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Did I do the right thing?

(15 Posts)
colourfulness Wed 13-Mar-19 23:56:17

I broke up with the father of my kids for many reasons mainly because I was uncomfortable with how a family member of his acted with my kids.

It was rocky from the start and he put me down a lot and asked me and our child to leave his house. Then after a few months he came back and I forgave him and we had our second child then as soon as I was pregnant he left again. He was with other girls etc and put me down the entire pregnancy.

Then we got back together when our second child was born after him giving massive apologies and everything was amazing and he was the person that I loved again.

Then recently I had enough of being mad and snapping at him for things he had done. And him constantly saying things to hurt me and the atmosphere he created in the house. Then I confronted him about the family member making me uncomfortable and that was it.

Throughout all this he constantly told me how much he loved me, how great things were which they were we had a bubble and things were very good apart from these things he did.

I wonder if I made a mistake breaking it off and if I should try again and teach him how to treat people or am I just missing the part of him that was good?

GreenTulips Thu 14-Mar-19 00:01:50

Sorry but why are you even thinking you can change him? You know you can’t right?

Why would you even think this is a good idea?

SleepingStandingUp Thu 14-Mar-19 00:04:03

Your mistake was getting back with him to start with.

For the sake of your children DO NOT get back with this man.

he put me down a lot you don't need that kind of negativity in your life but it does help explain why you don't see that you deserve better
asked me and our child to leave his house so he's a shot dad too
As soon as I was pregnant he left again see above Re shot Dad, and unsupportive partner
He was with other girls etc please get an STI check
put me down the entire pregnancy see above negativity and self worth
things he had done so all that and he's still upsetting you
and him constantly saying things to hurt me he doesn't love you properly
the atmosphere he created in the house the kids and you deserve better
teach him how to treat people you're not his Mum. If he can't treat you right after two kids, he won't start now. That's in him, not you.

Nuvanewname Thu 14-Mar-19 00:05:25

You have definitely done the right thing. Never go back there again! No, you do not need to teach him how to treat people, he is an adult and I'm sure he knows, he just doesn't want to.
It is not your job to try and teach him anyway.

You deserve better. Your children deserve better. I don't know if you have daughters or sons or both, but your daughters do not need this as an example of a relationship and what to accept from a man, and your sons do not need to see his own mother being treated like this by his own father as if it is OK.

From what you have written, he has done nothing good for you except perhaps you wouldn't have your children. He is rubbish. You say things were good apart from the things he did, what matters is the things he did. Everybody is nice when they aren't horrible, I'm sure even the most evil men will have people who knew them closely trying to point out good things, it means nothing. He is a dick, he has treated you awfully, so the rest doesn't matter.

Please, for you and your children, don't get back with him again. You have done the right thing, and in time you will see that and you'll feel better.

HerrenaHarridan Thu 14-Mar-19 00:05:59

Being a single parent is much easier and more enjoyable than being with someone who makes you feel this way.

You deserve better than this. Your children need to grow up believing they deserve better than this.

TheSerenDipitY Thu 14-Mar-19 00:30:47


ReanimatedSGB Thu 14-Mar-19 00:31:33

You absolutely did the right thing. This prick was verbally abusive, shagged around and made your kids miserable and scared, too. You're well rid of him.
It might be worth checking out something like the Freedom Programme to make sure your dickhead detectors are working before you get seriously involved with any other man, because your bar for dating is probaby set quite low after being with him.

needthisthread Thu 14-Mar-19 01:02:50

wonder if I made a mistake breaking it off and if I should try again and teach him how to treat people

Why? Do you want a partner or a puppy?

Honestly, relationships are not meant to be this difficult. If you literally have to teach someone to be something else it is not worth your effort.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 14-Mar-19 01:34:26


No, don't even try it again. Just let him go, take the Freedom Programme so you can sort your head out to understand that you NEVER need to take that shit from anyone, and you certainly don't want to BE with someone who keeps fucking off out of your and your kids' lives when someone "better" comes along.

Seriously - stay away from him.

Motoko Thu 14-Mar-19 03:20:57

Your mistake was taking him back the first time and having another child with him.

Your next mistake was taking him back the second time.

Do not make that same mistake yet again. Surely you've heard that saying? The sign of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome. This is you.

FGS don't take him back again. It's not good for you, and it's damaging to your children, as they will be too confused.

mayflower43 Thu 14-Mar-19 03:51:24

I broke up with the father of my kids for many reasons mainly because I was uncomfortable with how a family member of his acted with my kids

Of course you did the right thing and I wish you luck for the future.

However, when the father of the children has contact, how can you stop them seeing the family member you had concerns about? I hope the father can see the concerns also, otherwise things could be very difficult.

Foslady Thu 14-Mar-19 06:43:02

You definitely did the right thing - he’s treating you as an option until the next opportunity comes along.
Don’t let your children grow up thinking this is normal

circlemat Thu 14-Mar-19 07:18:44

Why would you keep letting someone treat you like this?

Shoxfordian Thu 14-Mar-19 07:25:40

You can't change him or teach him anything
Don't take him back ever again

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Thu 14-Mar-19 07:37:06

- kicked you and your child out of his house.
-abandons you in your second pregnancy
-constantly says things to hurt you.

Yes you did the right thing.

Ps Stop having children with this man he sounds like an absolutely horrible person!

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