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Couples who do absolutely everything together

(737 Posts)
evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 16:59:06

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.
A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.
A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 13-Mar-19 17:01:30

What is the aibu?

If this is what both members of the couple want to do, then it's fine. They can do what they like.

Littleraindrop15 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:03:51

Yup some are really happy at the hips and some need space. It is interesting to see how others live, just reminds us how everyone is different in this world.

evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:04:06

I'm guessing arethere that you are one of those couples smile Of course they can do what they like, I said that in my OP. My AIBU is AIBU to be a bit miffed about couples who go absolutely everywhere together?

GunpowderGelatine Wed 13-Mar-19 17:05:53

I find it annoying when I think I'm meeting a girlfriend for drinks or a meal and she brings her OH along. One friend won't have nights out without her husband, so on the rare occasion I get to leave the house (small kids) I want to meet here she insists my husband comes too as company for hers hmm I don't want to waste babysitting chits from in laws on nights with friends, we save them for when we need them (date night). I've just stopped going on nights out with her TBH

Lwg87 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:06:46

I know it’s nothing to do with me what couples do but this does annoy me so I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I have one friend that I would love to have a conversation with/meal/night out with without their partner present at all occasions

WorraLiberty Wed 13-Mar-19 17:08:32

Why would you be miffed?

It's certainly not for me and my DH but if it suits some couples, I couldn't get miffed about it.

WorraLiberty Wed 13-Mar-19 17:09:39

Oh yes, I wouldn't be friends with anyone who insisted on bringing their partner with them, if I just wanted to go for a meal or a night out with them alone.

But I don't know anyone like that.

DamonSalvatoresDinner Wed 13-Mar-19 17:09:56

My DSis always wonders why DH and I go shopping together when I could just go on my own like she does. She says she likes the peace away from her DP. My answer to that was simply because I really like my DH. We want to spend time together. Everyone is different and whilst I wouldn't take him on a girl's night out or anything, we both go on the school run etc together. Why not?

TheKitchenWitch Wed 13-Mar-19 17:10:26

I've found it's often a controlling thing actually. I have one friend whose husband (if he's home) will sit down with us when she invites me over for coffee and chat. I find it bizarre.

I'm not massively keen on any couples things though, so it might just be me.

Houseonahill Wed 13-Mar-19 17:12:34

My mum and dad are a bit like this, she goes food shopping alone but pretty much everything else they do together. It doesn't bother me but they don't have any friends outside each other really so I worry about what they'd do if something happened to one of them.

OwlBeThere Wed 13-Mar-19 17:13:15

I know a couple like this and it’s weird. They even share a Facebook account ‘because we have all the same friends’ which is fine. But it means I’m not really friends with her anymore because I can’t ever talk to her without him there. And before anyone says it, it’s definitely not a control thing on his part. Her I’m more doubtful of as she’s quite s bossy controlling person anyway.

evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:13:28

I'm not referring to couples who do things together, I mean the ones who seem unable to do anything apart. Worra I'm miffed about a lot of things, hence I'm asking on here for opinions.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 17:13:50

bringing over your boyfriend on a girls day or weekend is rude.

Apart from that, YABU to be so judgmental. If they are happy that way, and it's a common decision, why wouldn't they stay together?

I always refuse weddings invitations or weekends away if they are not with DH. I would never go on holiday without him either. I don't care if it's bothering someone else, it's none of their business.
I could go on my own, I don't want to. We already see very little of each other during the week, I like his company. We occasionally meet for coffee or a drink during the day when we can escape the office.

I also completely understand that anything said in confidence to a friend can be repeated to her DH. It's kind of normal.

When couples do drop in and pick up together, I wonder when they manage to work! There are some parents like that in my kids school, but I know they both work shifts and when they can, they are together. It's rather sweet.

MarieIVanArkleStinks Wed 13-Mar-19 17:14:10

Other people's business, sure. But I have to admit it does make me laugh when I hear them say 'WE think' ... as if they only have one brain between the two of them.

And as for 'we're pregnant' - urm, how does that work then? No, you're not. SHE is! To anyone who persists in perpetuating this delusion, come back to me when you have a prolapse and pee yourself when you sneeze ...

BitchQueen90 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:15:03

The only time it would bother me is if I was making plans with a friend and they always insisted on bringing their partner. At best it would annoy me, at worst I would think that it could be a controlling relationship.

AteTooManyCrisps Wed 13-Mar-19 17:16:09

Years ago I had a friend who would always bring her DH on girls takeaway nights at a mutual friend’s house. Never understood why. It was really irritating. It’s not that we didn’t like him, but it wasn’t the point of the evening.

100Birds Wed 13-Mar-19 17:16:42

I have an old school friend who always brings her husband on reunion trips where our (all girls) school friends catch up. I find it infuriating because it completely changes the dynamic. If couples want to spend all their free time together, fine, but not on trips or nights out for specific groups of people!

(Me and she also have a couple we’re friends with who went on each other’s stag/hen dos. So awkward!)

HarrysOwl Wed 13-Mar-19 17:17:43

My DH & I are together a lot. More or less 24/7. We work together (our own business).

We just get on so well, best mates as well as partners, and although I have friends and see them I just love his company. We have the same sense of humour & outlook on life.

BUT I do have anxiety & other things going on and my therapist has told me I HAVE to start doing more on my own - so I'm seeing it may not be 100 percent healthy and I'm going to start doing more by myself.

Tough though, we have the same interests too so it's not easy saying "I'm going hiking, you stay at home" and he looks sad. confused

WarmCoffee Wed 13-Mar-19 17:17:46

I think YABu, a little bit.

You don't know that they're with their other half ALL the time, unless you are them, or your stalk them. Like the couple from school, you don't know that she doesn't see her girlfriends independently, he doesn't have a hobby once a week etc. You just see glimpses. I actually think it's nice that both parents are interested in school stuff.

Some people probably think I spend a lot of time with my husband. We do - certainly compared to some couples I know where the husband will be off at golfing/rugby/singing all weekend for example. But then I'm secretly judging them, because I'm thinking, what's the point of having a family and working all week and then not spending quality time?

I do see friends without my husband, about once a month, and he sees friends separately too. Probably more often we socialise in a mixed group of friends with men and women. I can definitely see people judging us the way you're judging the people in your OP. But fuck em, I actually like spending time with my parner so shrug

Re: annoying women bringing their partners along. "Shall we make it a girls only thing? Bob can't come that day". "Is Bernard coming, or just girls?" Etc. It's really not that hard.

LoubyLou1234 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:17:50

We go food shopping together I hate it so we do it together and it's faster. We probably do do a lot together but we actually like being in each other's company, we do have separate friends and nights out etc.

My partner does chat to my friends if they call but that's cos he is friendly and is interested! And also now because some of my friends are his too!

Pancakeflipper Wed 13-Mar-19 17:19:13

I have an old school mate whom I only see irregularly now due to living far from each other. I'd forgotten how they do everything together until a few months ago when her and I arranged a weekend away. Confirming hotel bookings with her - she'd booked a room for them both. So.it was a weekend for them with me tagging along.

Oooooh I was rather furious.

BitchQueen90 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:20:31

thedisorganisedmum do you never meet friends for a coffee etc or a day out without your DH? confused

HarrysOwl Wed 13-Mar-19 17:21:57

@Pancakeflipper

So.it was a weekend for them with me tagging along

Did you and your friend go off and do your own thing while he entertained himself or did you have to spend time with both of them?

Spudulike3 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:25:45

I personally find Eins Zwei Zero available at Waitrose very nice.

evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:26:43

Just to clarify I'm not hiking up my judgey pants, more miffed as to why one cannot seem capable of walking to a front door without the other. As a family we go out a lot together even the supermarket but if I was knocking on someones door to collect ds and DH wanted to come too I would be a bit hmm

The couple I know where he accompanies her to the GP for example it appears as if she has a bit of a princess complex and constantly relies on him to 'assist' her. I do wonder if that is the case sometimes.

Orangecookie Wed 13-Mar-19 17:27:04

I would worry about whether there is an issue there. Even a low level one. Being joined at the hip is way too intense and unhealthy for me. Since I’ve been more aware of controlling of unhealthy relationships I do have less ‘each to their own’ attitude. Even though I’m sure many people are fine, it’s just... too dependent.

I think we as human beings get more out of being challenged by others, being able to tolerate others.

pineapplebryanbrown Wed 13-Mar-19 17:27:05

My sister is like this with her husband. I was really happy for her when she met him but then realised i had basically lost her. It eventually got better but after a few years of both me and her friends begging her to stop bringing him on girls nights out.

SurgeHopper Wed 13-Mar-19 17:28:05

I'd find it all a bit controlling and suffocating tbh

ScreamingValenta Wed 13-Mar-19 17:29:09

I think the only issues are:

1. It might alienate other friends who don't want the spouse changing the dynamic of outings.
2. If something happened to the spouse or they split up, it might be difficult to get used to having to act independently.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 17:29:25

BitchQueen90
Not really, no.

Pancakeflipper Wed 13-Mar-19 17:30:58

@HarrysOwl ... i said if hes going im not and would change restaurant booking, sell him my spa place/theatre ticket etc..
I did wonder if I was being unreasonable for a few dsys then decided nah...

FaFoutis Wed 13-Mar-19 17:32:22

YANBU
I can't fully respect people who behave like this.

CarolDanvers Wed 13-Mar-19 17:32:26

My parents are like this. It used to be quite frustrating at times as they'd never want to do anything apart but then wouldn't do anything the other wasn't interested in either. Mainly what the two of them like is walking round looking at shops...and that's it. You'd never get my Mum out for lunch or an afternoon tea or even a coffee alone. Everything had to be routine as well, so they'd arrive at a certain time, we'd walk to my local high street, we'd look at the same shops in the same order, we'd have something to eat at the same place we always did then we'd walk home and they'd leave at the same time as they always did. It's not an issue anymore as we are NC now but I didn't used to be irritated at times.

amusedbush Wed 13-Mar-19 17:32:48

One of my colleagues can't seem to do anything with her husband - he even works upstairs (they didn't meet here!). They spend every lunchtime together snogging publicly... boke and he comes down every hour or so to get a piece of fruit from her confused

DH and I have a lot of separate interests but I am more independent than he is. I'm actually a little annoyed because I've had a solo theatre trip to London booked for months now and I've been really looking forward to a weekend in a hotel, chilling out and mooching around at my own pace. Last night he made noises about coming down to join me on the Sunday and got really upset when I looked (fleetingly!) disappointed. I love the bones of him but I can't put up with ANYONE 24/7.

Billben Wed 13-Mar-19 17:33:06

My in laws are like this. If they are visiting, my FIL likes to wonder around our garden. If he’s taking longer than 10 minutes, my MIL starts asking why he’s taking so long, and then goes and finds him. I find it utterly suffocating. All their children have the feeling that once one of their parents dies, the other one will go soon after.

BitchQueen90 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:33:18

thedisorganisedmum see I find that a bit odd. I'm single so I realise I might be biased but I think it's really important to keep strong relationships outside of the one with your partner and I don't really think you can do that if you don't do anything without them. If my friends always brought their partners along I'd stop spending time with them to be honest.

OwlBeThere Wed 13-Mar-19 17:34:05

I also completely understand that anything said in confidence to a friend can be repeated to her DH. It's kind of normal

I would never repeat a confidence to my DH unless explicitly told I could/it affected him in some way. Holy sheep!!

CarolDanvers Wed 13-Mar-19 17:34:13

did used to be irritated at times, not didn't

YeahNah1980 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:34:17

Yeah it’s annoying and unnecessary and I agree it completely changes the dynamic of some events. Also doesn’t the husband have his own friends??

cookiescookiesfoxies Wed 13-Mar-19 17:35:03

My parents are like this and it drives me mad.

I've never get any one to one time with either of them. Even as a child, we had to do everything as a family.

It's only happened once, my Dad allowed me to pop to the local town with him one Saturday afternoon and I loved it so much. We went to Superdrug and he got me foundation and a blue mascara. grin

I think it changes the dynamic and it's nice to spend time one to one sometimes.

livinglongerwithcalgon Wed 13-Mar-19 17:36:31

I understand it can be annoying if it means you can’t organise anything without the partner or they ‘ignore’ the set up, eg a night in for all female friends but one brings their DH, or like someone above said one parent per appointment but both show,. I don’t have friends like this but I can understand why that would be frustrating, because you never know by inviting said friend whether they’re automatically adding their DH into the invite.

On the other hand being very close, spending a lot of time together just sounds like a relationship where they enjoy each other’s company. DH and I are like this, I’m not trying to be flippant here but genuinely this is part of why we are married! We get on very well, we make each other laugh and share stories or news and such that interests both of us, so time spent together is enjoyable. But we can both happily spend time without each other to see other friends or relatives, and we do, and we don’t work together so we’re apart for the working day.

On the school run point, DH and I occasionally do this together. This will be because I have a day off, and DH stays at home, so we’ll drop off together and then go out for the day. It’s great! Time off when it’s not super busy everywhere and the DCs are occupied grin

undomesticgodde55 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:36:38

I don't have a problem with this. My partner and I do everyday stuff together if we're both available, if I have a doctors appointment and he's about he will come with me etc. It's not a weird thing, he's my best mate as well as my partner and with our work schedules we can be passing ships in the night with my shift pattern. We can go over 4 days with just a quick hello as he comes in from work as I'm leaving for a night shift. It's just a bit of company as one of us is waiting around doing nothing in a waiting room.

I'm also a very independent person who can and does go to a restaurant on my own for a meal if I'm bored or away from home - so definitely not anxious or reliant on my partner.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 17:38:11

BitchQueen90

I much prefer staying with DH, and we see friends as couples - they come for diner, to stay at weekend and invite us others. We have a normal social life, I just don't feel the need (or have the time) for "girls night out" any more.

Pre kids we have travelled together quite a lot, we really enjoy each other company. I am not sure what's wrong with that. We still have friends, but we don't have to separate to see them!

evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:38:39

undomestic would he actually go into the examination room with you or just sit in the car waiting?

HarrysOwl Wed 13-Mar-19 17:38:44

@Pancakeflipper I think you wanted to see your friend, not see her +1 so I understand that.

I only asked as I met a friend in Liverpool and as it was a trek I stayed overnight, DH said he wanted to look around some museums/galleries and wanted to come too.

But apart from travelling up & back home together I didn't see him, he did his own thing while I spent time with my friend. Was worried for a moment that was unreasonable!

Jinglejanglefish Wed 13-Mar-19 17:40:42

OP do neither of that couples from your DS school have jobs? That’s the bit I would find weirdest, how can they both do pick up everyday?

AlexaAmbidextra Wed 13-Mar-19 17:41:06

I also completely understand that anything said in confidence to a friend can be repeated to her DH. It's kind of normal

I think this is awful. I certainly wouldn’t be telling you anything confidential if it gets passed on to your DH. You’re a lousy friend if you do this.

Lovemusic33 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:42:17

I had a partner that wanted to go everywhere with me (shopping, school run, the garage, the bath), at first I thought he must really love me but it was actually a control thing and he turned out to be a right tosser.

I don’t think I could cope with anyone hanging around me like that again, I’m pretty independent and I enjoy doing things by myself, things like shopping are much easier alone.

IWantChocolates Wed 13-Mar-19 17:42:26

My DH and I go to each other's GP appointments. He has anxiety and depression and the GP likes to get my view on how his medication is working. DH also doesn't like to be alone so we will often do things together, plus he works from home and I'm on maternity so we're usually together. However, he's aware how needy he is and we're working on it. I managed to get out for coffee with friends on my own this morning smile

You can't always know someone's situation.

evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:42:47

OP do neither of that couples from your DS school have jobs? That’s the bit I would find weirdest, how can they both do pick up everyday?

Dad WFH and mum is a SAHP.

Snowflakes1122 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:43:19

They are probably the ones who have hose cringeworthy joint Facebook profiles. grin

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 17:44:02

AlexaAmbidextra
I don't know anyone who wouldn't tell their partner. They might not bother to, because it's too uninteresting to repeat, but there's no reason why they should hide something from them. I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

DanglyBangly Wed 13-Mar-19 17:44:34

‘miffed’ is not the word I’d use. I’d say I was bemused and irritated.

In the case of the wedding video, I can’t imagine many men would want to sit through that —or women for that matter— so I wonder if the ‘if they are both happy...’ applied in that case.

choli Wed 13-Mar-19 17:44:57

"Accompanying " a spouse into a doctor's examination room is sometimes done by a physically abusive spouse to ensure they do not disclose domestic violence to the doctor. Here in the US is is standard to be asked if you feel safe at home.

My husband and I do most things together but not things like doctor's appointments.

crosser62 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:45:27

I don’t think that you are being unreasonable.
I would stop meeting someone who brought their partner along to arranged meetings.
It’s a rare time away from my family with a friend, I don’t want to socialise with any one I’ve not arranged to socialise with directly. I would feel uncomfortable and forced into a situation I hadn’t chosen.

Ragwort Wed 13-Mar-19 17:46:06

Personally I would find it absolutely suffocating, like others I have a friend like this and although her DH is a really nice bloke he will do everything with her. My DH wouldn’t dream of tagging along so often we end up going out (including weekends away grin) in a threesome. He works part time so I try to ensure we meet up when he at work but that’s not always possible.

I also consider it too be too over dependent on each other, I know a lot of older people and it can be very, very difficult when one is left alone and the other doesn’t have any friends or know how to cope on their own sad.

10IAR Wed 13-Mar-19 17:46:23

It's not something DP and I do, but it doesn't bother me when other couples do tbh.

NellieDavie Wed 13-Mar-19 17:46:30

'We' tend to be like this, but I hate it! It's partly due to my OHs trust issues (I have a hobby which occasionally involves me going away somewhere, he has no interest in my hobby but will still come along, so we end up turning it into a big (and more expensive) trip for us both instead of a quick few days away for me), but also his lack of motivation to do anything himself, so he tags along wherever I go hmm

It's easier to just let him come along, but I wouldn't take him to a 'girls night' or anything like that, but I probably turn down lots of things because it's easier than thinking what's he going to do with himself. I work long hours, he doesn't, so say I have a hospital appointment or anything like that, he'll tag along and turn it into an outing (we'll have lunch afterwards, or go for a walk etc) when I'm really not that bothered!

Anique105 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:46:43

My dh and I are almost joined at the hip. But we are best friends as well as partners. I would definitely not bring him when getting together with my friends and he wouldnt want to come either!
However in most other situations why not? We enjoy each others company alot. As I said we are best friends.

evaperonspoodle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:47:09

That reminds me of the man who used to come to the breastfeeding support group. It was a ladies only space and he would come and mansplain things to us and his wife would sit there cooing over him and getting all giddy as if she was so proud of him.

undomesticgodde55 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:47:09

@evaperonspoodle undomestic would he actually go into the examination room with you or just sit in the car waiting?

He will wait in the waiting room with me and have a chat. he only comes in the examination room if it's pregnancy related. If I'm in for the shits he can wait outside blush there are still a few things best left between me and the doctor haha. But I don't judge anybody who would want their partner by their side in the examination room.

WorraLiberty Wed 13-Mar-19 17:47:47

Just to clarify I'm not hiking up my judgey pants, more miffed as to why one cannot seem capable of walking to a front door without the other. As a family we go out a lot together even the supermarket but if I was knocking on someones door to collect ds and DH wanted to come too I would be a bit

It's not a case of capability. It's probably more that they've both enjoyed having your child in their home together and perhaps they feel they're showing it?

Mintychoc1 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:48:04

As a GP I see this from a bleak cynical angle!
I often see elderly couples who live in each other’s pockets, never do things independently, then one of them dies and the other is totally lost. Men left unable to boil a kettle, women left unable to pay a bill. Having no idea how to spend their time without their other half. Few friends as they didn’t need them, because they had each other. No individual hobbies, only ever did hobbies together, and now can’t face doing them as the reminders are too painful.
Personally I think it’s rather limiting, to fix yourself so closely to one person.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:48:25

Huh? Miffed? I don’t understand that. Miffed at something that has no bearing on you in any way.

I know a couple like this. Parents at school, always, always together. For everything. They seem happy, have lovely kids, nothing to be miffed at them for!

CarolDanvers Wed 13-Mar-19 17:48:44

@NellieDavie that sounds awful. I couldn't deal with someone like that. Mind you the minute someone muttered about having "trust issues" I would dump them anyway.

Hohofortherobbers Wed 13-Mar-19 17:49:41

I knew a couple like this, at first I thought it showed how in love they were. Many years later it was evidence of his coercive control, all is not what it seems

10IAR Wed 13-Mar-19 17:50:28

Mintychoc1 my dad is like that without my Mum. But they didn't go everywhere together, had their own lives and friends.

He just doesn't want to live without her and it's broken him.

DParse Wed 13-Mar-19 17:50:52

YADNBU. I know such couples. They are perfectly nice, but a PITA. No, I really don’t want my friend’s husband tagging along at school mums’ coffee. Can’t he find some dads to talk to?

My XH wanted us to be joined at the hip. It was controlling and horrible.

FaFoutis Wed 13-Mar-19 17:51:55

Those of you who do this: do you have identical jackets? (Fleece, with wolves on?)

maloofhoof Wed 13-Mar-19 17:55:21

FaFoutis 😂😂

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 17:55:31

"Accompanying " a spouse into a doctor's examination room is sometimes done by a physically abusive spouse to ensure they do not disclose domestic violence to the doctor.

It's also someone showing moral support! You don't know what they go to the doctor in the first place, maybe she didn't want to tell you what the real reason was.

Of course it can be abusive, but it's not always the case.

fussychica Wed 13-Mar-19 17:56:59

I was called sad and pathetic on a MN thread a while back as I said I wouldn't like to go on holiday on my own without DHshock

DH and I do most things together, we are early retired and 40 years married, we get on great but we are both perfectly capable and happy to do stuff on our own if we feel like it.

NellieDavie Wed 13-Mar-19 17:57:31

@CarolDanvers - mostly I don't mind, but occasionally find it tedious because we don't have exactly the same interests or enjoy exactly the same thing, so sometimes feel I'm missing out on doing something because I know he wouldn't enjoy it, but would tag along anyway and neither of us would enjoy it. He's good company most of the time, just don't need to have him there ALL the time!

arethereanyleftatall Wed 13-Mar-19 17:57:30

@evaperonspoodle
Christ, no! Not at all. (Sorry, only just came back to the thread).

JenniferJareau Wed 13-Mar-19 17:59:20

I find this odd too. I know a couple like this and it has always baffled me but she thinks it is perfectly normal.

Nearlythere1 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:59:32

I have a cousin like this. I'm so close to her she's basically my sister. She and her husband recently had a baby and it's magnified things tenfold. It's not just that they're joined at the hip but he particularly seems intent on getting involved in "girl talk", butting in about her breast feeding schedule, every little thing. I get that's he's being supportive but it's very off-putting. I just wish he'd bugger off half the time. They also can't make independent decisions, even the very smallest things like nipping out to the shop takes a 1 hour pow-wow about what to get and why.

fussychica Wed 13-Mar-19 18:00:18

Doctors often go together as we'll probably go shopping or for a coffee afterwards.
No identical fleeces that's Howard and Hilda from Ever Decreasing Circles but we have been known to dress in a similar colour by accidentgrin

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 18:01:22

as I said I wouldn't like to go on holiday on my own without DH

It doesn't sound like such a happy relationship if you would want to go away without him.

It's quite sad if people cannot understand that you can have a life, be independent, have your own friends and interests but still prefer to be with your partner. It says more about their own relationship than your own if they feel the need to judge others by their own standard.

There's also around 50% of things I don't do at home because DH does. It sounds fair to us to share chores equally. When I hear women moaning about the mental load but mocking people who divide theirs, it doesn't make much sense.

AlexaAmbidextra Wed 13-Mar-19 18:01:29

I don't know anyone who wouldn't tell their partner. They might not bother to, because it's too uninteresting to repeat, but there's no reason why they should hide something from them. I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

Yes, but it isn’t yours to confide is it? If that’s what you do you should make it clear to your friends that they shouldn’t confide in you as you will pass it on.

Anyonebut Wed 13-Mar-19 18:01:56

OK, I'm going off topic for a bit.
I am not a native English speaker, but it seems to me quite a few people seem to use "miffed" as a synonym of "bemused", when the dictionary tells me it means annoyed.
Maybe the OP does mean annoyed and it's just me misinterpreting words but it's not the first time I have noticed this, confused

UnspiritualHome Wed 13-Mar-19 18:04:05

With couples like this, I always worry whether they both really want to go everywhere together, or whether in fact one of them is over-dependent on or controlling of the other. I really couldn't bear it; I'm not sure my marriage would have lasted if my husband hadn't been happy to give me all the space I need.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 18:04:28

don't worry AlexaAmbidextra pretty sure my friends are well aware of that! It's not passing on to tell your partner in confidence! How weird not to tell your own partner if you wish.

I can think of a couple who would confide into their sister, and one who couldn't not talk to her mum. I am guessing that they probably talk more, because women tend to be more chatty and more gossipy. You can still tell them secrets, they are very respectful and wouldn't gossip to anyone.

undomesticgodde55 Wed 13-Mar-19 18:06:01

@AlexaAmbidextra * Yes, but it isn’t yours to confide is it? If that’s what you do you should make it clear to your friends that they shouldn’t confide in you as you will pass it on.*

Gotta say I'm with you on this one. I would be mortified knowing a girlfriend had told her DP about stuff I have told her in confidence. I share a lot with my partner but nothing that my friends have confided in me which doesn't concern him. Just because I can trust him doesn't mean my friend automatically has to.

AlexaAmbidextra Wed 13-Mar-19 18:09:20

It doesn't sound like such a happy relationship if you would want to go away without him

That’s a really silly judgement to make. Plenty of couples have healthy, loving relationships and enjoy doing some things separately. IMO that’s far healthier than having to be clamped together 24/7.

choli Wed 13-Mar-19 18:10:32

thedisorganisedmum yes, that's why I specified "sometimes*

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 18:13:24

That’s a really silly judgement to make.

but yet it's ok to be judgmental towards couples who make other choices?

You can't have it both ways...

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Wed 13-Mar-19 18:13:25

My DH and I work together every day, we do all our activity together, we live together and we sleep with each other. I do let him out of my sight when he has a Pooh but he only has one a day😂

MamaLovesMango Wed 13-Mar-19 18:15:31

I don’t really get how this is lighthearted. I don’t really get why you’re ‘miffed’ either, it doesn’t affect you in any way, shape or form. I don’t see the problem with a DP/DH tagging along on a ‘girls day/weekend’ if she checked and everybody and they were fine with him being there either.

We do a lot together, DH and I, I think because there was a time when we couldn’t. We do school runs together sometimes mainly because I don’t get to do them very often and if I happen to be at home, I’ll tag along without interfering with their morning routine but hey to show my face at the school gates and it brings me joy seeing DD skip off into school. We often get a MaccieD’s breakfast on the way back and sit and chat in the car grin

He has been known to come to the GP with me. Sometimes I have trouble remembering information and struggle with getting my point across in personal situations. There’s been times when I’ve needed moral support at a routine appointment, as has he. Sometimes he holds the baby in the waiting room for me.

We often tag along on each other’s little outings. It’s nice to listen to music together, have conversations and debates and discuss things about our life when we get those few minutes together. Sometimes you just have to find the spare few minutes otherwise all your time gets taken up with the daily grind and before you know it, you’ve not said 2 words to eachother.

We also have plenty of time apart, although less in the last few years due to work and babies. It’s possible to keep a balance of both, which I imagine a lot of these people you’re referring to do.

But ultimately this:

My answer to that was simply because I really like my DH.

15 years down the line and I’m not bored of him. Cant be a bad thing.

Thisnamechanger Wed 13-Mar-19 18:20:39

Pretty much me and DP. We do try and do things apart but we're not very good at it. grin

Grace212 Wed 13-Mar-19 18:22:24

My parents were this couple
dad died last year and mum has realised she's not even interested in her friends, she just followed him round all her life

if she lives a long time after widowhood, it's going to be...weird.

"He has anxiety and depression and the GP likes to get my view on how his medication is working"

that alarms me. I have A&D and I'd have a fit at a GP wanting someone else's opinion on how my meds are working.

MirriVan Wed 13-Mar-19 18:22:25

I'll admit to being internally very judgey about couples like this.
I just think it's pathetic, needy and co-dependent.
But then, I don't even like it when couples text each other about nothing throughout the day when they're going to go home and see each other anyway.

Just not me, I suppose, and each to their own but I will be there, silently judging away mwah ha ha ha

AnxietyDream Wed 13-Mar-19 18:23:07

I've never really understood the whole 'girls night/guys night' thing. I've always had friends of both sexes, and like spending time with groups of both (even before meeting DH).

My mum is always saying how nice it is to get out with 'just the girls' and I smile and nod and really don't get it. How is excluding half the friendship group 'more fun'?

If I'm invited to women only things I wouldn't dream of bringing my DH, but I would probably avoid them most of the time.

DH comes to a lot of my medical appointments because I have medical anxiety and forget to say things/minimise problems/avoid going at all without him. I have never been to one of his.

He's my favourite adult, and work schedules/childcare means we would barely see each other if we didn't do at least some mundane chores and the majority of our social time together.

MamaLovesMango Wed 13-Mar-19 18:23:13

Do you know what aswell? Sometimes I wear his clothes. He’s got nice shirts and his boxers are lovely as PJs 🤷‍♀️

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 18:24:11

But then, I don't even like it when couples text each other about nothing throughout the day when they're going to go home and see each other anyway.

hmm

judge away, they are in a happy relationship and are likely to have great sex. Your judgement has no effect on their life at all.

Princessmushroom Wed 13-Mar-19 18:24:57

Do you have a question here or what?

I do a lot with my husband. Not everything. If he’s going for petrol and I’m bored or need a break from work why wouldn’t I go with him? He’s my best friend and I sort of like him.

Equally I will tell him when he’s pissing me off and I need some time away from him.

MamaLovesMango Wed 13-Mar-19 18:25:46

that alarms me. I have A&D and I'd have a fit at a GP wanting someone else's opinion on how my meds are working.

It’s quite normal actually, if the other party is comfortable with it of course. Often results of treatment can be very subtle, especially in the early days and the people close to you notice improvements/declines before you do. Of course, if you weren’t comfortable with your OH being in on the conversation, they wouldn’t be asked and nothings been lost.

MirriVan Wed 13-Mar-19 18:26:25

judge away, they are in a happy relationship and are likely to have great sex. Your judgement has no effect on their life at all.

It has an effect on mine though.

I REALLY enjoy judging!

Itstartedinbarcelona Wed 13-Mar-19 18:26:39

I agree that miffed is a strong word. I genuinely prefer my DHs company and would rather spend my free time with him. I don’t bring him out when meeting my friends but we do most things together otherwise. My DB and SIL seem to spend most of their weekends doing things separately and taking it turns to go away with friends while the other stays with the kids. They also get bored in each other’s company on holiday if they don’t go away with friends. But each to their own.

AlexaAmbidextra Wed 13-Mar-19 18:27:12

but yet it's ok to be judgmental towards couples who make other choices? You can't have it both ways..

Look, I really don’t care if some couples are like Siamese twins. It doesn’t affect me one bit. But yes, I do think your sweeping judgement was silly. Just because you apparently have to share every single thing with your husband, including your friend’s confidences, you don’t necessarily have a closer, better or more loving relationship than people who operate more independently. It doesn’t mean you have an unhappy relationship just because you’re happy to do things separately.

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