they take it off long enough to get washed :D

origamiunicorn Thu 14-Mar-19 20:10:41

Sounds like me grin

Happynow001 Fri 15-Mar-19 00:15:18

I have wardrobes full of clothes but only have a small capsule of clothes I wear regularly, which I can throw in, look appropriate for most days and make me feel good. I'm much older than your daughter.. 😄

Happynow001 Fri 15-Mar-19 00:15:50

Throw on - not in!

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Fri 15-Mar-19 07:33:26

* and I do have to provide clothes for that too*

The court ordered you to?

If not I’d stop doing that and let him buy some clothes

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