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Couples who do absolutely everything together

(737 Posts)
evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 16:59:06

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.
A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.
A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

Moonchild1987 Sat 23-Mar-19 09:10:54

@GirlUnicorn yes I have. INFJ here. It made a lot of sense and explained why I always preferred smaller friendship groups and spending one on one time with a selected friend rather then a large group if I can help it.

Moonchild1987 Sat 23-Mar-19 08:01:34

@screamifyouwant though I have done both on my own before and have no problem doing so u guess it's I find chores like that boring. It's hardly the highlight of my day where I do cart wheels. Having company of my partner there with me just makes it slightly less boring for the food shop or if I am at the doctors he keeps my mind off worrying or us there for comfort if I should need it.

Helmetbymidnight Tue 19-Mar-19 09:50:45

If anyone here does MBTI, my type is INTJ, which is fairly unusual and I think this is why I don't connect with people the way some do. I have connected with people maybe four or five times in my life, and my husband is one of those. If I'm going to spend time with someone I prefer it to be him.

Actually...Dh is the same as you, Batman. INTJ. He has maybe one friend apart from me. It's probably the thing I find most annoying about him. grin

GinUnicorn Mon 18-Mar-19 20:16:46

Has anyone else had to take that personally test to know what the heck others were on about.

Apparently I’m ENFJ

Sorry for the derail.

screamifyouwant Mon 18-Mar-19 17:57:01

People commenting that if your not with oh you are with friends.
What about bring on your own like you don't need a friend or oh to go to the doctors or do the supermarket shop .
I spend a lot of time with dh I live with him , I see friends socially but I like to be able to run errands on my own . I don't need my dh or any friends for that . I think it's being independent adult to be able to go places on your own .

FunkyKingston Mon 18-Mar-19 16:07:57

I remember Carol Thatcher wrote an autobiography and in a TV interview about it, she said that her and her brother felt in the way of her parents ongoing love affair

As they say, the children of lovers are orphans. Thatcher put her own wishes ahead of more vulnerable people's needs, I'm shocked, shocked to the core of my being.

IrmaFayLear Mon 18-Mar-19 16:04:54

Right, just looked up CT and found that she has disappeared after making an ill-advised remark (well, actually an awful remark) in a green room. Now lives in Switzerland.

cantbearsed1 Mon 18-Mar-19 14:17:39

No idea Irma, but she will I think be retirement age by now.

outpinked Mon 18-Mar-19 14:14:38

I find it weird too. My exH and his OH are like this, I don’t understand it. ExH won’t collect them on a Friday because he has to do the food shop with her after work for example, why do two adults need to do a food shop and what is wrong with online shopping confused. He has also never spent the day out with the DC on his own, her and her DC always have to be included which I find pathetic.

I would feel smothered in this set up. I don’t understand how couples that work together survive either.

IrmaFayLear Mon 18-Mar-19 14:05:48

Totally off the point, but what happened to Carol Thatcher? The last time I saw her she was winning I'm a Celebrity...

cantbearsed1 Mon 18-Mar-19 13:55:07

Irma I remember Carol Thatcher wrote an autobiography and in a TV interview about it, she said that her and her brother felt in the way of her parents ongoing love affair.

IrmaFayLear Mon 18-Mar-19 13:35:10

We may all be different, but some people are a bit "differenter" !

The most extreme couples I've seen are ones who will never visit their own parents alone, always as a pair. Still worse some couples will not interact separately with their dcs. There is never a one-on-one with a child for, eg, a day out. Someone said "the children of lovers are as orphans" . Fil was like this. He only had eyes for mil and dh, now he has his own dcs, realises it was pretty weird and unkind behaviour.

Olga321 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:51:04

Posted too soon!

I think this thread just shows that we're all different but some people refuse to accept that and will argue it to the death because their way has to be best.

Olga321 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:49:15

I always think it is a bit strange when people have no friends they actually see and seem almost proud of that

Really? I've never noticed that.

I

cantbearsed1 Mon 18-Mar-19 09:44:53

This weekend I spent some time with DP, we spent some time with friends, another couple, and then some time apart. DP watched the Rugby with a friend - I hate Rugby, while I went to a walk with some friends.
You can enjoy each others company and spend time with friends.
I always think it is a bit strange when people have no friends they actually see and seem almost proud of that.

Sakura7 Sun 17-Mar-19 23:52:05

Funky - there is a balance. It's possible to be really into your DP and have a wonderful relationship, while also making some time for your friends. Living in each other's pockets 24/7, to the point where you're utterly dependent, is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Neither is spending huge amounts of time apart by choice.

AlexaAmbidextra Sun 17-Mar-19 23:03:39

You do understand I was pushing back at a pp and it was not me that said this? Please read the thread.

Bluntness. I have read the thread. My comment was to the person you were quoting, not to you. 🙂

Bluntness100 Sun 17-Mar-19 22:58:14

Do you really think that these sorts of things are all that women friends have in common

You do understand I was pushing back at a pp and it was not me that said this? Please read the thread.

I find it really weird that some women are so condescending and dismissive of female friendships

Not just this, they are trying to argue these friendships are some form of weird needy unrequited thing and it's right for it to be all about their man.

I've read some odd things on here, but this is one of the oddest. But more than that. It's one of the saddest.

Charley50 Sun 17-Mar-19 22:50:17

I find it really weird that some women are so condescending and dismissive of female friendships.

FunkyKingston Sun 17-Mar-19 22:43:16

I used to scoff at couples like this. We holidayed seperately, socialised seperately and i used to congratulate myself that we were individuals with a strong marriage as we weren't dependent on one another or joined at the hip.

Turned out we were just not that into one another all though paradoxically neither of us is inclined to divorce and move out of our home as we were already living seperate lives, we just do so now in seperate bedrooms. Now i really envy those people who feel they've found the other part of them.

Dillydallyingthrough Sun 17-Mar-19 22:11:50

I've only known one couple like this, sadly we drifted apart as they always brought the partner with them to catch ups were the partner hadn't been invited. After years of this and trying to nice about it, it just became easier to see her less. After almost 20 years, one cheated ending the relationship.

My friend reached out and wanted a lot of time/support at the time, I tried to be there for her but unfortunately it was never the same. As her other friends were less forgiving I would get 100's of messages/missed calls because she was so lonely.

Gwenhwyfar Sun 17-Mar-19 21:53:57

"What do my female friends and I discuss? Our careers, our families, gigs we are going to, our long weekends away, good things in our life, things we struggle with, the normal stuff friends discuss. Our lives basically."

There's no reason why you couldn't discuss those things with male friends.

Gwenhwyfar Sun 17-Mar-19 21:52:15

"I've never experienced worrying about what I wear on a night out, or anxiety about walking home, or fear of a man walking behind me. I know of them because I've heard people discuss them, the way you know of something if you read it.

I've never felt it though. Or a myriad of other things women claim to. I just can't relate to it."

I envy your nonchalance. Given the stats for rape, I'm not sure it's justified.
A lot of rapes are carried out by people already known to the victim of course. My fear of men in the dark is partly learned from others and partly from the time I was mugged.

Gwenhwyfar Sun 17-Mar-19 21:48:42

"I don't think you would find many men posting on an online site, that they don't want to have friends because their wife is their best friend and they just sit there wishing she was there, so they chose to do everything with her exclusively. "

I don't think they would admit it, but there are plenty of men like that, probably more than there are women like that.

Gwenhwyfar Sun 17-Mar-19 21:46:04

"I think the point you're missing is that it isn't a dynamic everyone is interested in - some people may actually prefer mixed gender relationships or not mind either way."

I can see how it's different, just like I can see a huge difference between posting on MN to posting on the Guardian, but I still prefer mixed groups.

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